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Friday, 1 November 2013

Naughty Doses of Laughter....................110713



 

A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery.
The guy asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best.
The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead.
The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment".
The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants.
No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!".
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A blonde walked in on her husband having an affair.
She was so angry she pulled out a gun and pointed it to her head.
She was about to pull the trigger, when her husband said, "No, don't!"
and she replied, "Shut up, you're next!"
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A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th anniversary. They were talking before their dinner about how they should celebrate their big evening.
The woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband.
Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night and eat at the dinner table naked.
The woman agreed. Later that night at the table, the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago."
The man replies, "That's because they are sitting in your soup."
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In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."
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A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads...
Dear Wife,
 I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary."
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows...
Dear Husband,
 I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy. AND, you, being an accountant, will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."


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