Monday, 11 August 2014

Husband Wife Girl Jokes .................

1. Why did God create woman?
-To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

2. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
-The swallow.

3. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
-Call her.

4. Why do women fake orgasms?
-Because they think men care.

5. What is the definition of "making love"
-Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

6. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
-Slow down and use a lubricant.

7. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
- Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your [w]HOLE weak.

8. How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
-None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

9.What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E?
-One's mad cow disease; the other's an agricultural problem.

10. Why does the bride always wear white?
-Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

11. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
-Nothing, she's been told twice already.

12. How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.

13. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
-Made her chain too long.

14. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
-Marry it!

15. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
-A battery has a positive side.

16. What are the three fastest means of communication?
-1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Tel-a-woman

17. Why do hunters make the best lovers?
-Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once, and they eat what they shoot.

18. How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
-They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

19. What should you give a woman who has everything?
-A man to show her how to work it.

20. How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
-They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.

21. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
-She knows she's given her last blow job.

22. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
-A whore sleeps with everyone at the party while a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.

23. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
-After 10 years the job still sucks.

24. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
-Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

25. Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called "waist"?
-Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

26. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
-When you take it off, you wonder where her tits went.

27. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
-Put a nipple on it.

28. Why did the woman cross the road?
-What's the bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first place?!

29. Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
-'cause it doesn't need cleaning yet.

30. How is a woman like a condom?
-Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick
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Source of the jokes

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