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Saturday, 8 February 2014

Jokes on Lucknow.............

Lady in burqaa :" Alambagh jaaoge,bhaiyaa "
Auto guy : " Haan bilkul jaayenge ! "
Lady : " Kitta lagega ? "
Auto guy : " Che rupaye (6 bucks) lagenge '
Lady : " Paanch denge ! "
Auto guy : " Jaayiye fir."Hamne kab mana kiya hai !!

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1 angrez Delhi se Lucknow train me ja rha tha..

Uske saamne pappu baitha
tha..
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Angrez pappu se puchta hai yahan
kaun se rajya(state) ghumne wale nahi hain ..???
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Pappu:" Punjab, Hariyana, Uttar
Pradesh
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Angrez:" Kyun ye teen rajya bharat me nahi hain kya..???

Pappu:" Nahi ye khud me
mahabharat hain..

Angrez:" oh quite dangerous to go to these states..
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(Few Moments later)

Angrez:" How I will come to know
person is from which state ???
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Pappu:" Baitha raha.. abhi 9 ghante ke safar mein sabse wakif kara dunga!!!
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Thodi der baad ek Chaudhary ji mooch wale aa ke baithe...

Pappu to angrez:" Dekh bhai ye
Hariyana hai
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Angrez:" Mai baat kaise karunga
isse ??

Pappu:" Thodi der baitha reh apni
mucho pe tav de chaudhary khud
aa ke baat karega tujhse...
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Angrez ne waisa hi kiya, mucho pe tav diya...
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Chaudhary utha 2 kantaap maare
angrez ke aur bola:" Bina kheti ke hi hal chala raha hai re kutriya...
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Angrez chup !

Fir thodi der baad ek Sardar ji aaye...
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Pappu bola:" Dekh bhai ye punjabi hai..

Angrez:" Isse kaise baat karun ??

Aadmi:" Baat mat kar bas puch 12
baj gaye kya..

Angrez ne waisa hi kiya

Angrez:" O sardar ji 12 baj gaye kya ??
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Sardar ji ne aav dekha na taav utha ke patak diya angrez ko..
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Sardar to angrez:" abe tujhe mai
manmohan singh lagta hun jo
kuch bolunga nahi.. :@
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Pahle se laal tha angrez aur laal ho
gaya
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Angrez bola pappu se:" Bhai Punjab
aur Hariyana ke darshan to ho
gaye..

Uttar Pradesh ke aadmi se bhi milwa
do..
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Hahahahahahaha

Pappu Bola:" Pitwa kaun raha hai...???

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INDIA T.V.
BREAKING NEWS:
Lucknow me barf giri.
AB SAMACHAR VISTAR SE
Lucknow me 1 admi cycle pr barf
le ja ra tha,
carier dhila tha or barf gir gayi
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“Lucknow” mai 2 bachay apas mai lar rahe thy..
1st ne 2nd se kaha: dekhiye janab! Agar ap hmari bat nahi manengay to hum ap ki walida muhtarma ki shan mai gustakhana kalimat pesh karengy.

2nd: to hum ap k rukhsar mubarak pe aesa tamancha bja laengy k gaal gulab ki patti ki tarha chamaknay lagega.
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 SUHAAG RAAT KO LUCKNOW KE NAWAB NE APNI BIWI SE BOLE...........

NAWAB : IJAAZAT HAI ?

BIWI : (SHARMATE HUE) HUMNE TO KABHI GAIRO KO BHI MANA NAHIN KIYA,
          AB AAP TO PHIR BHI APNE HO............

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A lucknowi nawab meets sardar.

Nawab: Janab kya main apko ek takleef de sakta hoon?

Sardar: O kutty hath to laga,

daikh tujhy zalel kese karta hon

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Gulaab ko bhi Kamal bana dete,Uski ek ada pe kai gazal bana dete...Kambhakt marti nahi mujh par ladkiyaan,WaRNa lucknow me bhi TAJMAHAL bana dete...  
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My % star joke *****
“A Begum in Lucknow got pregnant and to every ones surprise, the kids were not borne for 4 years!!!! On consulting the doctor’s and on doing MRI scans it was found that there were twin ‘Nawab’ kids saying ‘Pehle aap’ to each other”. 

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 Lucknow ki Tawaiaf :- "Bus karein Navab sahab, subha hogai hai.. .
Nawab :- Tumhe kaise pata chala?
Tawaiaf :- Hamari aankhaon ka kajal beh gaya ha i !

Delhi ki Tawaiaf :- Bas karein jee, subha ho chali hai.
Saudagar :- Aap ko kaise pata laga ?
Tawaiaf :- Hamara Gajraa murjha gaya hai.. !

Gujarati Tawaiaf :- Bas kar Nattu subah hone wali hai
Nattu :- Tujhe kaise pata chala ?
Tawaif : - Maeko sandas lagi hai!

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Ek Gay Nawab Ne Nahate Hue Sheeshe Mein
Apne Aage Aur Piche Dekha Aur Ek Sher Arz Kiya
Kya Qayamat Hai Kya Majboori Hai,  Kya 
Qayamat Hai Kya Majboori Hai


Paas Reh Ke Bhi Kitni Doori Hai
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Lucknow ke navab saheb train se utre aur 2 coolie
 ko awaj dee .

Coolie aaye aur poocha navab saheb luggage 

kahan hai ??

Navab saheb ye le pakad meri chari (Stick)

aur main kya pakru dusre coolie ne poocha.

Navab saheb ne serious hote hue use daata 

saale mera ticket kya tera baap aake pakdega.
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Enjoy more jokes here..................... 

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