Monday, 30 December 2013

Jokes.....................Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.................



There was once an Irish actor who did Shakespearean plays, but had aged and could no longer remember his lines! After many years, he finds himself in the Halifax Theater in Canada , where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says “This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line

“Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.”

The Irish actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he was practicing his line over and over again.

Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line

“Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.”

The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

“You bloody fool!” he cried “You have ruined me!”

The Irish actor was bewildered

“What happened, did I forget my line?

"No!” screamed the director.

“You forgot the rose!"
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The Dexter Nursing Home regulations made it mandatory to have a wheel chair for patients being discharged.



Alice, the trainee nurse, found an old guy already dressed and seated on the bed with a suitcase at his feet. Alice offered help but the old man insisted he could make it on his own and didn't need help to leave the hospital.



Alice reminded him that she had to follow rules, so he reluctantly let the nurse wheel him to the elevator.



On the way down, Alice asked him if his wife was coming to meet him.



'I don't know,' said the old man. 'Guess she is still up in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
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Two old men, John and David, met at a park.



John said, "Hey, where have you been all these years?"



David replied, "I was in jail."



"What? What did you do?" asked John.



David said, "Well, I was standing at the marketplace when this pretty young thing appeared with a policeman, pointed to me and said, 'That's the guy, Officer. He's the one who raped me'."



"What? And you let her accuse you like that?" exclaimed John.



"Well, you know I felt so flattered, I had to admit to it," replied David.
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Just a thought: Nowadays, a man spends quite some time in acquiring good physique rather than good knowledge.

Reason: He knows a woman may be dumb but not blind.
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Not all men are romantic.

My girlfriend, Renee, being the romantic sort, sent me the following messages on whatsapp when I was on a business trip to the north.

When you chuckle, forward me your smile.

When you are down, forward me your tears.

When you eat, forward me a bite.

When you drink, forward me a sip.

When you are asleep, forward me your dreams.


I didn't know what to reply to these thoughts.
So I messaged back, "I am in the washroom, sitting on the pot. What should I forward to you??"
 


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