Monday, 1 September 2014

Naughty Jokes .................. Maha Fadu Jokes .............


Teacher:“What Is A Condom.. ??

.
Aamir Khan Muskurane Lag
Jata Hain..
.
Teacher:“Aap Itna Muskura Kyu
Rahe Ho.. ??
.
Aamir:“Sir!, Wo Kya Hai, Bachpan Se Iccha Thi Ki Main Sex Education College Mein Padhu!


Aaj Yaha Padh Raha Hu, Bahut


Maza Aa Raha Hai”
.
Teacher:“Zyada Maza Lene Ki
Zarurat Nahi Hai,
Condom Ki Definition Bolo.. ??
.
Aamir:“Sir! Condom Is Anything Which


Reduces Population
.
Teacher:“Will U Plz
Elaborate.. ??
.
Aamir:“Har Wo Cheez Jo Population Control
Kare..
“Baccha Paida Nahi Karna Hai,
Condom Hai Na” “Masti! Chahiye Raat Se Lekar Subah Tak,
.
Condom Hai Sir”
“Actualy Sir! Hum Condom Se
Ghire Hue Hai”
.
“8th Class Ke Ladke Se Lekar Mujh Tak, Sab
Condom Ka Use Kar Rahe Hai”
.
“1 Second Mein In, 1 Second Mein Out,
In-Out, In-Out”
 .
.
Teacher:“Arre… Defination Kya
Hai.. ??
.
Aamir:“Wo Hi To Bata Raha Hu Sir”
Teacher:“Exam Mein Ye Sab Likhoge.. ??
“Ye Condom Hai!
Masti! Raat Se Lekar Subah Tak! Idiot”
“Anybody Else.. ??
.
.
Chattur:“Sir! , Condom Are Between Any
Combination Of Body So Connected,
That Their Relative Positions
May Be Seen In Kamasutra..”
.
Teacher:“Wah! Kya Baat Hai...:p :O :D :D
Amir khan returns back to class..
.
.
Teacher:"ab kya hua..
.
Amir khan:"sir kuch bhool gya


hu..
.
Teacher:"kya..
.
Amir khan:"sir,6 inch long, coated with extra protection, come­s in out in out, throw liquid wen
directed, cud b covered with cap, spreads wen rubbed....
.
Teacher:"wat d fuck u want..
.
Amir khan:"pen sir....pen...:p :D :O
  
================================

Golu or Molu Bahut Achhe Dost Thhe Par Achanak Ek Hi Din Dono Mar Jate Hai Aur Ikathe Narak Mein Pahunchte Hai. 
Golu Ne Molu Ko Dekha Aur Hairan Hote Hue Pucha. 
Golu: ��Abe Tu Kaise Mara?�� 
Molu: ��Thand Se, Aur Tu?�� 
Golu: ��Mene Aatam Hatya Ki�� 
Molu: ��Kyu Be, Tu To Achha Bhala Tha Aur Khushi Se Jee Raha Thha?�� 
Golu: ��Yaar, Mujhe Laga Meri Biwi Ka Kisi Se Affair Hai, Ek Din Shaq Hone Pe Chaapa Maara Par Koi Nahi Tha, Sharm Ke Mare Maine Aatm-Hatya Kar Li�� 
Molu Ne Golu Ko Zor Se Thapad Mara Aur Bola. 
��HARAMKHOR Agar Fridge Khol Ke Dekha Hota, To Na Tu Sharm Se Marta Aur 

Na Mein Thand Se�� :-D :-D 

=========================

Lrki apne boyfrnd k0 nraz krne k bad sms pe ksy mnati ha
 1st Hour: Sorry
 2nd Hr: Sory plz
  3rd Hr: plz bs 1 dfa bat kro
  4th Hr: Plz rply jan
  5th Hr: Plz itna nraz mt ho
  6th Hr: Im sory i'll die agr tm ne bat nai ki... 
 7th Hour: Dfa ho, 
 100-lrkay Ghumte hn tre jse 
 Sar pe he chra ja rha ha bhaar men ja! Boy: Sorry DEAR blnce nhe tha.. Grl: Ohh.. its ok love you janu  :) 

==============================

Full form of “GIRL” - 
G – गुस्सा हमेशा नाक पर… 
I – इतराने में सबसे आगे … 
R – रोने की ऑटोमेटिक मशीन …
L - लड़ने में सबकी नानी …. 



फिर भी दुनिया इनकी दीवानी … !!!

==============================

Dimag faadu shayari 
Ladka ladki me ho rhi thi kissng . 

. ... 
ladka ladki me ho rhi thi kissng . 
abi aap chote ho isliye . 
"some text missing......"

  ==========================

PAGALKHANE me Nurse ek Patient (Pagal) se: Mera Dupatta utaro..

Pagal: OK !

Nurse: Ab meri Kameez bhi utaro.

Pagal: OK !

Nurse: Ab meri Salwar bhi utaro?

Pagal- OK !

Nurse: Ab Meri Bra aur Panty bhi..

Aur dhyaan rahe

Aainda kabhi mere kapde nahi pehanna !

Aaj fir aapki soch ko 21 topo ki salaami.X_X

====================================

Ek aadmi samundar me
nahatay huye doobne laga to us
ne pooja ki
"Hey Bhagvan !
Agar mai bach
gaya to
Biryani ki deg garibo ko
khilaunga"
Ek badi si lehar ne usko sahil pe
phenk dia,
Usne upar dekha aur kaha,
"hehe, Kaunsi Biryani, kaisi
biryani... :p
.
.
Achanak 1 aur lehar usay
wapis ley gayi
to aadmi kehne laga
"mera matlab tha Chicken
ya Mutton ..?"

===============================

Traffic police chalan book
nikaal ke bola:
'Naam bol?'
Ladka: Galti ho gayi Sir...
Police: Naam Bol
... ... ... ..
Ladka: Sorry sir Iss baar
jane do...dobara nahi hoga
Police: Naam bol
Ladka: "Trikulavattyy
Thekkeparambli
Venkateshwara Swami"
Police (book band karke):
"chal nikal beta! Agli baar gaadi
dhire chalana!"

 ===========================

SHRABI:"Agar mere hath me
SARKAR ho to me DESH ki takdir
badal dunga...
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
WIFE:"HAramkhor -pehle apna
pajama to badal le, subah se meri
SALVAR pehan k ghum raha
hai. ....

===============================

Faadu joke,:
must read
1Baar 1ladki nadi me khudne walithi...pool se..
tbhi 1bike wala uske paas aa kr ruka aurkaha..
agar tm sucide krne jaa rhi hoto mujhe 1kiss deti
jao..
ladki boli..ok aur usne ladke ko esilambi aur gahry
kiss di ki ladke koaaj tak kv na mili waisi kiss..
fir ladke ne ladki se sucide krne ki wajah pu6a to
ladki
ne
btaya..mere ghar walo ko pasand ni ki mai ladki
ban kr ghumu..
mera naam nitesh nawab hai.. 

===============================

 Pappu door kis shehar me
apnefriend
ke shaadi me gaya.
Par raaste me kisi wajah se basnikal
gayi,
Aur wo v chalte chalte ek gaanvme
pahunch gaya.
To Pappu sochta hai kisi ke gharhi
raat
kaat lete hai,
Ye sochkaqt wo ek ghar ka darwaza
khattkhtata hai,
Pappu-"Ji aapke ghar me raat
gujarni
hai kal chala jaunga!"
Aadmi-"Ye bahu betiyon ka ghar hai,
hum nahi rakh sakte."
Pappu doosre darwaze par aise hi
puchta hai,
wahan v ek lady aise hi bolti hai,
"Ye bahu betiyon ka ghar
hai,humnahi
rakh sakte."

Kai jagah yahi sunne ko milta hai,
To last me kuch soch kar ek aur
darwaza khattkhtata hai aur puchta
hai,

Pappu-"Kya ye bahu betiyon kaghar
hai??"

Aadmi-Haan kya karna hai bol.
Pappu-Ji ek raat gujarni thi.

===============================

Ek Aurat Ko Shaadi Ke Kai Saal Baad Bhi Bachha Na Hua.

Aurat Dukhi Ho Kar Ek Pandit Ke Paas Gayi.

Aurat: “Pandit Ji, Meri Shaadi Ko Paanch Saal Ho Gaye, Par Ek Bhi Bachha Nahi Hua”

Pandit: “Main Badrinath Mein Tumhare Naam Ka Diya Jala Dunga, Jarur Kirpa Hogi”

10 Saal Baad, Pandit Ji Us Aurat Ke Ghar Gaye To Dekha Ke Uske Aangan Mein 10 Bachhe Khel Rahe The.

Pandit: “Mubarak Ho, Bachhon Ke Papa Kaha Hai?”

Aurat: “Badrinath Gaye Hai, Diya Bujhaane“

===============================

 Tchr: Pappu what is ur cast?

Pappu: Phele to Hum Verma the..!

Fir Shrma ho gye.

Uske bad Sunaar fir Luhar ho gye. Abhi hai Drzi

Aage MUMY ki marzi .!!!

===============================

 Zoo ke andar :-
english medium school ke bacche:

"Oh !!! Wow.. Look a monkey is sleeping.. Lets not disturb him ..."
.
.
.
Hindi medium School ke bacche,

" DEKH TERA BAAP SO RAHA HAI.... PATTHAR MAAR SAALE KO ..."'

===============================

Dosto kabhi socha hai bhagwan ne hum sabki shakal(faces) alag-alag banayi hai... lekin jab bhagwan Jee China pahuche to itni saari population dekh kar bole- bhaad me jaao saare China walo, main itne saare alag-alag face nahi bana sakta...

lekin tabhi unko ek idea aaya

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
copy.... paste.... copy.... paste... copy.... paste... copy... paste... copy... paste...

===============================

'Jalebi' ko 'female' dish kyo kaha jata hai....??????.
.
?
.
?
.
?
.
?
.
?
.
?
.
Kyoki....
.
Wo seedhi kabhi nahi ho sakti.....
.
.
Lekin bahot sweet hoti hai.......

===============================

Gawaar : Ye Tv Kitne Ka Hai.
Salesman- Hum Gawaaro Ko Koi
Chiz Nahi Bechte..
Gawaar After 1 Month clean Shave
&
hair cut, : Ye
Tv Kitne Ka Hai..
Salesman: Hum Gawaaron ko Koi
Chiz
Nahi Bechte..
Gawaar After 1 Month Full angrez
banke: WHAT'S D
COST OF THAT TV??
Salesman : Hum Gawaaron ko Koi
Chiz Naahi Bechte..
Gawaarr Gusse Me: Tujhe Kaise
Pata
Chal Jata Hai Ki
mai Gawaar Hu..?
Salsman: Q ki Ye Tv Nahi
"MICROWAVE" Hai.....

===============================

Santa: kal rat mai bathroom gya, to dekha baha bhoOot tha..
.
.
.
.
.
.
Banta: fir kya huya?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.Santa: hona kya tha, maine kaha k aap hi karlo bhoOot ji.. Mera to waise hi nikal gya hai aapko dekh k..

===============================

Ek raat 2 baje bohot tez baarish
ho rahi thi
.
.
santa ne ek aadmi ke ghar ki bell
bajai aur pucha : Dhakka laga
doge kya plz.......?.?
.
.
aadmi neend me tha isliye mana
kar dia aur andar aa gaya
.
.
par fir use guilty feel hua....usne
socha kabhi vo khud baarish me
fas jaye aur koi uski help na kare
to..........?.?
wo utha bahar jaa ke bola: Kya
tumhe abhi bhi dhakka chahiye....?
awaaz aayi :"haan
aadmi : thik hai par tum ho
kahan.........? .?.?
.
santa :"YAHAN GARDEN ME JHULE
PAR.... :

===============================

Teacher: What is ur name......??
.
Student: NISAAR
.
Teacher: Batao ki tum kaise paida hue......??
.
.
.
.
Nisaar: Jawani Janeman, Hasin Dilruba, Mile jo Dil
jawa,NISAAR ho gaya..

===============================

Ek Baar America, Japan Aur India Ke
Police Officers Mein,
Behas Ho Gayi, Ki Kon Sabse Badiya
Hai !!!
Akhir Ye Faisla Hua Ki Competition
Rakha Jaye.
To Competition Mein Ek Sher Ko
Jungle Main Chorr Diya,
America Police Ne 10 Ghante Ke
Andar Sher Ko Pakad Liya.
Sher Ko Phir Jungle Main Choda
Gaya
Aur Japan Police Ko Pakadne Ke Liye
Bheja.
Japan Ki Police Ne 5 Ghante Main
Sher Ko Pakad Liya.
Indian Police 2 Din Tak Laut Ke
Nahi Aayi.
To Sabhi Officers Unko Dhundne Ke
Liye Jungle Main Gaye.
Jungle Mein Dekhte Hai Ki Indian
Police Ek Gidad Ko Ulta Latka
Kar Maar Rahi Thi Aur Bol Rahi Thi:
“ Kabool Kar saale, K tu Hi Sher
Hai 

===============================

Ek garib kishan ka beta jail me the. . . .
us budhe kisan ne apne bete ko jail me khat
likha-
"beta me aalu ki fasal nahi bo sakta,
Itna bada khet mujse nahi khudega
kash tu meri madad kr pata."
.
.
Bete ne wapas jawab diya -
"papa aap khet mat khodna,
mene waha hathiyar chhupa rakhe hai !!!
.
Agle din police force ne sara khet khod diya
par hathiyar nahi mila...
.
Bete ne fir baap ko likha-
papa yaha se me itni hi madad kr pauga,
Aap ab aalu uga dijiye.. :)

===============================

Confidence dekho
.
.
Mallika ne tailor ko 1 rumal dekar kaha
Mere 2 dress bana dena.
.
.
.
.
Ab aap tailor ka confidence
dekho:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Madam baki k kapde ka kya karna hai..??

===============================

girl--->jab c aata hai teri yad
aati hai...
.
jab badal chate hai teri yad aati hai.
.
jab bunde girti hai.teri yad aati hai.
.
.
.
.
.
.boys--->kamini taane mat de pata
hai tera chaata dena hai.

===============================

Kya aapko pata h duniya ka sabse

pehla jahaaz kahan uda tha
.
.
.


.


Janiye is chhote se break k baad.


.


.


.


Surf exel-daag achhe hain.


.


.


Rupa front line-raho sabse aage.


.


.


Garnier-take care


.


.


Asli masale sach sach-


MDH, MDH


.


.


Hum


hai hero-hero


moto corp.


.


.


Laila ko


karna tha impress


majnu ne khai minto Fresh.


.


.


.


Hi handsome Hi handsome


Hi handsome


fair and handsome cream


for mens


.


.


.


.


Rahiye na bekhabar


dekhiye fir khaas khabar


..Aaj Tak


.


.


.


.


Welcome Back to


-- my show


-


-


-


Duniya ka sabse pehla jahaz


"Hawa" me uda tha..

===============================

Ek bahut amir baap ka 3rd fail beta commerce clg gaya !!!

gaya paidal & lauta hero 'passion' bike par !!!!!

ispar baap gusse se bola -nalayak tuje commerce mein iss liye dala h. taki tu paiso ki kadar kare,, ..

pr tu toh paise udaye hi ja raha hai !!

ispar ladka bola ' par hum sab ko class me teacher ne hi passion bike lene ko kaha h..

papa aag babula hokar bola kaunsi teacher uska naam bata "!! aur usne kya kaha ??!!

..beta bola "teacher bole ' U MUST HAVE PASSION TO BE A CA' toh maine passion bike kharid li!!!"

baap heart attack se. maar gaya !!.

===============================

Baap: Sach sach btao ye 100
ka note kaha se laye??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Beta: Mujhe bahar gali ME pada
hua mila.
Aur agar yaqin nai ho to bahar
ja k dekh lo, 1 aadmi Abhi tak
dhund raha Hai .. :O

===============================

एक पहलवान, जो 6 feet लम्बा और strong था,
bus में जा रहा था . . .
Conductor - भाईसाहब Ticket
पहलवान - हम Ticket नहीं लिया करते

Conductor घबरा गया, पर कुछ कर न सका,
पर वो ये बात दिल पे ले गया और Gym join कर लिया . . .

Daily वो पहलवान से पूछता और पहलवान बोलता हम ticket नहीं लेते

ऐसे 6 months निकल गये . . .
अब conductor भी पहलवान की तरह तगड़ा हो गया . . .

अगले दिन conductor - भाई ticket लेले
पहलवान - हम ticket नही लेते

Conductor - छाती दिखाते हुए "क्यूँ नही लेता बे ?"

पहलवान - पास बनवा रखा है, इसलिए नही लेता 

===============================

Govt ka naya rule jiske 5 bacche ho usey Ghar milega.
.
PiNku ke 3 the, Usne Wife Se kaha pados k 2 mere hai unko lata hu.
(Laane ke baad) apne 3 kaha gye..??
.
.
.
.
.
.
Wife:- Jinke the wo le gaye. :D

===============================

Titanic Kaise Dooba Tha Pata Hai???



.
.




.



.
.

Guluk Guluk Guluk
Dubuk Dubuk
Bulubulubulu Poochuk 


Haso Mat Its A Sad Story..!.!! :/

===============================

 Arz kiya hai......
.
.
.
.
Master ji class me sharaab liye baithe hain.....
.
.
.
Wah Wah
.
.
.
Master ji class me sharaab liye baithe hain.....
.
.
.
Aur Bache itne haraami hain
'Sale Glass Liye Baithe Hain'.....

===============================

Girl: Agar mouka mila to tum
mujhse shadi karo ge…??
.
.
Boy:
.
.
.
.
.
.
Agar mouka mil gaya to phir shadi
kerne ki kiya zaroorat hai..

PoGoo

===============================

 1 Ladka Pepsi Samne Rakh Ke Udas Baita Tha
.
Dost aaya Pepsi Pee liya aur pucha Yaar tu Udaas
Q Hai......??
.
Dost bola Yaar Aaj ka Din hi Bura hai.
.
Subah GF Se Jhagda Ho gaya,
.
Raste Me Car Kharab Ho gayi.

0ffice Late Pahuncha To Boss ne Naukri Se Nikal
Diya.
.
Ab Suicide K Liye Pepsi Me ZAHER Milaya Wo Bhi
tu Pee Gya..

===============================

Pappu Or uske 2 dosto ne
daru pee k taxi
roki..
Taxi driver ne gadi start ki
aur fir
wahi par band kar di Aur bola -: Lo saab
pahuch
gaye ...:P
Pehle dost ne use paise de
diye
2nd bola thank u, bada
jaldi pahucha diya ..
Pappu ne taxi driver k ek
thappad laga
diya
Driver dar gaya socha, ye
samaj gaya h shayad ..
.
Pappu bola -:
saale aaram se chalaya kar,
marwa deta

===============================

Santa ka Padosi Mar Gaya.

Wo Uske Ghar Gaya or Pucha:
Body Aa Gai Kya?

Tabhi Body Lekar Ambulance Aa Gayi.

Santa:
Lo Batao,Kitni Lambi Umar Hai.

===============================

 1 Aadmi ke Lips Jale Huye they....
....
Kisi Ne Poocha Ke KAise Jale ??
....
Aadmi Bola:- "Wife Ko Station Drop Karne Gaya tha "....
....
Khushi Ke Maare Train Ke Engine Ko Choom Liya Tha ......"

===============================

Ek Baar Jab Main Bimaar Tha, Main Ek
Bahut Bade Hospital Mein Gaya,
Waha Do Darwaze The,
Ek Par “Khas Bimari” Aur Dusre Par
“Mamuli Bimari” Likha Tha,
Mujhe Mamuli Bimari Thi Isliye Main Mamuli Bimari Wale Room Mein Chala
Gaya,
Waha Bhi Do Darwaze The Ek Par “Khas
Admi” Aur Dusre Par “Aam Admi” Likha
Tha,
Main Thehra Gharib, Isliye Aam Admi Wale Darwaze Se Andar Chala Gaya,
Andar Gaya To Dekha Ke Main Hospital Se
Bahar Tha.
Jiyo India…

===============================

Ek bachcha chup chap.. chhat par baitha tha,
.
Bahut udas tha, yaaro
.
.
Tabhi uske papa wahan aayeaur bole ,
.
Papa: beta, kya baat hai,
mujhe batao me tumhara dost hi hu,
.
.
.
.
.
Beta: are yaar!, apni item se baat kar raha tha to teri wali item ne bahut maara!

===============================

Dil Ko Sabse Zyada Dard Kab Hota
Hai,
.
.

Jab Aap Mobile Charging Par Laga
Kar Jaye,
.
.
.
.
.
.
Aur 2 Ghanta Baad Aakar Dekha Ki Switch
Board Par Button Off Tha :/ :( :-P

No comments:

Post a Comment