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Monday, 9 September 2013

Jokes.....................मेरी मोहब्बत को अपने दिल में ढूंढ लेना.......................96013

TELEPHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN LADIES

Mary: Hello Love!
Sarah: Hello babe - how are u today?
Mary: Am fine dear, I've missed u a lot.
Sarah: And me too
Mary: I am calling just to inform you that I will pay you a visit this afternoon.
Sarah: Ok my dear; it will be a great pleasure to have you. I will be expecting you sweet.

*AFTER DROPPING THE CALL
Mary: Am going to visit that dirty girl again.
Sarah: This witch is coming here again, she thinks I will buy her drinks with my money again, she must be joking.

TELEPHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN BOYS
John: Bastard, how far?
Francis: Mad man, I dey? How ur drunk father?
John: My Papa dey! Ur gbegbe mama nko?
Francis: You are a fool. How far, U dey house? I dey come charge phone. John: Ok! No wahala, bring money come make we drink beer.
Francis: Idiot like U. Later now!

*AFTER DROPPING THE CALL
John: That Francis can be funny at times but always great companion anytime.
Francis: John is just a reliable friend.

LESSON: Girls are always nice to each other but they never like themselves. Boys are always mean and rude but they always have the love in their mind.
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Laveen apni gf k ghar dinner par gaya,uska stomach
kharab tha us din.puri family dining tabel par aa k
baith gayi,gf ne puri family se Laveen ko introduced
karaya aur table par shaandar dinner rakha dekh
Laveen k muh mein pani aa gaya.
GF's father:- hello beta neel,how are you?
Laveen:- m good uncle,aap sab kaise hai? Aap logo
ne mera itna khayal rakha aur itna warm welcome
kiya iske liye thanks a ton.
Achanak Laveen k stomach mein gud-gud shuru ho
gayi and he Farted "Poooooooo...."
Saare logo ne Laveen ki taraf dekha Aur uske baad
Laveen k paas baithe huye GF k dog Tommy ki taraf
dekha.
GF's father:- "Tommy...ye kya hai?? Chalo bhago
yaha se."
Tommy wahi baitha raha.
Laveen ne socha chalo achchha hua kisi ko pata nahi
chala aur ilzam Tommy pe lag gaya.
2 min baad again laveen "poooooo...."
Gf's gusse mein:- Tommy... Get out,bhago yaha
se...
Laveen fir se bahut khush hua.
Gf:- sorry Laveen, ye kutta bhi na...Tommy bhago
chalo jao,hato Laveen k paas se..
Thodi der baad fir se Laveen k stomach ne saath
chhod diya aur ab ki baar ka poooo kuchh zyada
hi tez aawaz se nikla... "POOOOOONNNNNN......"
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GF's father:- abe saale Tommy jab wo ladka tere
upar hug dega tab bhagega kya waha se..."
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मेरी मोहब्बत को अपने दिल में ढूंढ लेना,
और हां आटे को अच्छी तरह गूंध लेना।
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मिल जाए अगर प्यार तो खोना नहीं,
प्याज काटते वक्त बिलकुल रोना नहीं।
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मुझसे रूठ जाने का बहाना अच्छा है ,
थोड़ी देर और पकाओ आलू अभी कच्चा है।
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मिलकर फिर खुशिओं को बाटना है,
टमाटर जरा बारीक ही काटना है।
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लोग हमारी मोहब्बत से जल न जाएं
चावल टाइम पे देख लेना कहीं जल न जाएं
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कैसी लगी गजल बता देता,
नमक कम लगे तो और मिला लेना.....
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A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day.

The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?"

He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"

The girl replies, "I want you to communicate," and he says to her, "that word is too big. I have no idea what it means."

The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
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स्कूल: ये गलियां ये चौबारा, यहां आना न दोबारा...

ट्यूशन: इधर चला, मैं उधर चला...

मैथ्स: अजीब दासता हैं ये, कहां शुरू कहां खतम...

साइंस: आ खुशी से खुदकुशी कर ले...

जिऑग्रफी: मुसाफिर हूं यारो, न घर है न ठिकाना...

इकोनॉमिक्स: क्यों पैसा-पैसा करती है, तू पैसे पे क्यों मरती है...

एग्जाम: जिया धड़क-धड़क जाए...

पास: आज मैं ऊपर... आसमां नीचे...

फेल: जग सूना-सूना लागे...
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Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds.
I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late."

His friend looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach.

I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say 'WHO'S IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE????!!!' and she acts like she's sound asleep!
Works every time!"
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नए जमाने की शादियां-

पंडित: क्या आप दोनों अपना फेसबुक स्टेटस सिंगल से मैरिड में बदलने को तैयार हैं?
लड़का: हां!
लड़की: हां!

पंडित : मुबारक हो आपकी प्रोफाइल सक्सेफुली अपडेट कर दी गई है आज से आप दोनों पति पत्नी हुए आप आपनी शादी की फोटो फेसबुक पर अपलोड कर सकते है
मुझे टैग करना मत भूलियेगा
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Amazing-hairstyles......................... 
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  For your eyes only !!!

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