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Saturday, 19 April 2014

Best of Condom Jokes.................

A fellow is going on tour of a factory that produces various latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a noise: Hiss, Hiss, Hiss, Hiss-Pop!

"Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the hiss, hiss is, but what's that pop every so often?"

"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."

"Well, that can't be good for the condom!" the man states.

"Very true, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"
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Santa Chemist Shop Pe Gaya Aur Bola:
“Bhai Sahib Ek Condom Dena Mujhe Meri Girlfriend Ko Gift Dena Hai”
Shopkeeper: “Ispar Cover Chada Doon Kya?”

Santa: “Oye Nahi Gadhe Ye Hi To Cover Hai Gift To Mere Pass Hai“
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Pandit Ji Sex Karne Ke Baad  Condom Dho Kar Rakhne Lage.
Panditayin Boli: “Ab Isko Kyu Sambhal Kar Rakh Rahe Ho, Kya Karoge Iska?”
Pandit Ji: “Agle 15 Din Naya Nahi Pehnenge, Sharaadh Chal Rahe Hain Na.“
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A Drunk Goes To Chemist & Shouts: “I Want Condom”
Chemist: “Sir, Please Be Decent”
Drunk Unzips, Puts Dick On Table & Says: “Do You Have Clothes For This Beauty?“
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What Is The Difference Between Bad & Worse
Bad: “When Your Parents Found Your Last Nights Used Condom”
Worse: “When You Have To Chew It To Prove That Its A Chewing Gum..!!“
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Boy Friend Ne Ek Din Apni Girlfriend Ko Kaha
Ladka: “Janu, Kya Main Tumhe Ek Kiss Kar Sakta Hun?”
Ladki: “Condom Laye Ho Kya?”
Ladke Ko Samajh Na Aaya To Usne Puchha
Ladka: “Arrey, Kiss Karne Ke Liye Condom Ki Kya Jarurat Hai?”
Ladki: “Achha, Sharif To Aise Ban Rahe Ho Jaise Kiss Karne Ke Baad Khade Hathiyar Pe Meri Panty Tangoge?“
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Kya Aap Bhi Pareshan Hai Ese Dialogs Se
“Aaj Nahi, Aaj To Mera Vrat Hai”
Gabraye Nahi, Ab Aise Dino Ke Liye Jaldi Hi Aa Raha Hai
Manforce Condom In Sabudana Flavor,
Only For Fasting Days,
Ab Upvas Bhi Hoga Khaas.
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After Marriage Rs.6000 Per Month,
Or Condom Rs.3.30,
Or 10 Minutes In Bathroom Rs.0.00,
Choice Is In Your Hands.
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Santa Ke Do Bache The Aur Uski Biwi Nahi Chahti Thi Ki Aur Bachhe Ho
So Isliye Vo Use Har Bar Sex Karte Hue Condom Lagane Ko Bola Karti Thi
Ek Din Raat Ko Santa Jab Sex Karne Laga To Condom Lagate Hue Bola
Santa: “Uff Ye Roz Roz Condom Laga Ke Main To Dukhi Ho Gaya Hun”
Biwi Sharmate Hue Masumiyat Se Boli: “Aap Ispe Lamination Hi Kyu Nahi Karva Lete?“
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Teacher Bachho Ko History Samjha Rahi Thhi, Ek Dum Se Usne Class Mein Bethe Bachho Se Puchha.
Teacher: “Why Love Is Better Then War?”
Chinki Khadi Hui Aur Muskurati Hue Boli
Chinki: “Madamji, Arey Aapko Itna Bhi Nahi Pata, Simple Because Condom Is Cheaper Then Gun.“
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Baba Saxidas Ji Ka Ek Parvachan
Agar Abortion Karvana Murder Hai To, Condom Use Karna Kidnapping Hai
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Baba Saxidas Se Unki Ek Nayi Bani Cheli Ne Puchha
Cheli: “Baba Ji, Ye Manglasutra Ka Kya Use Hai?”
Baba Ji: “Ye License Hai Kamasutra Ko Bina Condom Ke Enjoy Karne Ka”
Cheli: “Wahh Ye To Pata Hi Nahi Thha, Aur Fir Ye Condom Ka Kya Use Hai?”
Baba Ji: “Ye Ek License Hai Kamasutra To Bina Manglasutra Ke Enjoy Karne Ka.“
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Ladki Chemist Shop Pe Jaati Hai Aur Dukandar Ko Bolti Hai
Ladki: “Ek Condom Dena”
Dukandar: “Kis Liye?”
Ladki Gusse Se: “ Tere Baap Ko Gift Karungi, Taaki Tere Jaisa Kam Dimag Dusra Na Paida Ho“
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Class Men Teacher Ne Pucha: “Why Are Condoms Transparent?”
Santa: “So That Sperms Can At Least Enjoy The Scene Even If Their Entry Is Restricted”
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A Man Goes To Medical Shop To Buy A Condom
Sales Girl: “May I Hold U Penis For Size?”
She Orders: “Give Him A Small”
 Wait!!!! “Give Him A Medium”
Wait!!!! “Give Him A Large”
Shit!!!! ” Give Me A Tissue Paper!!!!”
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Pati Ka Sex Karne Ka Mood Thha Office Se Ghar Aate Hue Bazar Se Condom Le Aya
Ghar Aaya To Patni Ne Us Se Pucha
Patni: “Ye Condom Kitne Ka Hai?”
Husband: “10 Rupe Ka”
Patni: “Hey Bhagwan, Mehngayi To Dekho, Jab Main Saatvi Class Mein Thhi Tab 50 Paisi Ke 3 Aate Thhe“
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Santa Ki Condoms Banane Ki Factory Thhi
Ek Baar USA Se Order Aaya Ki 14 Inch Ke Condoms Bana Do.
Santa Ne Socha: “Itne Bade Size Ke Condom Banva Ke America Wale Hamari Beizzti Karna Chahte Hai”

Usne Apne Workers Ko Kaha: “Tum Condoms Ka Order Ready Karo, Aur Packing Wale Dibbe Pe Likh Dena, Medium Size“
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Ladki Chemist Shop Pe Jati Hai Aur Bolti Hai
Girl: “Aapke Pass 12 Inch Ka Condom Hai?”
Shopkeeper: “Haan Hai, Boliye Kitne Du?”

Ladki: “Arey Nahi, Mujhe Nahi Chahiye Par Mera Mobile Number Note Kar Lo. Jo Bhi Ye Condom Purchase Kare Usko Mera Mobile Number De Dena”
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Teacher: “What Is A Condom?”
Aamir Khan Muskurane Lag Jata Hai
Teacher: “Aap Itna Muskura Kyu Rahe Ho?”
Aamir: “Sir!, Wo Kya Hai, Bachpan Se Iccha Thi Ki Main Sex Education College Mein Padhu! Aaj Yaha Padh Raha Hu, Bahut Maza Aa Raha Hai”
Teacher: “Zyada Maza Lene Ki Zarurat Nahi Hai, Condom Ki Defination Bolo?”
Aamir: “Sir! Condom Is Anything Which Reduces Population”
Teacher: “Will U Plz Elaborate?”

Aamir: “Har Wo Cheez Jo Population Control Kare!”
“Baccha Paida Nahi Karna Hai, Condom Hai Na”
“Masti! Chahiye Raat Se Lekar Subah Tak, Condom Hai Sir”
“Actualy Sir! Hum Condom Se Ghire Hue Hai”
“8th Class Ke Ladke Se Lekar Mujh Tak, Sab Condom Ka Use Kar Rahe Hai”
“1 Second Mein In, 1 Second Mein Out, In-Out, In-Out”
Teacher: “Arre… Defination Kya Hai?”
Aamir: “Wo Hi To Bata Raha Hu Sir”
Teacher: “Exam Mein Ye Sab Likhoge?”
“Ye Condom Hai! Masti! Raat Se Lekar Subah Tak! Idiot”
“Anybody Else??”
Chattur: “Sir!, Condom Are Between Any Combination Of Body So Connected, That Their Relative Positions May Be Seen In Kamasutra..”
Teacher: “Wah! Kya Baat Hai.“
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Sex Peroid Mein Teacher Ne Bacho Se Pucha
“Tum Us Aadmi Ko Kya Kahoge Jo Condom Use Nahi Karta”

Classroom Ke Sare Students Zor Se Bole: “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy“
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Ek Banda 3 Babies Ke Saath Train Mein Jaa Raha Tha.
Sath Mein Bethi Ek Lady Ne Puchha: “Kya Ye Aapke Bachhe Hai?”
Person Replied: “Nahi Ji, Main Ek Condom Factory Chalata Hun Aur Ye Customers Ki Complaints Hai“
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What Is The Definition Of Innocence?
A: A Nun Working In A Condom Factory Thinking She’s Making Sleeping Bags For Mice.
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3 Friends Aids Ke Bare Mein Baatein Kar Rahe Thhe
1st: “Main Kabi Bina Condom Ke Nahi Karta”
2nd: “Main To Ungli Karte Hue B Condom Pahanta Hoon”
Santa: “Yaaro Main Te Bilkul Hi Risk Nahi Lenda, Padosi To Karvanda Haan“
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Sardar Shopkeeper Ke Paas Gaya Aur Bola: “Mere Size Ka Condome Milega?”
Dukandar Hairani Se : “Tum Itne Bade Condome Ka Kya Karoge?”
Sardar Replied: “Yaar! Fancy Dress Show Mein p***s Ban Kar Jaunga“
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Ek Wari Santa Di Biwi Jeeto Nu Chandigarh Kisi Kaam Naal Jana Si Jado Oh Apni Packing Kar Rahi Si Te Santa Soch Reya Si
“Kinni Boli Hai Main Naal Nahi Jaa Reya Fer Vi Condome Naal Leke Jaa Rahi Hai“
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3 Ladkiya Lunch Ek Sath Kar Rahi Thhi Or Office Ki Baatein Kar Rahi Thhi
1st: “Maine Na Aaj Boss Ki Drawyer Mein Condome Dekha”
2nd: “Maine Bhi Dekha Tha Par Maine Usmein Ek Pin Se Mori Kar Di”
3rd: “Haramzadi marva diya na!!“
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Nokia Condoms – Connecting People
Mrf Condoms – Extra Rubber Extra Mileage
Moov Condoms – Aah Se Ahaa Tak
Dunlop Condoms – Extra Wide Extra Grip
Mirinda Condoms – Zor Ka Jhatka Dhere Se Laghe
Air India Condom – The Maharaja Condom
Panama Condoms – Nothing Between You And Me
Duracell Condoms – Longer Lasting
Gadgil Condoms – Environment Friendly
Hero Honda Condom – Fill It, Shut It, Forget It
Mrf Zigma Condoms – Space Age Condoms
Lux Condoms – Filmi Sitaron Ki Pasand
Kelvinator Condom – Its The Coolest One
Bajaj Condoms – Buland Bharat Ki Buland Tasveer
Four Square Condom – Live Life King Size
Videocon Condoms – Bring Home The Leader
Philps Condoms – Lets Make Things Better
Onida Condoms – Neighbours Envy, Owners Pride
Pepsi Condoms – Yehi Hai Right Choice Baby ….Aaaha
Thums Up Condoms – Taste The Thunder
Coca-Cola Condoms – Eat Condom, Sleep Condom Wear Only Coca-Cola Condoms
Ariel Condoms – Dhundate Reh Jaaoge
Rotomac Condoms – Sab Kuch Dikhta Hai
Wills Condoms – Made For Each Other
Servo Condoms – Use Servo, Add Life
Ceat Condoms – Born Tough
Amul Condom – A Gift For Someone You Love
Bpl Condoms – Beleive In The Best
Nike Condoms – Just Do It
Siemens Condoms – Communication Unlimited
Visa Condoms – Go Get It
Bagpiper Condoms – Khub Jamegi Masti Jab Mil Baithenge Teen Yaar,Main, Aap Aur Begpiper Condom
Polo Condoms – A Condom With A Hole
Colgate Condoms – Maa-Maa Mere Condom Me Ched Hai
Cadburry Condom – Asli Swad Jindagi Ka
Prestige Cooker Condom – Jo Biwi Se Kare Pyaar Woh Condom Se Kaise Kare Inkaar
Wills Condoms – Official Sponsor For Indian Cricket Team
Mint-O – Condoms – The Whole Condom
Sony Condoms – Its A Condom
Surf Condom – Bhala Uska Condom Mere Condom Se Gila Kaise
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Agar Koi Condom Company Ne Cricket World Cup Ko Sponsor Kiya Hota To Uski Advertisment Esi Hoti

Cover Your Stump.
Before You Pump
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If Your Boss Says Nothing Is Impossible..
Ask Him To Try And Wear A Condom After Sex…
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Ek Din Ek Nokrani Ko Ghar Ki Safaai Karte Waqt Condom Mila, Toh Vo Condom Malkin Ko Dikhate Hue Boli.
“Ye Kya Hai Bibi Ji?”
Malkin: “Kyun Tere Gaon Mein Log Sex Nahi Karte Hai Kya?”
Bai: “Karte To Hai Par Itne Zor Zor Se Bhi Nahi Karte Ki Khaal Hi Utar Jaye..”
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Ladki Doctor Se Boli: “Dr. Sahab Muje Abhi Maa Nahi Ban na”
Doctor: “Condom Use Kiya Karo”
Ladki Boli: “Condom Paani Ke Saath Lena Hai Ya Doodh Ke Saath”
Doctor: “Kelay Ke Saath“
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Ek Din Ek Bete Ne Apne Daddy Se Puchha: “Daddy Condom Kya Hota Hai?”
Daddy: “Chal Bhaag Mujhe Nahi Pataa”
Beta: “Tabhi To Hum 11 Bhai Behan Hai“
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Baap- 15 Saal k Bete ka School bag Check kar Raha tha.
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1 Condom Mila.
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Baap- Sharm Nahi Aati Is UMAR Me bag Me ye Rakhta hai?
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Beta- To kya is Umar Me Baap Ban Jau
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Boy Goes to a Chemist & Said: Give




Me a Condom, I'm Going to My Gf's




house for Dinner. Actually




Give Me 2 More. Her Sis is a




Bomb!! & Her Mom is Still Hot ♥ :D




During Dinner..





Girl's Father Came to Home..





Boy Lowers his Head Immediatel y





& Start Praying..





Girl: I Never Knew You are So





Religious :)





Boy: I Never Knew Your Father is a







CHEMIST!
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Aunty ne sex k baad Ladke se puchha : Oye tune Condom




kyo nahi lagaya...?




Young Boy : Oh aunty..pack pe likha tha....Do not use if the




seal is already broken.

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