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Thursday, 10 April 2014

Rahul Gandhi Jokes, चुनावी चुटकुले, Political jokes , Arnab and Pappu jokes

मतदाता (चुनाव लड़ रहे नेता से) यह तो बताइए आप जीत गए तो क्या करेंगे? 
नेताः भाई, मुझे तो चिंता इस बात की है कि अगर हार गया तो क्या करूँगा। 
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नेता जी ने दिल्ली में करीब एक हफ्ते से डेरा डाल रखा था। उनके साथ आई उनकी पत्नी ने एक दिन उकता कर पूछ लियाः आखिर बात क्या है कि आप यहां से हिलने का नाम नहीं ले रहे हैं। 
अरे भागवान! मुझे चुनाव में खड़े होने का टिकट चाहिए या नहीं... 
वाह जी, ट्रेन हो या सिनेमाहाल, हर कहीं तो आप बिना टिकट जाते हो, फिर चुनाव के लिए भला क्यों?
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टीचरः सूखे और बाढ़ में जमीन-आसमान का अंतर कैसे है? 
छात्रः सूखे में नेताजी जीप से दौरा करते हैं, और बाढ़ में हेलिकॉप्टर से.... 
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नेता का बेटा: पापा मुझे भी राजनीति में उतरना है, कुछ टिप्स दीजिए। 
नेता: बेटा, राजनीति के तीन कठोर नियम होते हैं, चलो पहला नियम समझाता हूँ... नेताजी ने बेटे को छत पर भेज दिया और ख़ुद नीचे आकर खड़े हो गए। 
नेताजी: छत से नीचे कूद जाओ, 
बेटा: पापा, इतनी ऊंचाई से कुदूंगा तो हाथ-पैर टूट जायेंगे। 
नेताजी: बेझिजक कूद जा, में हूँ न, पकड़ लूँगा। लड़के ने हिम्मत की और कूद गया पर नेताजी नीचे से हट गए। बेटा धडाम से औंधे मुंह गिरा। 
बेटा: (कराहते हुए) आपने तो कहा था मुझे पकडेंगे फिर हट क्यों गए। नेताजी: ये है पहला सबक- राजनीति में अपने पिता पर भी भरोसा मत करो... 
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नेता की पत्नीः आपकी हार का मुख्य कारण क्या रहा? 
नेताः मै शिकार हो गया था.. पत्नीः किस चीज का? नेताः सही मतगणना का...
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God decided that it was finally time to end the World, so he called together those whom he considered the Three Most Influential People in the World:

1. President of USA Barrack Obama,
2. Chinese President Xi Jinping, and
3. Prime Minister of India Manmohan Singh

“The World will End soon now,” God told them. “You must go and tell all the People.”

Obama, made a Live Statement on National Television.
“I’ve Good News and BAD News” he said.
“The Good News is that we have been Right, there is a God. The Bad News is that He is Ending the World.”

The second person, Xi Jinping sent out a Worldwide Message:
“I’ve Bad News and WORSE News,” he said.
“The Bad News is that we have been Wrong all along – there is a God. The Worse News is that He is Ending the World.”

The third person, Manmohan Singh immediately calls up Sonia Gandhi and tells her:
“I’ve Good News and EVEN BETTER News. The Good News is that God thinks I’m one of the Three Most Influential Persons in the World. The Even Better News is that we do not have to Worry about how to Stop Narendra Modi from becoming PM, because God is Ending the World…”
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Did you notice…

This year’s election is a Bachelor’s Party

Narendra Modi,
Rahul Gandhi
Jayalalitha
Mayawati
Mamta Bannerji
Anna Hazare….

Desh ka bhavishya keval Kunwara Vyakti hi badal sakta hai…

Kyunki… Shaadi-Shuda insaan to saala TV ka channel bhi apni marzi se nahin badal sakta!!
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Arnab: So Pappu, what do you drive?

Pappu: My father was a pilot and so was my uncle. They had their pilots license from USA. When my grandmother didn’t die in a plane crash… (Arnab, now trying hard to conceal hi amusement cuts him short yet again)

Arnab: I ll repeat the question again and please be very very specific in answering it. What do you drive?

Pappu: Before we get into the specifics we have to delve into little bit of the facts that why I am sitting here and answering your questions. When you were young…. (Cut short again!)

Arnab: Gotcha! You dont drive anything you just ‘drive me and listeners crazy’. Lets quickly move onto the next question after a short break.
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Arnab: What are you gonna eat tonight?
Pappu: To know that answer first you must know what is night. A night is something that is not a day. Its not something that is even evening but….(Arnab cuts him short)
Arnab: But wait wait I asked you specifically what are you gonna eat?
Pappu: Can I ask you what are you gonna eat? Because it make a huge difference to know how things ….(Arnab cuts him short again)
Arnab: I get it, You are gonna eat my head. Lets move to the next question.
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New word added to english dictionary after 28.01.2014 (Rahul Gandhi Interview with Arnab)
Pappu(verb) : to talk nonsense irrelevant to questions asked and make a complete fool of oneself.
Usage: How was your viva?
Answer: I pappued it.
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After interview .. Rahul gandhi went home , hugged her mother and said .. Mommy sab syllabus ke bhaar ka questions tha ..
Sonia: How was the interview beta?
Raga: Mom, I prepared for history exam and arnab took math’s

Rahul Gandhi’s interview reminded me of the Azharuddin days.
Commentator: How is the pitch? 
Azhar: The boys played well

Arnab: What came first? The chicken or the egg??
RaGa: We want to empower the chicken and give RTI to the egg. :-D

If RaGa becomes PM, the red beacon that he’ll get for his vehicle will
be called LOL batti

Rahul talked of empowering people a 100 times in 10 minutes. And he
has not been able to empower his PM in 10 years!

Rahul Gandhi just told Arnab Goswami that the questions are out of syllabus.

You know how in exams we know very little and try to fit it in every
answer? That’s what Rahul is trying to do in every question!

The fundamental issue at hand is by the time Rahul understands the
question Arnab is on 3th question

Rahul Gandhi has now said ‘empowering women’ more number of times than
total women population of the country.

This is like watching 2 different shows. Arnab’s questions and Rahul’s answers.

Arnab: “Would you have a debate with Modi?”
Rahul: “Look we need an alternative. Tap global energy. Empower women!!!”

Arnab: What is your name?
Rahul: Empower women.

Just In: Arnab Goswami booked for raping Rahul Gandhi under section 377

If Stupidity was measured in bricks, Rahul Gandhi would be the great
wall of China.

Every time Congress try to dig a grave for Narendra Modi, Rahul Gandhi
jumps into it.

Somewhere down below Indira Gandhi must be slapping Rajiv for not
using condoms 40 years ago !!

World’s leading Condom companies are buying rights to the Pappu’s
interview …to prove a point …dont repent later

and the best….

If you missed, Rahul Gandhi interview will be repeated on Pogo Channel !!!
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Rahul-Gandhi-Jokes-On-Interview-With-Arnab-Goswami (2)
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True.. Arnab Goswami let him speak a lot in this interview.
Rahul-Gandhi-Jokes-On-Interview-With-Arnab-Goswami (10)


1 comment:

  1. राहुल गाँधी अमेठी की गलियों में वोट माँग रहा था।
    नन्दू के घर के सामने भीड़ देखकर रूक गया। पूछा तब पता चला कि नन्दू का बाप मर गया और शव यात्रा निकलने ही वाली है।
    चुनाव है, मजबूरन शव यात्रा में शामिल होना पड़ा।
    शमशान घाट पहुँचे ।
    सोचा 'मौका अच्छा है चौका लगा ही देता हूँ।
    'फटाफट माईक का इंतजाम करवाकर लगे शमशान घाटपर ही भाषण देने ''भाईयों बहनों, देखो सरकार का काम, देश आजाद हुए 67 साल हो गये।
    आज भी हमें अपने प्रियजनों का अंतिम संस्कार करने के लिये इतना पैदल चलना पड़ता है।
    आप लोग मुझे वोट दें मैं वादा करता हूँ कि अगर हमारी सरकार आएगी तो हम हर घर में"शमशान घाट बना देंगे।"

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