Sunday, 31 May 2015

An old one but absolutely riotous..... . . Oh the perils of the modern education system:

An old one but absolutely riotous.....
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Oh the perils of the modern education system:
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.The following questions were set in last year's UK GCE examinations 
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These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds) and soon they will be voting! 
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Some of them are really classic!!!!!
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Q. Name the four seasons.
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A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar 
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Q. How is dew formed? 
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A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire ....
(Now the teachers would be sweating on reading this one....)
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Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
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A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed (I guess that would be something everyone seeks... In oneself as well as everyone else for that matter)
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Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections??
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A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election .
(Clap clap... These kids' priorities are very clear......)
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Q. What are steroids?
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A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope!) 
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Q. What happens to your body as you age??
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A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental (Epic.... That's really amazing.)
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Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
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A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery 
(So true and no beating around the bush)
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Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
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A. Premature death (Bingo!! The ultimate truth...)
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Q. What is artificial insemination?
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A.. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow... (Some performance... Takes a really desperate farmer....)
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Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
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A. Keep it in the cow 
(Simple, but brilliant) 
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Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen) 
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A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U. 
(My brainium has suddenly detached itself from my borax...)
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Q. What is the fibula? 
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A. A small lie 
(I shudder to ask for an explanation)
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Q. What does 'varicose' mean? 
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A. Nearby 
(Like the Skore)
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Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
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A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium ...
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(That would work, surely) 
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Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' .
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A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome (Wow!! Why did no one think of this?)
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Q. What is a seizure? 
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A. A Roman Emperor. 
(Julius Seizure : "I came, I saw, I had a fit" ) 
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Q. What is a terminal illness ?
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A. When you are sick at the airport. 
(Irrefutable) 
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Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? 
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A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight 
(Brilliant) 
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Q. What is a turbine? 
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A. Something an Arab or Sheikh wears on his head...... ?
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I understand they are now importing teachers from Boko Haram in Nigeria, the famous educational trust....

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