Tuesday, 15 September 2015

Why Interviewer faints after Interview with Rakhi Sawant ?

 Two managers were walking through a jungle
They saw a hungry tiger
One of the guys tightened his shoe lace
The other asked, "Do u really think u can run faster than tiger?
He replied, "I dont have to run faster than the tiger, I just have to run faster than u!"
That's today's
प्रोफेसर : "एक प्लेटफार्म 2 Km लम्बा है...
आंधी चल रही है...
60 Km/hr की गति से एक ट्रैन आई और दिल्ली से मुंबई की तरफ चली गयी...
"तो सवाल यह है कि : "मेरी उम्र कितनी है ??
"सब बच्चे हैरान होकर एक-दूसरे की शकल देखने लगे.
थोड़ी देर बाद एक बच्चे ने जवाब देने के लिए हाथ उठाया.
स्टूडेंट: सर, आपकी उम्र 42 साल है.
प्रोफेसर: शाबाश... लेकिन तुमने कैसे गणना की ??
स्टूडेंट : सर, हमारे घर के पास एक लड़का रहता है,
वह आधा मादरचोद है और उसकी उम्र 21 साल है....
3 Fucking Laws of Management - If you learn them, no one can beat you in Corporate Management, but unfortunately even Harvard Business School does not teach them.
1. Fucking Law of Delivery Time - No matter how hard and fast you fuck, the child comes after 9 months.
Moral - Pressurizing does not alter delivery period.

2. Fucking Law of Direction - Even though both holes  are nearby, if by a wrong shot, you enter the wrong hole, no matter how hard you fuck, you never get a child.
Moral - Right direction is very important to get the results, even few centimeters away from right direction, even if it gives satisfaction, cannot lead to results.
3. Fucking Law of Human Resources - By appointing 4 men to fuck 1 woman, you cannot get 4 children, but if you appoint one man and 4 women, you can get 4 children.
Moral - Appoint the right person at the right position. Otherwise you would keep on wondering, why you are not getting the results even after appointing more men.        
forward to all Hard working employees.

End of management Gyaan!
 Interview with Rakhi Sawant

Interviewer: So what is your next project?

Rakhi Sawant: This year I am standing for erections!!

Interviewer: It's elections you stand for Rakhi - not erections!!

 Rakhi: For God"s SEX
stop making fun of my English!!

Interviewer : So why should people vote for you?

Rakhi : If you give me one chance, I will give my breast!!!

Interviewer: Ok,  Ok,  let's change the topic. Heard that you visited a Surgeon again?

Rakhi: All lies. I only went to the Dentist to show my tit's!!!

Interviewer: It's teeth. Why? Do you eat a lots of chocolates?

Rakhi: No no.  My favourite food is Sea Food, Specially PORNS !!!

Interviewer: "Aap Kitni Padhi Likhi Ho?"

Rakhi Sawant: "Zyaada Nahi.. Bas Inter-Course Kiya Hai !"

Interviewer faints!!!

Joke .............. हाई स्कूल में पढ़ने वाली दो लड़कियां आपस में बातें कर रही थीं।

 Please read this .  You will  find great relief.
Once Buddha was traveling with a few of his followers.
While they were passing a lake, Buddha told one of his disciples, "I am thirsty. Do get me some water from the lake."
The disciple walked up to the lake.
At that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake.
As a result, the water became very muddy and turbid.
The disciple thought, "How can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink?"
So he came back and told Buddha, "The water in there is very muddy. I don't think it is fit to drink."
After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back
to the lake.
The disciple went back, and found that the water was still muddy.
He returned and informed Buddha about the same.
After sometime, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back.
This time, the disciple found the mud had settled down, and the water was clean and clear.
So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha.
Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said, "See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be, and the mud settled down on its own, and you have clear water."
Your mind is like that too ! When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own.
You don't have to put in any effort to calm it down.
It will happen. It is effortless."
Having 'Peace of Mind' is not a strenuous job, it is an effortless process so keep ur mind cool and have a grt life ahead...
Never leave Your close ones.
If you find few faults in them just close Your eyes
'n Remembr the best time You spent together
because affection is More Important than Perfection..!
Neither you can hug yourself nor you can cry on your own shoulder.
Life is all about living for one another, so live with those who love you the most...
Relations cannot be Understood by the Language of Money...
Bcoz, Some Investments Never Give Profit But They Make us rich...!
"Family n Friends are such Investments" .
and some light moments now

हाई स्कूल में पढ़ने वाली दो लड़कियां आपस में बातें कर रही थीं।
लड़की- यार मेरे पापा ने कहा है कि इस बार अगर परीक्षा में फेल हुई तो तेरी शादी कर दूंगा।
लड़की- तो तुमने कितनी तैयारी की है?

लड़की-बस फेशियल बाकी हैं!!!