Wednesday, 6 November 2013

Jokes.....................Bania Collection.......................111913

*BANIYA COLLECTION*


1. Baniya: Yeh banana kaise diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Baniya : 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chhilka milega.
Baniya : Le 40 paise, chilka rakh aur kela de de. 



2. Baniya on his deathbed.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife: Yes, I'm here
My sons daughters r u all here?
Yes, Papa
Baniya: To phir bahar wale kamre
ka pankha kyun chal raha hai ??? 



3. Baniya 14th floor se neeche gira
Girte waqt usne
apne ghar ki khidki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla ke bola:
MERI ROTI NAHIN PAKANA! 



4. Baniya ne Sheikh ko khoon de ke uski jaan bachai.
Sheikh ne use MERCEDES gift kar di.
Sheikh ko phir khoon ki zaroorat padi,
Baniya ne phir khoon diya.
Ab ki baar Sheikh ne till wale laddu gift kiye,
Baniya : (Gusse se): Mercedes kyun nahin di?
Sheikh: Munna!!! Ab hamare andar bhi Baniya ka khoon daud raha hai:) 



5. Baniya called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Chacha mar gaya hai,
obituary ke kya
charges honge?
Newspaper: Rs.50 per word.
Baniya : Oh bahut zyaada hain, Achha likho "Chacha Guzar Gaye"
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Baniya : Oh ho! Zara sochne do..... Achha likho....... ......... .
Chacha Guzar Gaye - Maruti for Sale .. 



6. Baniya asks a Taxi Driver: CP wale gurudware jayega kya?
Taxi Driver: Haan ji jaoonga.
Baniya ne jeb se lunchbox nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ka khana lete aana. 



7. Baniya ko bhoot chadh gaya ,
3 din baad bhoot khud ek ojha ke paas gaya aur bola,
Ojha sahab mujhe bahar nikalo..! Warna main to bhookha hi mar jaoonga



8. Titanic Ke Saath Baniya Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Rahva Tha
Dost: Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Baniya: Shukar Hai Maine Return Ticket Nahin Khareeda.

33 comments:

  1. Bania market jata hai underwear purchase karne.

    Bania: Yeh kitne ka hai?

    Shopkeeper: Rs 500.

    Kanjoos Bania: Arey bhai daily wear dikhaao, party wear nahi

    ReplyDelete
  2. Baniya aur Made in India

    Baniya ghadi kharidne jata hai.
    Dukandar: Bolo kya dikhau?
    Baniya: Ek badhiya si ghadi dikhao.
    Dukandar: Yeh dekho. Sabse badhiya ghadi. Swiss made....20000 Rs. only.
    Baniya: Mehengi hai.
    Dukandar: Yeh dekho. Made in USA. 10000 Rs. Ek dum mast maal hai.
    Baniya: Nahin. Yeh bhi bahut mehengi hai.
    Dukandar: Yeh dekho. Made in India. Sirf 2000 Rs.
    Baniya: Aur sasti nahin hai kya?
    Dukandar: Hain na. Aap jara idhar aajao. Yeh hamara special section hai...made in china. Kaphi variety milegi aap ko.
    Baniya: Woh wali dikhao. 300 Rs. wali.
    Dukandar: Yeh... lekin yeh ghadi 2 ghanta aage chalti hai.
    Baniya: Aur woh wali dikhao....200 Rs likha hai woh. Sasti lag rahi hai.
    Dukandar: Sasti to hai, magar 2 ghanta pichhe chalti hai woh.
    Baniya: Aisi koi ghadi dikhao jo 'time' theekse dikhati ho aur sasti bhi ho.
    Dukandar: Yeh le lo. Sirf 100 Rs.
    Baniya: Yeh to time theek dikha rahi hai. Phir bhi 100 Rs.?
    Dukandar: Jee haan. Time to theek dikhati hai. Lekin iski warranty sirf 30 minute hai. Dukan se aap ke ghar tak. Iske upar ek offer bhi hai. Ek deen se upar chal payi to pure paise wapas. To kya kehte ho.....pack kar du?
    Baniya: Made in India hi theek hai!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. When bania become Santa Claus

    Q: Did you hear about a 'Bania' who become Santa Claus?
    A: He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says,"Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bania's gift

    What did the bania give his wife for her birthday?
    Ans: Nothing!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bania ka driving lesson

    Bania apne ladke ko gadi chalana sikha raha tha.
    Bania: Dekho bete, ek cheej hamesha yaad rakhna, agar tumhari gadi kisise takrane wali hai to break dabao. Agar break dabane ka samay nahin hai to dhyan rakho ki gadi aisi cheej se takrao jo ekdum 'sasti' ho!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Greatest moneysaver

    Who is the greatest money saver?
    A poor man saves money for the next day.
    A middle class fellow saves the money for the next month.
    A good financial planner saves the money for the next year.
    Whereas a baniya saves the money for the next birth!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Baniya ka ladka aur dentist

    Baniya ka ladka: Papa papa, maine aaj paise bachaye.
    Baniya (khush hokar): Wah beta wah, magar kaise bachaye?
    Ladka: Mein dentist ke paas gaya tha daant nikalne. Dentist ne kaha ki 500 Rs fees hai...phir tum ek daant nikalo ya do daant. Phir maine sabhi nikal diye!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Bania's garden

    Why did the bania plant 50 paise in his garden?
    Ans: He wanted to raise some hard cash.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Bania aur taxiwala

    Bania ek taxiwale ko rok leta hai.
    Bania: Mandir tak jaoge kya?
    Taxiwala: Haan, kyon nahin.
    Bania: To mere liye thoda 'prashad' leke aana!

    ReplyDelete
  10. The best way to save money

    Bania's Son: What is the best way to save money?

    Bania: The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Baniya aur chanda

    Ek baniya ke darwaje ke bahar board par likha tha:

    Agar kuch kaam hai to bell dabao. Agar chanda maangne aaye ho to mei gaon gaya hoon.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Baniya aur tala

    Baniya ke darwaje ka tala kharab hogaya. Tala lene ke paise bachane ke liye usne kya kiya?

    Darwaje par likha: Chori karne ki jaroorat nahin. Andar kuch bhi nahin hai.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Bania aur mithai

    Bania ke ghar mein bachcha paida hota hai. Padosi mithai maangne aate hai.

    Padosi: Yeh to badi khushi ki baat hai. Kuch pedhe mithai khilao.

    Bania: Kya aap ko khushi hui?

    Padosi: Haan haan, badi khushi hui. Hum sab to khushi se jhum uthe hai.

    Bania: To mithai kisne khilani chahiye?! Bolo bolo!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Baniye ka 1 rupya balconi se gir gaya.

    Baniya niche pahuncha to rupya nahi mila?
    Batao kyu ?

    kyuki Baniya rupye se pehle niche pahunch gaya tha.:-

    ReplyDelete
  15. Bania's Son: Papaji bahar Swimming pool k liye chanda mang rahe he..

    Kanjoos Bania: Koi baat nahi Beta, Ek lota paani de de.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Sardar to Bania friend: Main apna purse
    ghar bhool aaya, mujhe 1000 Rs chahiye.

    Funny Kanjoos Bania: Dost hi to dost ke kam aata hai. Yeh lo Rs.10 . Riksha karle ghar jao aur apna purse le aao.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Teacher: Agar dharti pe pani na hota to kya hona tha.

    Bania ka beta: Hum to kangaal ho jate. Mera bapu milk me kya milata?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anath Ashram Manager to Bania:
    Sethji, aap hamare anath ashram ke liye kya kar sakte ho ?

    Funny Bania: Mein anath ashram mein apne 4 bachhe bhej sakta hu.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Train mein ik mosquito Chinese ke sir pe aa baitha. Vo us ko pakar ke kha gaya.

    Fir ik matchar Bania pe baitha. Us ne pakar ke Chinese ko poocha “khareedoge kya !!!”

    ReplyDelete
  20. Teacher: Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hain. 10% interest ke hisab se voh 1 saal bad loan vapis karte hain. Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?

    Bania's son: Kutch bhi nahi.

    Teacher: Tum maths nahi jante.

    Banis's funny son: Me to maths janta hu, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Bania's son: Daddy meri dur ki nazar kharab hai SPECKS bana do.

    Kanjoos Bania took him outside & said: Voh dekh kya hai?

    Son: Moon

    Kanjoos Bania: Abbe ullu ke patthe, tu chand ke bi aage dekhna chahe hai...

    ReplyDelete
  22. Baniya at Petrol Pump: "5 RupaiyeKa petrol daal do."Pumpwala (gusse me): "Itna sara dalwa ke kahaan jana hai?"Baniya: "Jaana kahi nahi hai pagle,Hum to aise hee paise udaate hai" =))

    ReplyDelete
  23. Baniya Girl: Aj dady ne muje tumhare sath bike pe dekh liya

    Boy: Shit! fir kya bole?

    baniya Girl: Bus ki ticket k paise wapas le liye!!! Bohot strict hai wo

    ReplyDelete
  24. A baniya boy on date with his girlfriend.
    On coming back home.
    His dad: kitne paise kharche?
    baniya: 500Rs.
    Dad: Oh my god 500?
    baniya: ''Haan wo itne hi leke aayi thi."

    ReplyDelete
  25. Baniye ki Girlfriend :- Kal tujhe kitne call kiye, lekin tune phone nahi uthaya.

    Baniya :- Kyu uthaau, 30Rs. deke jo gana lagwaya wo kya tera baap sunega ??

    ReplyDelete
  26. BANIYA: I saw my wife going to a movie with a strange man. FRIEND: did you follow them inside?. BANIYA: No yaar! i had already seen that moviee... heheheheeee

    ReplyDelete
  27. Titanic Ke Sath Baniya Bhi Doob Raha Tha Aur Jor Jor Hass Bhi Raha Tha. Pandit popat ne poocha: Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai? Baniya bola: Shukar Hai Maine Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda . . . hahahahaaaaa

    ReplyDelete
  28. Baniye ki wife bimaar thi, light na hone ki wajah se usne mombatti jala di …Baahar jaate hue bola: Doc ko lene jaa raha hun, agar tumhe lage ki tum nahin bachogi to mombatti bujha dena.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Baniya's BOY :- master ji mei apke liye dhoodh laya hu. -MASTER JI Doodh pee kar bole :- Bohot sawaad hai, kaha se layay..? -Baniya's BOY :- Ghar mei para tha, Billi mooh maar gayi thi, is liye apke liye le aya. --:: MASTER JI ne khaali dabba udha kar fenk diya. -BOY SAID :- Daba mat fenko master ji.. subah Jungle Paani bhi jana hota hai.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Baniya 14th floor se neche gira, Girte waqt usne apni ghar ki khirki me se apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha to chilla k bola, MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANAAAAAAA

    ReplyDelete
  31. [BANIYA]- doctor saab, 2 saal pehle mujhe fever huya tha. [DOCTOR]- toh ab kya hua. [BANIYA]- hua toh kuch nahi, but apne nahane ko mana kiya tha, AB NAHA LU KYA ?

    ReplyDelete
  32. Sardar: I am so kanjoos that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
    Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.

    ReplyDelete