Sunday, 12 October 2014

Believe it or Not: Really Real Newspaper Headlines from US and Canada

Believe it or Not: Really Real Newspaper Headlines from US and Canada

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All those who find it hard to believe can send me their email ids and scans of all these headlines will be gladly provided—after all why should I be the only one to enjoy an explosion of mirth???
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1) DIANA WAS STILL ALIVE HOURS BEFORE SHE DIED. (OMG!! Really??? Can’t believe it!!)
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2) REPUBLICANS TURNED OFF BY THE SIZE OF OBAMA’S PACKAGE (No Comments!)
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3) GIRL’S SCHOOLS STILL OFFERING “SOMETHING SPECIAL”—HEAD MISTRESS (???)
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4) TIGER WOODS PLAYS WITH OWN BALLS – SAYS NIKE ( *****, maybe that’s what makes him a golfing great!)
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5) STATISTICS SHOW THAT TEEN PREGNANCY DROPS OFF SIGNIFICANTLY AFTER AGE 25 (About time, I would have to say!!) 
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6) FEDERAL AGENTS RAID GUN SHOP, FIND WEAPONS (Oh, my God!! Did they, after all?? Of all the places, one wouldn't have expected to find them there….) 
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7) MARIJUANA ISSUE SENT TO A JOINT COMMITTEE (Very aptly named, I would have to say)
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8) HOMICIDE VICTIMS RARELY TALK TO THE POLICE—POLICE CHIEF (I would expect it should be news it they indeed did do so….)
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9) 17 Remain dead in Morgue Shooting Spree (And what about the rest???)
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10) WORKER SUFFERS LEG PAIN AFTER A CRANE DROPS 800 LB BALL ON HIS HEAD (Come again, where did you say the ball dropped???)
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11) BRIDGES HELP PEOPLE CROSS RIVERS.. (Oh wow, one wouldn't have known the rapid advances science has made of late……)
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12) CITY UNSURE OF WHY THE SEWER SMELLS…. (Yes, with all the garbage that infests the legislature, that is a fair question…)
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13) STUDY SHOWS FREQUENT SEX ENHANCES PREGNANCY CHANCES (These OBGYN need to restudy their findings…. All this scientific “research” to ‘prove’ THIS????)
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14) MEETING ON OPEN MEETINGS IS CLOSED ( So much for bringing in fresh new ideas…)
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15) MAN ACCUSED OF KILLING HIS LAWYER RECEIVES A NEW ATTORNEY (He was only practicing the first time, you know….)
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16) PUERTO RICAN TEEN NAMED “MISTRESS OF THE UNIVERSE” (A bit excessively “liberated”, teens these days…..)
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17) BARBERSHOP SINGERS BRING JOY TO SCHOOL FOR THE DEAF (And what were the “singers” doing: Juggling??)
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18) HOSPITALS RESORT TO HIRING DOCTORS (And EXACTLY who had they been hiring till now???????) 
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19) MAN WITH 8 DUI’S BLAMES DRINKING PROBLEM (Holy Cow, How Original, the guy deserves the Nobel Prize for Medicine and Physiology!)
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20) NEW SICK POLICY REQUIRES 2 –DAY ADVANCE NOTICE ( That is surely very good HR planning policy)
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21) PARENTS KEEP KIDS HOME TO PROTEST SCHOOL CLOSURE (I thought they should protest by attending school with the kids….)
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22) STARVATION CAN LEAD TO HEALTH HAZARDS… (So maybe Mahatma Gandhi didn’t get assassinated, after all….., given his penchant for frequent fasts….)
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23) THE BRA CELEBRATES A PAIR OF HISTORIC MILESTONES THIS YEAR ( Ho Hum… That’s not really mincing words, isn’t it??)
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24) TOTAL LUNAR ECLIPSE WILL BE BROADCAST LIVE ON NORTHWEST PUBLIC RADIO (“And here comes the earth’s shadow, galloping its way across the lunar turf , AND THE WINNER IS……”)
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25) MIRACLE CURE KILLS FIFTH PATIENT (What happened to the good old Hippocratic Oath?? )

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