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Sunday, 5 July 2015

Hindi Chutkule .............Wife drinking Vodka

👦Boy : Tum ladki hoke daaru piti ho?  
👧Awesome reply by girl :
To kya 2-4 peg ke liye
gender change karwalu
Wife drinking Vodka,
"Tum kaun ho?"  
"Pagal ho gayi ho kya?
Apne husband ko bhool gayi? " 🚶
Wife: "Nasha 🍸
har gum bhula deta hai"

Teacher :
"Can you tell the name of 2 great Kings who have brought happiness & peace into people's lives ?"
Student :
"Smo-king & Drin-king " !!!
Teacher Resigned ! 

Ghor Kalyug😰
Teacher: Who was Akbar ? 
Boy: Akbar was Gay.
Teacher:- What, Are you mad ? Why did you say that?
Boy:- We have heard  Laila - Majnu , Heer -Ranjha , Soni- Mahival ,Romeo-Juliet 
But Only
Akbar - Birbal !
Teacher died 

This 1 is a killer 1 .....
Teacher : Beta batao britannia tiger biscuit pe jo green dot hain uska matlab kya h.?
Pappu : Iska matlab ki tiger online hai.

Ultimate Hit!!

 🌀 व्हाट्सऐप  भग्वद गीता 🌀
हे पार्थ,
||  तुम पिछले मेसेज का पश्चाताप मत करो ||
|| तुम अगले मेसेज की चिंता भी मत करो ||
|| बस अपने करंट मेसेज से ही प्रसन्न रहो ||
|| तुम जब नहीं थे, तब भी ये मेसेजो का चलन रहा था ||
|| तुम जब नहीं होगे, तब भी ये मेसेजो का चलन चलता रहेगा ||
|| जो मेसेज आज तुम्हारा है, कल किसी और का था ||
|| वो कल किसी और का होगा ||
|| तुम इसे अपना समझ कर मगन हो रहे हो ||
|| यही तुम्हारे समस्त दुखों का कारण है ||
|| बहुत बढ़िया 👌 लाइक 👍 धन्यवाद 👏 जैसे शब्द अपने मन से निकाल दो ||
|| निष्काम भाव से मैसेज करो.. फिर देखो तुम इस व्हाट्सऐप रूपि भवसागर में रहते हुए भी इस के समस्त कुप्रभावों से दूर रह पाएंगे  ||

एक बनिया बहुत कनजूस था।उसने एक शीशी में घी भर कर उसका मुह बन द किया हुआ था।जब वह और उसके लडके खाना खाते तब शी शीशी को रोटी से रगड कर खाना खा ले ते।एक बार बनिया काम से बाहर चला गया ।लौटने पर उसने लडको से पूछा खाना खा लिया था।लडके बोले हा।बनिया पर शीशी तो में अलमारी में बनद कर गया था। लडके बोले हमने अलमारी के हेनडल से रोटिया रगड कर खाली
बनिया नाराज हो कर बोला कया तुम एक दिन भी बिना घी के खाना नही खा सकते।

योग दिवस
योग दिवस को मैं कुछ इस तरह से मना रहा हूँ,
रात उसके पैर दबाए थे अब पोछा लगा रहा हूँ।
धो रहा हूँ बर्तन और बना रहा हूँ चपाती,
मेरे ख्याल से यही होती है कपालभाति।
एक हाथ से पैसे देकर, दुजे हाथ में सामान ला रहा हूँ मैं,
और इस प्रक्रिया को अनुलोम विलोम बता रहा हूँ मैं।
सुबह से ही मैं घर के सारे काम कर रहा हूँ,
बस इसी तरह से यारो प्राणायाम कर रहा हूँ।
मेरी सारी गलतियों की जालिम ऐसी सजा देती हैं,
योगो का महायोग अर्थात मुर्गा बना देती हैं।
हे मोदी, हे रामदेव अगर आप गृहस्थी बसाते,
तो हम योग दिवस नहीं पत्नी दिवस मनाते।
😪 एक शादीशुदा की 'दुखी' कलम से ✒


"Sixth Sense"
Blind man in a Hotel...
Manager - Menu Sir ???
Man - I'm blind, just bring me ur
kitchen spoon, I'll Smell it & order.
Manager got a spoon
Blind Smelt & said "Yes, I'll have
garlic bread with season Potatoes...
"Unbelievable" said the manager...
Every week he came & was correct
each time.
Once manager wanted to trick him, He
went to the kitchen and told his wife
Maria "Rub this spoon on ur lips".
She rubs it on her lips and gives it to
her hubby...
Blind man smelt & said,"Oh ! My
My classmate Maria also works here!!
Manager fainted !!!
Dont laugh alone pass it on !!!

इस जोक का कोई तोड नहीँ
परिक्षापत्र का एक प्रश्न :
किसने किससे कहा ?
"आपसे मिलकर आनंद हुआ !"
उत्तर :
आनंद की माँ ने, आनंद के पिता से...!
पेपर चेक करने वाला कोमा में है...

As we oldies know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.
Yesterday, I had a problem, so I called Georgie, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.
Georgie clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Georgie grinned, 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'
'No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:
I used to like Georgie, the little shithead.
दिल्ली में बारिश इसलिए भी नहीं हो रही क्योंकि  इंद्र देव काे समझ नहीं आ रहा कि बरसने की permission "KEJRIWAL" से लेनी है या "LG" से ।
Worth a Read : "PERCEPTION" : It's  Perception...
In Washington, DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes.  During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. 
After about 3 minutes,  noticed that there was a musician playing.  He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.
About 4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
At 6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
At 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly.  The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time.  This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent — without exception — forced their children to move on quickly.
At 45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while.  About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace.  The man collected a total of $32.
After 1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over.  No one noticed and no one applauded.  There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world.  He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars.  Two days earlier, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged over $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.
This experiment raised several questions:
In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
Are we able to recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . .
How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
Enjoy life NOW . . . it has an expiry date!

एक बार जंगल में एक बहुत बड़े से गड्ढे में एक शेर गिर गया
तभी वहां एक पेड़ में एक बन्दर आ गया ,
शेर का मजाक उडाने लगा , "
क्यों शेर तू तो राजा बना फिरता है अब तो तेरी अकल ठिकाने आ गयी न,
अब शिकारी तुझे मiरेंगे ,
तेरी खाल निकालकर दीवार पर सजायेंगे,
तेरे नाखून और दांत निकाल कर दवाई बनायेंगे ।
तभी वो डाल जिसमें बन्दर बैठा था ,टूट गयी और बन्दर सीधे शेर के सामने आ गिरा ।
गिरते ही बोला
" माँ कसम बड़े भाई......माफ़ी मांगने के लिए कूदा हूँ 😁😁"

वक़्त की मार तो देख ग़ालिब.....
दुनिया जीतने वाले सिकंदर का देश ...
दिवालिया हो गया....

Anatomical translation of famous Hindi muhawara : Muh me Ram Bagale  mein chhuri
"Ram in maxilla, knife in axilla"

For all the beautiful ladies....🌹
_मत गुजरना रमजान के वक्त किसी मस्जिद के पास से ,
_लोग तुम्हें चांद समझ कर कहीं रोजा न तोड दे...!!!🌹🌙

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