Sunday, 20 July 2014

Jokes...........Santa Banta jokes .Large Collection ....Part 1

Maths teacher was teaching mathematical conversions.. TeacheIf 1000 kgs=ton then 3000 kgs equal how much ?Santa: Ton.! Ton.!Ton.!..

How do you convert a BUS into a female ?? SANTCome late to the bus stop..BUS MISS ho Jaayegi.

Why does Sardarji cleans the wall with an EAR BUD?Guess...!sochooo.......KYUNKI.....diwaron ke bhi kaan hote hai....
Sir:Bijli Kaha Se Aati Hai?Banta: Mama K Ghar Se.Sir:Wo Kaise?Bnta: KyuKi Jab B Bijli Jati Hai Papa Kahte Hai Saalo Ne fir kaat di!

In a maths eXam everyone was writing except SANTA was dancing. Y..?because someone told him that there is marks for every step

Hindi teacher asks:Kaal Kitne prakaar K hote hain?SANTA answers:Local Kaal, STD Kaal, Trunk Kaal, ISD kaal &dfamous "sastria_Kaal"

SantaBanta: What is a Sindhi called who falls from : 1st floor - Thadani. 17th floor - Kriplani. 30th floor - Marjani.

once SANTA stopped a fight stil he was punished y?coz the fight he stopped was a boxing match

SANTA- I saw my wife going to movie with watchman Friend- Didn't U follow them?SANTA- No yaar, I have already seen that movie..!

Santa: Bhaisahab time kya hua?Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!Santa: Subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain.

Sardar 1: mene apne bete ka naam america rakha hai.Sardar 2: kyu?Sardar 1: me duniya ko batana chahta hu ki me america ka baap hu...|

Sardar watching TV with WifeWife"If Edison wouldn't had invented Power, Wht would U have done?"Sardar"I would have watch TV with candle

A sardar had a child aftr 3 mnth of marige.He askd his wife ye 3mnth k bad bacha kaise hua?Wife replied:tmhari shadi ko kitna arsa hua?Srdar:3month.wife:or meri shadi ko.Srdar:3mnthwife:or bacha kitne month k baad.Srdar:3 mnth.Wife:total kitne hue.

1st sardar:yaar tum nay apni biwi ko talaq kyon di?2nd sardar:yaar woh bari character less thi shaadi mujh say aur bacha bhagwan say mangti thi.

A sardarji went 2 a STD PCO ISD shop n slapped the operator twice ....guess why? cuz der it was witten...'number dial karne se pehele do lagae'..!

3pupil were going on motorcycle,policeman give hand to stop.Santa shouted-oye pagal pahle hi 3 baithay tuje kaha baithe ga

A girl sitting in examination hall with sardar ji.. Girl- sardarji, mein tumhari nakal marloo..! Sardar- ahoo, tu meri nakal maar lay, fir mein teri asal maarta hu…

Santa : People consider me as "God"Banta : How do you know??Santa : When I went to the park today,everybody said, Oh God! Uve come again.

Santa-Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta. Frnd-Fir Tune kya kiya? Santa-Mene unse kaha salo 1-1 karke Aao. Frnd-Phir? Santa-Phir kya,Salo ne 1-1 karke dubara Peeta !.

Fakir to SANTA ke Padosi ne Pet bhar Ke khana khilaya he, Aap bhi Kuch khilao.SANTA Ye Lo HAJMOLA…

SANTA enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why?Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.

Sardar after throwing his mobile in wateAa aa upar aa?Frnd: Arre,pani me mobile feka to wo upar kaise aaega?Sardar:Oye, kyun nahi aaega....Dolphin hai jump bhi marega!!

A studnt atachd Rs.100 Note 2 his test paper & wrote Re.1 for 1 mark, Sardar was paper checker; He sent him Rs.66 back & wrote-U got 34 mark

A lady was kissing a lion inside a cage in circus.Ring master- Can anyone do it? SANTA:-main aata hun par pehle sher ko to hatao.

SANTA witnessed an accident & rushed to assist the driver of a car who's seriously injured. Pulling him out of the wreakage, the driver said with breathing difficulty, "Please..call me..ambulance".SANTA replied "Ok, ok Ambulance . . . !

In a class, teacher asked: If I buy an item@ 12.75 n sell@15.25, it"s loss or profit? SANTA Profit in rupees & loss in paise

SANTA sukhe khet mein boat chala raha tha BANTA-aise SARDARO ne hi SARDARO ka naam kharab kiya hai,agar mujhe swimming aati to jakar use bahut marta

SANTA g school mein 1 white aur 1 black shoes pehan kar chaly gay principal ne SANTA g ko bolaya or kaha ghar ja k shoes chang kar k ao SANTA g boly koi faeeda nahi sir ghar mein b 1 white or 1 black hi ha

Sardar Son: Daddy! My stomach is paining. Sardar:That's because your stomach is empty. Sardarson: Oh! Now I understand Why you always have headache.

SANTA Used to go college with his Dog ... After few years he had to go alone why ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? Beacause the Dog GRADUATED.

Pappu: What's the difference between Confidence and Confidential?Santa: U are my son I'm Confident. Ur friend is also my son, that's Confidential.

Santa attending a interview in a software company.Interviewer:Do u knw MS Office?SANTA:Give the address.I wll find out where it is

How Can U Take d Window Seat From a Santa Going To London..?? Guess.?Ans:Tell Him That d Seats To London Are In d Middle ROW

Santa saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her. Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?" Santa: B.Com final year"

Teacher :What do u call a person who cannot hear?Sardar:U cn cal him anything ,bcoz he cannot hear!

Man:Humare America mein War ho gaya hai Sardar:Humare India mein to roz hi war hota haiMan:wo kaise?Sardar:SomWar, MangalWar, BudhWar..!

Sardar:Shirt K Liye Badhiya Kapda Dikhana?SalesMan:PLAIN Me Dikhau?Sardar:Hawai Jahaaz Tak Jaane Ki Kya Jarurat Hai? Yahi Dikha Do na .

Shadi me sardar bahut der tak khana kha raha tha.Dusre ne pucha kab tak khaoge?SardaR Main to khud kha kha k thak gayaa hu pr card me likha thaDinne7 to 10pm

Santa Ask Banta: Why R U Watching The Funeral By Binocular. . . ?Banta Replies: Yaar Duur Ka Rishtedaar Tha Bechaara . .

Taxi Driver- petrol khatm ho gaya hai. Gadi aage nahi ja sakti.Santa- KOI BAAT NAHI, reverse lelo, vapas ghar chalenge


SANTA: Wat is d different between POETRY and ESSAY?BANTA: Any word said by girlfriend is poetry..!Anything said by wife is essay

This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him: "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai". Sardarji replies: "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai,

school me master ji ne santa se poochha: "mujh me koi bhi kami nahi hai, to mujhe aap log kya kehke bulaaoge ??"santa:"kami-na.!!!"

Sardar bought a new colour tv and put it in the water!!! why.? Why? Why?To check whether colour goes or not..!

Santa always study in front of a mirror because of 3 reasons:1. It helps saving revision time.2. He can keep a watch on himself.3. He likes combined studies

Sardar ka dhaba:Custome Oye sardar teri lassi me makkhi he..Sardar:Oye chupkar Dil bada rakh ye nan hi si jaan teri kitni lassi piyegi

santa apne father k samne cigrate p raha thaLogo ne kaha k father k samne cig p rahe ho?Santa bola:Wo mera father h petrol pump nhi

Sardar ke dost ne 1 april ko khane pe bulaya, ghar pe TALA tha aur likha tha "bevkuf banaya" sardar ne niche likh diya "HUM AYE HI NAHI

Santa was playing chess with his dog..Banta: Yaar, Tumhara kutta to Genius hai !!Santa: Khaak Genius hai, 5 me se 3 game to haar gaya

Santa :- jaldi ek cold drink de, ladai hone wali hai.. Shop Keeper :- lo ! Shopkeeper :- jaldi ek or de, ladai hone wali hai... Shopkeeper :- lekin ladai kab hogi... Shopkeeper :-jab tu paise maangega tab

Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua? Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga,aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai

Santa got an sms from hisgirlfriend...."I MISS YOU"Santa replied..."I Mr. U

sardar ji ne apni biwi ko apne dost ke sath dekhaor apnay dost ko goli maar disardar ki biwi boli:-agar aap ka yehi behaiviour raha to 1 dinaap saray dost kho betho gay-

Santa & Lion How can a Santa kill a Lion?Santa thinks & thinks hard... & comes to a conclusion: "I'll drink Poison.. & let the Lion eat me."

A man to santa lets to play Chess.Santa: You wait i am bringing my Sport Shoes....

Bus AccidentMan Cryin: "Mera hath katgaya.Bot dukh raha he"Santa:"Abe,chup beth.dekh wo admika gala kat gaya,fir b wo chup-chap pada hena!"

Pappu: Dad, main itna jawan kab banunga k main mummy ko bina bataye ghar se bahar ja sakoon.Santa: Beta, itna jawan to aaj tak main bhi nahi hua

2 Sardar Bank Lootney GayMager Gun Ghar Per Bhool GayeLakin Phir Bhi Bank Loot LiyaPta Hai Kaise???Bank Manager Bhi Sardar TahKehne LagaI Trust U....Gun Kal Dikha Jana

An ASS,behind another ASS,behind that I,and behind me the whole NATION....A Sardar teaching his children the spelling of ASSASSINATION!!!

A Sardar puts lot of lipstick on his forehead..........Why?.....coz....he wants to make up his Mind

While at the college Sardar happened to watch the notice board. It reads: Invites suggestions for the modification of Ladies Room. Sardar writes under - Let the men Permit to Enter

Santa:Tum Kitne Saal se Jalebi Bana Rahe Ho?Halwai:30 Saal Se..!Santa:Badi Sharm Ki Bat heTumse Aaj Tak Jalebi Sidhi Nai Bani..

Sardar:Mera 5saal ka beta pagal hain usne kaamwali ko PREGNANT bana diyaDr.Kaise?Sardar:Pagal ne aalpin se mere sare CONDOM me ched kardiye

Sardar1- maine apni BV ko 12th pass karvaya,fir B.A fir M.A aur uski govtJob b lagva di,Ab or kya karu yar?Sardar2-acha sa ladka dekhkar shadi kar de.

SANTA Ko Apna Gadha Bechna Tha Unho Ne Apne Ek Dost Ko Letter Likha Agr Tume Kabhi Kisi Gadhe Ki Zroorut Ho To mujhe yad karna.

Man: I got a brand new Ford IKON 4 my wife!Santa: Wow! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!

Sardar ki maa mar gayi. 1admi-ma mujhe b lejati. 2-4aur bole-ma hume b lejati. Sardar-Chup hojao Saalo,ma kya sumo karke gayi he kya?

There was A MIRROR which used to kill LIERS Frnch:I think I Dont Smoke (Killed) Americn:I think I lOVE IRAQ (kILLED) sARDAR:I Think(Killed)

IN KBC Amitabh:In Which State Cauvery Flows?Sardar:Liquid State Audience Clapped Amitabh Stunned Luks Behind ALL were SARDARS!!

Santa: Aaj Mera beta first class me aaya..MasteVery gud.. Kisme aaya??Santa: "RAJDHANI EXPRESS TRAIN" me aaya..

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that??Santa: Tipu Sultan's skeleton.Tourist: and smaller skeleton next to it?Santa: Tipu's when he was child..

Ek truck dusre truck ko khinckar le ja rha tha, ye dekkar sardar haskar lotpot hoke gir pada, aur bola ek rassi ka tukda uthakar le jane ke liye 2-2 truck..

Santa 2 Bill Gates:Sir,How is it tht ur name is Gates bt u r selling WINDOWS

Santa train ki patri par so gaya..Ek admi bola train ayegi to mar jayega!Santa:Plane upar se gaya kuch nahi hua to train kya chiz he!

In A cricket ground.. Security:Cricket match is over now,why r u stil sitting? SardaR koi baat nahi highlight dekhuga

Santa ke ghar sasural wale aye,Biwi ne kaha jao Mehmano ke liye kuch lekar aao...!Santa bahar gaya aur Taxi le kar aa gaya!!

Sardar 2 a conductoShould i buy tickets 4 my children?ConductoOnly if they r above 8.SardaThank God., i have only 6 children

Santa:Jab tumhari wife gum hui to police ko kyu nahi bataya Banta:Kyuki jab mera scooter gum hua tha to Police walone 15/20 din istemaal karke lautaya tha…

Sardar traveling in plane, going 2 BangaloreWhile landing,he shouted"Banglore Banglore"Airhostess:"B silent"Sardr:Ok"anglore anglore

santa: yaar kal mene tujhe kitne call kiye, lekin tune phone kyu nahi uthaaya?banta: kyu uthaaun?30 Rs. deke jo gaana lagwaaya hai, wo kya tera baap sunega

Santa drives in2 1-way & cross NO ENTRY board. Police: Oye tainu No ENTRY da board dekha nai? Santa" Oye!Mainu lagga film poster hai

Santa: Jab mai chota tha,kutub minar se gir gya tha.Banta : fir tu mar gya ya bach gayaSanta : mujhe yad nahi tab mai bahut chota tha

Santa: Cheel ko English me Kya Kehte Hai?Banta: Eagle.Santa: Agar cheel bimar ho jaye to?Banpat: Illeagal! (ill-eagle)

Sardar ko ek blank message aaya, phir sardarne usi mobile ko phone karke bola,tumhe malum hai tumhare mobile ka ink khatam ho gayi hai...

A Sardar saw a very high BSNL tower & Redlight glowing on d top & said "India is developing fast,see there are traffic signals 4 Aeroplane

Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these daysGuess why?because somebody had told him thatit is wrong to sleep with married women

Santa's father gave him a gun on wedding night & said: Fire in air if ur wife is virgin, shoot her if not.Santa fired in air 1st night & shot her 2nd night.

Sardayaar meri biwi ghar chodkar bhag gai..Mona: tune use pyar se nahi rakha hogaSardanahi yar sagi behan se bhi badhkar rakha tha

Santa ji aapko kabhi pyar nahi hua ? santa - o yar hua tha, par wo manti nahi thi, hamesha i love U kheti thi, pata nahi ye ullu ka pattha 'U' kaun tha.

Advocate:Talak karvane ke 5000 lagenge...Sardar:Pagal ho,Panditji ne 51 mein shadi karvai thi...Advocate:Dekha saste ka natija!!!

Santa:Ladki ko "I love U" bolne ki sbse achhi jagah?Banta:Mandir Santa:wo kaise?Banta:kyoki waha unhone sandle nahi pahni hoti hai

Teacher:Oxygen is must for Breathing . It was discovered in 1773.Sardar:Thank God I was born after that .Pehla Paida hota to mar hi jata

Sardar was busy removing a wheel 4m his auto.A man ask sardar Yr u removing a wheel 4m ur auto.sardar :can u read parking for 2 wheeler

Santa ka radio kharab hua usne khol k dekha, andar mara CHUHA mila, ye dekh k santa gusse me bola oh ho chalega kaise singer hi mar gaya hai

A SARDAR went 2 a BANK 2 open a S.B. A/C.After seein the FormHe had gone to DELHI for filling up U know y?FORM say "FILL UP IN CAPITAL

Santa Pilot se head phoneCheen Raha hota hai....Pilot : Yeh Kya kar rahe ho ?Santa: Ticket Hum Dein Aur Gane ( Songs) Tu Akela sune

Santa to Banta:10 years AGO when I used to return HOME, my DOG used to GREET of by BARKING & WIFE by KISSING.now they have REVERSED their ROLES.

Banta was traveling in an auto with his wife.The driver adjusted the mirror. Banta shouted:U r trying to see my wife, sit back i drive

SANTA car ki battery change karwane gayaMchanic- Sahab, Exide ki daal doon?SNTA- Nahin yaar,dono side ki daal de,warna phir problem hogi

Magistrate: How dare u stole that diamond ring frm the jewellers shop.Santa: It was written in Bold letter "DON'T MISS THIS GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY.."

Sardar:That cow is lovely colour.Farmer:Yes,It's a Jersey.Sardar:Oh,i thought it was its skin!

3sardar bed pr so rhe the ar un tino ko jagh thik se nai ho rahi thi.1srdar bed k niche sone chala gaya.2re srdar ne use kaha"Ab jagah ho gai upr aja"

SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.2.Weakness:Banta' s wife,Preeto.3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.4.Threat:When I am on tour

SANTASamose K andar ka masala kha raha tha.BANTA:Yeh kya hai?SANTA:doctor ne mujhe bahar ka khana mana kiya hai!

Teacher asked Sardar" If U dial 001 then what will happen?"Sarda"Police Jeep will come, in Reverse Gear…

Santa-Tum Dusaro Se Q Kehte Ho Ki Me Murkh Hu. Banta- Maaf Krna Mujhe Nahi Pata Tha Ki Ye Baat Gupt Rkhni Hai.

1 Ship me 300 Sardar ja rahe the, bina Ship doobe sabhi doob gaye Kaise??Ship band ho gaya our sare Sardar dhakka dene k liye utar gaye

Doctor:Bachey ko paani dene se pehle boil ker lena chahiyeSardar:Lekin Janab Boil krne se bacha mar to nahi jayega na!

1 sardar behosh ho gya doc-ye mar gya h, jb usko jlane lage sardar uth k bola- me zinda hu.Sardarni boli:chup tu kya doctr se jyada janta Hai

Santa Cigrate P Raha Tha AURAT-Tmhare Maa-Baap Ko Pata He Tm Cigrate Pite Ho? Snta-Kya Apke Husband Ko Pata H Aap Ajnabi Se Baat Krti Ho

Santa Bcom Driver of Train D 1st Train Driven by him was 8hrs late bcoz he stoped at every Fatak & ask Amritsar k lia Ahi line jati hai kya

Santa in Bio practical exam.Prof: Tell d birds name by seeing its leg.Snta: I don't know.Prof: U faild. Wat's ur name?Snta: C my Leg & TELL...!:

Santa har sunday holi khelta tha1 admi ne pucha santa ji aap har sunday holi Q khelte ho ?santa :- OYE, SUNDAY MATLAB HOLI-DAY..

SaNTA My mobile bill how much? Centre girl: Just dial 123 to know ur current bill. SANTA Stupid,not current bill My mobile bill..

Santa- Maine kabhi bhi shadi nahi karuga aur aur aur Aur Na Hi Apne baccho ko karne Dunga.

Teachr 2 Santa: Wht z Numbr "Seven", Even r Odd? . Santa: Even . TchHw can u make seven even? . Santa: Remove d 'S'

Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days. Guess why? Becoz somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women..

Santa:Judge Sahab,Mujhe Talaq Chahie Pichle 1Saal Se Meri Biwi Ne Mujhse Baat Nahi Ki Judge:1Baar Firse Sochle,Aisi Biwi Kismat Se Mili Hai

Sardar was riding a helicopter.Aftr sumtime it crashd! Frnd: What happnd? SardIt was cold at the top so I switchd off d helicopter fan."

Santa at petrol Pump-Bhai 1 rs Ka petrol dal de SalesMan:- Itna Sa Dalva kaha Jana Hai? Santa:- jana kaha hai,hum to aise hi piase udate hai

Santa-Tum Dusaro Se Q Kehte Ho Ki Me Murkh Hu. Banta- Maaf Krna Mujhe Nahi Pata Tha Ki Ye Baat Gupt Rkhni Hai.

1 Ship me 300 Sardar ja rahe the, bina Ship doobe sabhi doob gaye Kaise??Ship band ho gaya our sare Sardar dhakka dene k liye utar gaye

Doctor:Bachey ko paani dene se pehle boil ker lena chahiyeSardar:Lekin Janab Boil krne se bacha mar to nahi jayega na!

1 sardar behosh ho gya doc-ye mar gya h, jb usko jlane lage sardar uth k bola- me zinda hu.Sardarni boli:chup tu kya doctr se jyada janta Hai

Santa Cigrate P Raha Tha AURAT-Tmhare Maa-Baap Ko Pata He Tm Cigrate Pite Ho? Snta-Kya Apke Husband Ko Pata H Aap Ajnabi Se Baat Krti Ho

Santa Bcom Driver of Train D 1st Train Driven by him was 8hrs late bcoz he stoped at every Fatak & ask Amritsar k lia Ahi line jati hai kya

Santa in Bio practical exam.Prof: Tell d birds name by seeing its leg.Snta: I don't know.Prof: U faild. Wat's ur name?Snta: C my Leg & TELL...!:

Santa har sunday holi khelta tha1 admi ne pucha santa ji aap har sunday holi Q khelte ho ?santa :- OYE, SUNDAY MATLAB HOLI-DAY..

SaNTA My mobile bill how much? Centre girl: Just dial 123 to know ur current bill. SANTA Stupid,not current bill My mobile bill..

Santa- Maine kabhi bhi shadi nahi karuga aur aur aur Aur Na Hi Apne baccho ko karne Dunga.

Teachr 2 Santa: Wht z Numbr "Seven", Even r Odd? . Santa: Even . TchHw can u make seven even? . Santa: Remove d 'S'

Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days. Guess why? Becoz somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women..

Santa:Judge Sahab,Mujhe Talaq Chahie Pichle 1Saal Se Meri Biwi Ne Mujhse Baat Nahi Ki Judge:1Baar Firse Sochle,Aisi Biwi Kismat Se Mili Hai

Sardar was riding a helicopter.Aftr sumtime it crashd! Frnd: What happnd? SardIt was cold at the top so I switchd off d helicopter fan."

Santa at petrol Pump-Bhai 1 rs Ka petrol dal de SalesMan:- Itna Sa Dalva kaha Jana Hai? Santa:- jana kaha hai,hum to aise hi piase udate hai

A new Boy joins class_ He finds two Boys similar in appearance. Asks one of them Are you both twins...? Boy replies No. We are neighbour

A boy saw a Beautiful Gal. He went & kissed her... GAL : "Stupid...! What're U doing...??" boy : "B Com final year...And U ??"

Man to Doc:Is there any way for long life? Doc:Get married. Man:Will it help? Doc:No,but the thought of long life will never come to your mind

What is D diff. betwn a Secretary&a Personal Secretary? Secretary says,"Good Morning Sir"&Personal Secretary says,"Oh my God!Its morninG sir.

Technical question: Where u can find mangoes? ...no it is nt in mango tree ..shop?no wrong.. Ans: where WOMENgoes there MANgoes

Wife: Why are you home so early? Husband: My boss told me to go to hell.

SardaR Express kitne baje ka hai?Man: 1 baje Sard local?Man: 9 baje SardR malgadi?Man: 12 baje Man: kahan jaana hai?Sard Rail line cross karni hai..

Ek dost ne santa se poocha "yaar tu hamesha foreign channel kyondekhta rehta."....Santa "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharch hone do."

Santa went to mysore palace.Tourist guide : Santaji plz dont sit there, its TIPU SULTAN's chair.Santa : oye dont worry yaar i will get up when he comes.!!

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