Thursday, 21 August 2014

Jokes in English SMS

Jokes in English SMS

A father asks peon: How are the studies in this college? Where do I see my son in future? Peon: The future is bright, I had also completed my engineering from the same college
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“Me sick, no work” Boss SMS back: “When I am sick I kiss my wife try it” 2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss: “Me ok, ur wife very sweet”

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indian- i have 4 sister n 3 brothers what abt u? American-i hav no sis or no bro but i hav 4 moms frm 1st dad n 5 dads frm my 1st mom

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JUDGE:WHY did U Shoot Ur Wife instead of shooting her LOVER?
MAN:Ur Honour, it\'s Easier 2 Shoot a WOMAN once,than ----SHOOTING a Man Every Month!

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Boy- From the day I m ur friend, I m not able to eat, drink or smoke.
Girl- how sweet, so u r madly in LOVE with me..!
Boy- SHUT UP..!!, U made my pocket empty.

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Doctor implants New Ear 2 a man
Man: "U fraud,U gave me a woman's ear"
Doc: It makes no difference Man: "It does,Now I hear everything but understand nothing"

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A girl wearing very short skirt.
A boy asks her, Won't yr mom say nythng abt yr dress?
Girl replied: My mom will b very angry..bcoz I'm wearing her dress.

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Dad:Why aren't you doing well in history?
Pappu:Because the Teacher keeps on asking things that happened before my birth!

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Husband:You know,our son got his brain from me...............
Wife:I think he did,I still got mine with me!!!

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A boy goes to see a cabare dance.
His mom gets angry & asks him:Did u see anything ther that u were not supposed to see?
Boy:Yes,I saw DAD!

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Dad: if u Pass in the exam i will Present u 1 Cycle.
Son: if i fail?
Dad: i will Present 10 Cycle.
Son: why?Dad: To Open Cycle Shop.

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Teacher Give An example to use 'neither-nor'.
Boy: When girls wear tight fittings, neither they are comfortable nor we are comfortable…

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Little Johnny: Teacher, CAN i go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY i go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

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Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil: Moon...
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it.

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WIFE: What Should I Get FOR U FROM London?
HUS: A BRITISH Girl!
She Left Quietly.
On Her Return. HUS: My Gift? WIFE: Honey,Wait For 9Month.

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Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.
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A Business Man ExpLaining The Reason For Having Two Wives....!@!--!@! MonoPoLy... Is ALways Damaging... & Competition... ImProves Service...

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Boss: Drive slow.
Driver: But sir, u said you want to reach the hospital fast.
Boss: Yes, but not as a patient..

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Raj: Meet my wife Divya.
Ajay: Oh, I know her...
Raj: How?
Ajay: We had been sleeping together.
Raj: What the Hell? Ajay: 10 years ago, in our History classes..

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Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!

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Husband: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
Wife : I'm looking for a loophole

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The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes..

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Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.



Giddyup, I"d wish you a happy day, but I"m just a little hoarse - hee haw.""

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Teacher "Four beautiful ladies r walking on the road".
Change it to Exclamatory sentence... Student: "WOW!."

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teacher,wat is the relation betn earth & moon?
pappu: brother-sister.
teacher:how?
pappu: we cal earth dharti mata & moon as chanda mama

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Driver:is der no tree on dis road?
Passengr:Sir,u r so great,I lik ur social mind.
Drivr:Stupid,bus's brake has failed!

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Lady:Is this my train
Station Master:No,it belongs to the Railway Company
L:Don't try to be funny I mean to ask if I can take this train to Delhi
SM:No Madam,Im afraid its too heavy!

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Customer: Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter: I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

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Pappu: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Jeeto: Well, you have done the right thing.
Pappu: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap!

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Man: Whisper those three words that will make me walk on air.
Woman: Go hang yourself!

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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

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Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.
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Commerce professor : what is the most important source of finance for starting business?
Student: "Father in law"!!!!

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Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved'
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them!!!!!!
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Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

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A drunk was hauled into court.
"Mister," the judge began, "You ve been brought here for drinking."
"Great," the drunk exclaimed." When do we get started?"…

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A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home."
I went over. Nobody was home

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Teacher:I wish you would pay a little attention!
Student:I'm paying as little as I can sir

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Teacher:The best way to double the money in stock market!
Student:Invest 4 times the money!!---

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TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!

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TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

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T'CHER:What do we do with crude oil?
S'dent:Teach it some manners

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Teen boy:Dad I want to be like Ghandhiji
Dad:Good why not..!
Boy:Thanx Dad so lets start with marriage as Gandhiji were married at age of 14!!!!

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Why do u take your wife 2 night clubs only?
Laloo-By the time she gets ready no othr place is open!

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First Lady-"If you dont love your husband why dont you divorce him???"
2nd Lady-Oh I hate him so much that I dont want to see him haappy!!

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Hus: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It is Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
WIFE: No darling, its : With Idiot For Ever

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Rama: what is the cost of hair cut?
Barbe: Rs 20
Rama: Then what is the cost of shaving?
Barbe: Rs 10
Rama: Oh! Ok please Shave my head!!!

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Lady sitting on a park bench.
Beggar:Hi darling.!shall v have some fun ?
lady angrily:How dare U ?
Beggar:Then What r U doin on my bed ???

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Teacher:Draw A Diagram Of Bacteria
Pappu:Here It Is Sir!
Teacher:Where? u Haven't Drawn Anything?
Pappu:Sir,Cn u See Bacteria Withot Microscop!!!!!

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College Joke of the year:-
Lecture: Ur head is full of cow dung.."
Student: Oh, that's why, u eat my head everyday!!

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Father: Which r d 2 hardest things U learnt in College?
Son: Opening Beer bottles wth teeth & Lighting Cigarete wth only 1 Match Left In Heavy wind!

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Teacher:2rrow thr'll b a lecture on D Sun.U must all attend
Raju:I'll nt b able 2 mak it Sir.
Teachr:y?
Raju:Mom'll nt let me go so far!!!!!!!!!

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What do u call if Bill Gate's mothr gets bored.?
BEAT THIS Any guess?
MOTHERBOARD!

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Boy & girl in restaurant.
Boy-i love U..
Girl-i dont love U..
Boy-think again?
Girl-i told u NO
Boy-waiter,bring seperate bills.
Girl-i love u too.....!!!!!

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Wife:Wherever we keep d money, our son steals it.I don't know what to do about it
Hus: Keep it in his ENGINEERING books. He'l never touch!!!!

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