Thursday, 21 August 2014

Santa Banta Jokes ...............

Santa Banta Jokes

Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him.
Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank’s slogan was:
We make your dreams come true…
 _________________________________________

Santa:
Major Rohail told me T.V cabel is not good for kids,
they don’t study,so i got rid of it
Banta: Good?
Santa: Now we have a Dish Installed
__________________________________________ 
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell,
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies,
I’m coming daily since 4 days,
I press the bell but no one comes out.
__________________________________________ 
A Chini was in hospital.
SANTA went to meet him.
Chini said “CHING CHONG, MOU.CHU CHA” & died.
SANTA went china 2 know the meaning,
that was:-
KUTTE OXYGN K PIPE SE PAIR Utha.
_________________________________________ 
An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.
__________________________________________ 
Bantas advise:-
Dont carry umbrella during rain
Keep WHISPER on ur head
ye ghanto tak geelepan
ka ahsas nahi hone deta:D
________________________________________
An astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope.
Santa Singh was observing him, suddenly a star falls. 
Seeing that Santa Singh shouted, “what a shot you made!” __________________________________________
American: In our country ,
marriage even takes place with email. 
Santa: In India, it is only with a female
________________________________________

Banta: U get marry with Santa after my death,
Preeto: But why? He is ur no. 1 enemy,
Banta: This is only way to take revenge with Santa.



 __________________________________________



Banta: How r u getting along as a businessman?
Santa: Oh, I am so busy that I have 2 keep my secretary close 2 my bed in case I get an idea at night.



 ________________________________________



Santa: I hav`nt slept all nyt in d train.
Banta: Y?
Santa: Got uper brth.
Banta: Y did`nt u xchange?
Santa: Dere was nobody 2 xchange in d lower brth.



 _______________________________________



Santa: My wife died yesterday. I`m trying to cry but tears are not come out, what to do?
Banta: No Problem. Just imagine she came back.



 _________________________________________



Santa and Banta met after a long time and enquired about their married life.
Banta: My wife is an angel.
Santa: Good! Mine is still with me.

 _______________________________________


Santa committing suicide, Banta asked the reason.
Santa: My wife ran with my friend and I can`t live without my friend.

 _______________________________________


Banta: Why did you sleep with a scale?
Santa: Because I wanted to measure how long I have slept.

 _____________________________________


Santa: I was born in Punjab.
Banta: Which part?
Santa: All of me.

 ______________________________________



Santa: A man opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there.
Banta: Why?
Santa: Because he opened petrol pump on second floor.

 _______________________________________



Banta: Do u know why women starts with `W`?
Santa: Bcoz all questions start with `W`.

 ______________________________________



Banta: What is the thinnest book in the world?
Santa: What Men Know About Women.

 ______________________________________

Banta: Why were males created before females?
Santa: Because you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
_____________________________________


Dr. Santa and Engineer Banta loved same girl.
Er. Banta started giving an apple 2 d girl everyday.
Dr. Santa: Why?
Er. Banta: An apple a day keeps d doctor away!

__________________________________


Santa: When I woke up this morning, I felt like going out and getting a job.
Banta: Did you?
Santa: No. I stayed in bed until the feeling passed.

__________________________________

Santa: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: May I go to the bathroom?
Santa: But I asked first!

__________________________________

Judge: Why r u arrested?
Santa: For shopping early.
Judge: Well, thats not a crime, anyway how early were u shopping?
Santa: Before opening the shop.
________________________________________

Banta: My wife thinks I am perfect.
Santa: Yes I heard her say so.
Banta: When?
Santa: The time she called you an idiot.
______________________________________


Banta: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
Santa: Yes. You are a taxi.

____________________________________


Santa: Did u hear that a baby was fed on elephant`s milk & gained 20 pounds in a week.
Banta: That`s impossible. Whose baby?
Santa: An elephant`s.

______________________________________

Banta: Aren`t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Santa: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
________________________________________

At a traffic court, the judge asked Santa.
Tell me, why did you park your car here?
Santa: Well, there was a sign that said `fine for parking.`

______________________________________


Santa and Banta were fixing a bomb in a car.
Banta: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Santa: Don`t worry, I have one more.

_______________________________________



Banta: Y did u buy ur wife a diamond ring 4 her B'day? I thought she wanted a car.
Santa: She did, but where in d world was I going 2 find a fake car?

__________________________________________


Customer: Do you serve crabs also?
Waiter: We serve anyone who comes, sit down and places the order.

_______________________________________


Banta: Don`t you find writing a thankless job?
Santa: On the contrary, everything I write is retuned with thanks.

___________________________________________


Banta: Name a product in which the supply always exceeds the demand.
Santa: Trouble.

___________________________________________


Santa laughing behind Banta at ATM centre.
Santa: I have seen ur password.
Banta: What is it?
Santa: Its 4 stars [****].
Banta: U r wrong its `3387`.

___________________________________________

While walking in d highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yes!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there`s nothin down here.

___________________________________________


Santa: Why r all these people running?
Man: This is a race, d winner will get d cup.
Santa: If only the winner will get d cup, why are others running?

___________________________________________


Santa is repeatedly buying movie tickets.
Finally the ticket seller asks him why?
Santa: Some guy standing at the door is tearing my ticket!

_________________________________________



Santa saw a beautiful girl, he went and kissed her.
Girl: Stupid what r u doing?
Santa: B.Com final year.
________________________________________


Banta: Some people can tell time by looking at the sun. 
Santa: But I`ve never been able to see the numbers.
_________________________________________


Santa wins 20 cr from Rs.20.00/- lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11 cr after deducting tax.
Angry Santa: Give me 20 cr or else return my Rs.20.00/- back!

______________________________________

Banta: Why were Adam and Eve so happy?
Santa: Bcoz neither of them had in-laws.

____________________________________________


Santa sitting on the top of the mountain and studying.
Banta: What are you doing?
Santa: Higher studies.

_________________________________________



Santa got a job in AIrtel.
Customer: My Airtel sim locked. Wat 2 do?
Santa: Don`t take tension remove Airtel sim & put BSNL. Thank u 4 calling AIrtel.

_______________________________________


Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat.

____________________________________________



Santa is buying a TV.
Santa: Do you have color TVs?
Salesman: Sure.
Santa: Give me a green one, please.

___________________________________________


 Every man needs a beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it`s sad that law allows only 1 wife.

______________________________________


Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Banta: Why are u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can`t u read `Parking for two wheelers only`.
_________________________________________


Banta: Why do you take your wife only to night clubs?
Santa: By the time she gets ready no other place is open.
____________________________________________


Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna enjoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets.
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For u and ur parents.


________________________________________


At d scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I`ve lost my hand.
Santa: Cntrol urself don`t cry. See dat man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

_______________________________________



Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn`t come back yet.
Santa: Why don`t u cook something else?

______________________________________



Museum Administrator: That`s a 500 year old statue you have broken. 
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
________________________________________


Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Santa: I wil not be able 2 attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Santa: My mother wil not allow me 2 go so far.


______________________________________


 Jeeto: Wat is 10 years with me?
Santa: A second.
Jeeto: Wat is $1000 for me?
Santa: A coin.
Jeeto: Ok give me a coin.
Santa: Wait a second

_________________________________



Teacher: Who is ur favorite writer?
Student: Ur daughter.
Teacher: Why?
Student: Everyday she gives me a nice love letter.

_________________________________________



Santa is going late to class.
He entered the class without permission, and said to Teacher: Hey Sweety! Carry on. Don`t Stop for me.


________________________________________


Santa: A sincere Traffic Police was suspended from his job.
Banta: Why?
Santa: Because he charged the Ambulance for over speed.

_______________________________________

Santa: I have made my own life.
Jeeto: Oh no! I was a fool then to blame God.

_________________________________________


Banta: Is your car in good condition?
Santa: Sure, everything makes noise except the horn.

______________________________________

Banta: If your wife sent you out to look for a job, what would you do?
Santa: I would look for a new wife.

No comments:

Post a Comment