Thursday, 21 August 2014

Funny Jokes for u ...............Aadmi Biwi se darta hai

Happy Hour

There was this General-in-training, and his superiors were asking him questions 
"What happened on June 6, 1944?" 
"We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!" 
"What was the turning point of world war 2?" 
"Battle of the bulge, sir!" 
"What's is the importance of May 12" The Man thought and thought "I don't know, sir!" 
The superior then said "Well, I'll tell your wife that you forgot her birthday"
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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, 
told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, 

"Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. 


In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man,he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

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Time

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."

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Change

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?" 
Soldier: "No, SIR!" 
.
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Chuha Billi se darta hai,  
Billi Kutte se darti hai, 
Kutta Aadmi se darta hai, 
Aadmi Biwi se darta hai,  
Biwi Chuhhe se darti hai! 
Duniya gol  hai....   

Ek macchar ek takle ke sar  par ja baita... 
Doosra  macchar bola: Waha kya ghar dunda hai.. 
Pehla  macchar bola: Ghar kaha re abi to sirf  plot kharida hai...
   
Boy to  girl: Hey, if I climb this coconut tree, I can see  engineering college girls. 
Girl:  Leave both  the hands from the tree top and you can see medical college  girls.   

Judge : Is Gunde ke dono  kan  kaat do. 
Gunda :  Nahin main  andha ho jaunga. 
Judge :  Kaan katne  se andha kaise honge?
Gunda :  Chashma kya  tere baap ke  kan pe  bethaunga?   

Teacher:  You idiot!  At your age Einstein was ranked 1st in class. What about  you? 
Student:  Sir, at  your age Hitler committed suicide! What about you?!   

Ek sharabi mar hi raha ta  tab Bhagwan pratyaksh hoke usse poocha: "Koi antim ichcha?' 
Sharabi:  Aagle janam  me ek liver extra laga dena!  
.
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WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next
to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick,
a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say
Father, what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,
sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'

The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned, ' Then
returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How
long have you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here
that the Pope does.'
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The Price of Heroism
A guy walks into heaven and is greeted by heaven's secretary. "Well hello Mr. Jones", the secretary politely says "We'd love to have you here, but I'm afraid you can't come in unless you did a good deed in your life, and your record doesn't show anything. Did you do anything good?"

"Well recently, I saw this man being mugged by a three huge gang-bangers. So, I stopped my car, and pulled out my tire iron. Then, I walked to their leader and hit him hard on the head. After he fell dead, I looked at the others and said,'Who wants some o' this?"

"That's very brave, and kind. What happened next?" Asked the celestial secretary.

"I'm here now, aren't I?"
.
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Modern Heights

1. What is height of Fashion?
A. Dhoti with a zip .
************ **
2. What is height of Secrecy?
A. Offering blank visiting cards.
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3. What is height of Active laziness?
A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
************ **
4. What is height of Craziness?
A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
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5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
************ **
6. What is height of Stupidity?
A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
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7. What is height of Honesty?
A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
************ **
8. What is height of Suicide?
A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
************ **
9. What is height of De-hydration?
A. A cow giving milk powder
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