Monday, 4 May 2015

A hilarious item published by Pakistan's English Daily - DAWN:

A hilarious item published by Pakistan's English Daily - DAWN:


Son: "Daddy?"
Dad: "Yes son?"
Son: "Are we going to have a war with India?"
Dad: "Perhaps"
Son: "Oh goody. We will thrash them, right, like we did in 1857?"
Dad: "It wasn't in 1857 son"
Son: "Oh okay. But whom did we thrash in 1857?"
Dad: "The British, son"
Son: "And the Hindus too, right?"
Dad: "Well… "
Son: "Did Quaid-i-Azam fight in that war along with
Muhammad bin Qasim and Imran Khan?"
Dad: "No, son. The Quaid and Imran were born much later and Muhammad bin Qasim died many years before."
Son: "Then who ruled Pakistan in those days?"
Dad: "There was no Pakistan in those days son."
Son: "But there was always a Pakistan! It has been there for 5,000 years!"
Dad: "Who have you been talking to, son?"
Son: "No one. I've just been
watching TV."
Dad: "It figures."
Son: "Daddy, why are all
these people against us Arabs?"
Dad: "Arabs? But we aren't Arabs, son."
Son: "Of course we are because our ancestors were Arabs!"
Dad: "No, son. Our ancestors were of the subcontinental stock."
Son: "Sub-what?"
Dad: "Never mind. You seem to like wars, son."
Son: "Yes. I like to watch them on TV."
Dad: "But real wars are fought outside the TV, son."
Son: "Really? How is that possible? What sort of a war is that?"
Dad: "Never mind."
Son: "Daddy, you look
worried."
Dad: "Of course, I am, you little warmongering punk!"
Son: "Daddy! Why are you scolding me?"
Dad: "Because TV is talking rot and so are you!"
Son: "Daddy, are you supporting Hindus?"
Dad: "No!"
Son: "Daddy, have you become a kafir?"
Dad: "Keep quiet! No more TV for you! Go watch a movie on DVD or listen to a CD."
Son: "Can't do that."
Dad: "But we have so many
DVDs and CDs, son."
Son: "Not any more."
Dad: "What do you mean?"
Son: "I burned them all."
Dad: "What?!"
Son: "I burned them all."
Dad: "I heard that! But
why?"
Son: "They spread obscenity."
Dad: "Oh God. Son, go do your homework. What happened to that science project you were working on?"
Son: "It's almost complete."
Dad: "Good boy. What are you making?"
Son: "A bomb."
Dad: "What?!"
Son: "A bomb."
Dad: "I heard that! But why?"
Son: "Because I am a true
Muslim who hates America."
Dad: "But only last week you wanted to go to Disney Land."
Son: "That's different."
Dad: "How come?"
Son: "Mickey Mouse is
Muslim."
Dad: "No, he isn't."
Son: "Is so. He converted when he heard azaan on the moon."
Dad: "On the moon?"
Son: "Yes, because the earth is flat and… "
Dad: "What??"
Son: "The earth is… "
Dad: "I heard that!"
Son: "Daddy, do you want to see my science project, or not?"
Dad: "Gosh, that bomb?
But your science teacher will fail you."
Son: "No, she won’t."
Dad: "Really?"
Son: "Yes. I plan to blow her up as well."
Dad: "God, what is wrong with you? Go call your mother!"
Son: "She can't come."
Dad: "Why not?"
Son: "I've locked her in the
kitchen."
Dad: "But what for?"
Son: "A woman's place is in the kitchen. I will not let her out until she covers herself up properly!"
Dad: "But she's your
mother!"
Son: "She's also a woman!"
Dad: "So?"
Son: "So she should be hidden."
Dad: "Hidden from whom?"
Son: "The whole world and Tony."
Dad: "Tony?"
Son: "Yes, Tony."
Dad: "But Tony's a cat."
Son: "Yes. But he's male."
Dad: "Son, have you gone mad?"
Son: "No. By the way, I've made sure Kitto starts covering up as well."
Dad: "Kitto?"
Son: "Yes, Kittto."
Dad: "But Kitto's a cat!"
Son: "Yes. But a female cat."
Dad: "But she'll suffocate."
Son: "Oh, she's already
dead."
Dad: "What?"
Son: "She's already dead."
Dad: "I heard that! But how?"
Son: "I buried her alive."
Dad: "You what?"
Son: "Yes. To avenge Tony's honour. But now I will behead Tony."
Dad: "But why?"
Son: "To save mom's honour!"
Dad: "Oh, God!"
Son: "Don't say that. Always say Allah."
Dad: "What's the difference?"
Son: "Daddy, do you want to be beheaded too?"
Dad: "No!"
Son: "Do you want to be
stoned to death?"
Dad: "No!"
Son: "Do you want to be flogged?"
Dad: "No!"
Son: "Do you want to get your arms chopped off?"
Dad: "No!"
Son: "Then stop asking silly questions. By the way, I won't call you daddy anymore."
Dad: "What will you call me then?"
Son: "Whatever that is Arabic for daddy."
Dad: "I don't know any Arabic, son."
Son: "That's because you are a kafir."
Dad: "Who the heck are you to tell me who I am, you little fascist twit!"
Son: "What's a fascist?"
Dad: "An irrational, violent, self-righteous mad man!"
Son: "Waaaaaaa.."
Dad: "Why are you crying?"
Son: "You scolded me."
Dad: "Okay, I'm sorry. You have to be tolerant and rational, son. Now be a good boy and go read a book instead of watching TV."
Son: "I have no books."
Dad: "Of course, you do. I bought you so many books."
Son: "I burned them."
Dad: "What?"
Son: "I burned them."
Dad: "But why?"
Son: "They were all in English."
Dad: "So?"
Son: "It's a non-Muslim language!"
Dad: "But we are speaking English, aren't we?"
Son: "Waaaaaaa…"
Dad: "What now?"
Son: "Zionists made me forget my Arabic."
Dad: "But you never knew any Arabic, son."
Son: "Waaaa… yes, I did until you and mommy gave me the polio drops…aaaaa…"
Dad: "Okay, tell me, can
you do me a favour?"
Son: "Sure, dad"
Dad: "Can you blow up
something for me?"
Son: "Oh, goody! Of course, dad. What should I blow? A CD shop, a hotel, a school...?"
Dad: "No, no, something a
lot more sinister."
Son: "Mom?"
Dad: "No, no…"
Son: "What then?"
Dad: "The TV set!"
Son: "What?"
Dad: "Blow the TV set."
Son: "I heard that! But Whyalla?"
Dad: "Just do it!"
Son: "I see. Dad?"
Dad: "Yes."
Son: "You're so unconstitutional!"

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