Wednesday, 8 January 2014

Alok nath Jokes.................Presenting Lungi Dance in Alok Nath version....................

Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

Enjoy! 


1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.


2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.



3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.


4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.


5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.


6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.


7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.



9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.



11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.



12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.


13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.



14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.



15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.



16 You're never too old to learn something stupid.


17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

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Presenting Lungi Dance in Alok Nath Version --

Dhoti ko thoda round ghumake,


Pandit k jaisa tika lagake,Coconut ko rassi lagake


Aa jao sare mood banake..

All the Babuji fans;dont miss the chance-


Kanya Daan,Kanya Daan,Kanya Daan,Kanya Daan


Mandir me jab ye bhajan lagega,


havan k paas aana padega,


Dhoti ko uthana padega,


Aarti krke dikhana padega..


All the Babuji fans;dont miss the chance-


Kanya Daan,Kanya Daan,Kanya Daan,Kanya Daan


Night jaagran me aya mai to,


mujhko rokega kon aur kayko


Mera mood mai Kanyadaan karega-


kisi ladki k daddy se ni darega..


Jisko aashirwad lena h le lo-idhar hi mai khada pair


pakad lo..

Mandir me jake pujari ko puchlo,


mere bare me 'Alok Nath Memes' pe padh lo..


Kanya Daan Kanya Daan Kanya Daan Kanya Daan

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 AlokNath had a fight with his father in law during his marriage.
Why?
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AlokNath: "Mere hote hue koi aur kanyadaan kaise
kar sakta hai!" 

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~ ठलुआई अनलिमिटेड ~

शिक्षक: नेपोलियन की मृत्यु किस लड़ाई में हुई?
ठलुआ : उसकी आखिरी लड़ाई में।

शिक्षक: स्वतन्त्रता की घोषणा पर कहाँ हस्ताक्षर किये गए?
ठलुआ : किताब के पृष्ठ के आखिर पे।

शिक्षक: तलाक का मुख्य कारण क्या होता है?
ठलुआ : शादी।

शिक्षक: असफल होने का मुख्य कारण क्या है?
ठलुआ : परीक्षा।

शिक्षक: आप ब्रेकफास्ट में क्या नही खा सकते?
ठलुआ : लंच और डिनर।

शिक्षक: आधे सेब की तरह क्या दिखता है?
ठलुआ : दूसरा आधा सेब।

शिक्षक: अगर आप नीले समुंद्र में लाल पत्थर फेंकेंगे तो ये कैसा हो जायेगा?
ठलुआ : यह गिला हो जायेगा।

शिक्षक: कोई आदमी आठ दिन तक बिना सोये कैसे रह सकता है?
ठलुआ : कोई समस्या नही है, वह रात को सो जायेगा।

शिक्षक: तुम एक हाथी को एक हाथ से कैसे उठा सकते हो?
ठलुआ : आपको ऐसा हाथी ही नही मिलेगा जिसका एक ही हाथ हो।

शिक्षक: अगर एक दीवार को आठ आदमी दस घंटे में बनाते है तो चार आदमी को इस दीवार को बनाने में कितना समय लगेगा?
ठलुआ : थोड़ा भी नही, क्योंकि दीवार तो पहले ही बन चुकी है।

ठलुआई जिंदाबाद !!!

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People in relationship are busy on Phone in asking
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"Baby kya khaya..."
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meanwhile single's are still Busy in
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"saali Rajaai me Hwaa Ghus khaa se rahi hai".....!!!!!

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टीचर- जल्दी बताओ

राजीव गाँधी की पत्नि का नाम क्या है?
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कुतुबमीनार कहाँ है?
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शताब्दी एक्सप्रेस की रफ्तार कितनी है?
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मुगीँ क्या देती है?
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छात्र- सोनिया गाँधी दिल्ली मेँ 140 की रफ्तार सेँ अण्डे देती है।

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 When a teenage girl smiles at a boy, he tries to decide what makes him so sexy to attract her attention.

When a young lady smiles at a man in his fifties, he turns around to see who's the handsome dude behind him.

But when a female of any age smiles at a man of 75, he looks down his pants to make sure if his fly is not open.









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