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Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Mulla Nasiruddin....................More jokes...............89113

1. A rich farmer had been trying desperately to marry off his daughters. One day he met Mulla Nasrudin. “I have several daughters,” the farmer told the Mulla. “I would like to see them comfortably fixed. And I will say this, they won’t go to their husbands without a little bit in the bank, either. The youngest one is twenty-three and she will take Rupees 25,000 with her. The next one is thirty-two, and she will take Rupees 50,000 with her. Another is forty-three and she will take Rupees 75,000 with her.” “That’s interesting,” said Nasrudin. “I was just wondering if you have one about fifty years old.”

2. Mulla Nasrudin was visited by a boyhood friend whom he had not seen for years. The man told him a long story of misfortune: bankruptcy, death of wife and children, personal illness. He ended by asking for a loan. The Mulla called his son and a big, athletic-type walked in. “Adbul,” said Mullah , “THROW THIS POOR FELLOW DOWNSTAIRS; HE IS BREAKING MY HEART.”

3. Mulla Nasrudin, carrying a chair, walked up to the owner of a secondhand store and asked how much it was worth. “3 Afghani,” said the secondhand dealer. The Mulla seemed surprised. “Isn’t it worth more than that?” he said. “3 Afghani is the limit,” the owner said. “See that? Where the leg is split? And look here where the paint is peeling.” “OKAY THEN,” said Nasrudin. “I SAW IT IN FRONT OF YOUR STORE MARKED 10 Afghani, BUT I THOUGHT THERE MUST BE A MISTAKE. FOR 3 Afghani I WILL TAKE IT.”

4. “I am going to get a divorce,” a friend told Mulla Nasrudin. “My wife has not spoken to me in three months.”"I’D THINK TWICE IF I WERE YOU,” said the Mulla. “WIVES LIKE THAT ARE HARD TO FIND

5. Mulla Nasrudin was stabbed by burglars. But before dying he wrote a note to his wife from the hospital. The last paragraph of it read: “I have been very fortunate because only the day before I had put all of my money and negotiable bonds in my safety deposit box at the bank, SO THAT I AM LOSING PRACTICALLY NOTHING BUT MY LIFE.

6. The bus was crowded when the little old lady got on, and Mulla Nasrudin stood up. She pushed the Mulla back gently and said, “No, thanks.” Nasrudin tried to rise again and she pushed him back a second time. Finally, Nasrudin said to her, “PLEASE LET ME GET UP, LADY, I AM TWO BLOCKS PAST MY STOP NOW.”

7. Mulla Nasrudin was sitting under a tree chatting with a neighbour, when his boy came up the road carrying a chicken. “Where did you get that chicken?” Nasrudin asked his boy. “Stole it,” said the boy. Mulla Nasrudin turned to his friend and said proudly, “THIS IS MY BOY. HE MAY STEAL, BUT HE WON’T LIE.”

8. Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends were lying on the green grass beside a country road. Above them was the warm sun. Birds were singing in the trees. It was quiet, restful, and a peaceful scene. “Boy,” said the Mulla, “right now I would not change places with anybody not for a million .” “How about five million, Mulla?” asked his friend. “No, not even for five million,” said the Mulla. “Well,” said the other, “how about one Afghani?” Mulla Nasrudin sat up. “WELL,” he said, “THAT’S DIFFERENT. NOW YOU ARE TALKING REAL MONEY.”

9. Mulla Nasrudin stopped the doctor on the street one summer day. “You remember when you cured my rheumatism ten years ago, Doctor,” asked the Mulla, “and told me not to get wet?” “Y-e-s, Yes, I remember,” said the doctor. “WELL, I JUST WONDERED IF YOU THINK IT’S SAFE FOR ME TO TAKE A BATH YET,” said Nasrudin.

10. The clerk was waiting on a customer, Mulla Nasrudin, at the meat counter, when a woman pushed herself ahead of the Mulla and said, “Give me a pound Or cat food, quick, I am in a hurry.” Then she turned to the Mulla and said, I hope you don’t mind my being waited on ahead of you.” “NOT IF YOU ARE THAT HUNGRY QANDOLAK,” said Nasrudin.

11. The parents-teachers association meeting was becoming rather spirited as the question of male versus female teachers was being discussed. One large and noisy woman said. “Where would man be if it were not for women?” “IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN EATING WATERMELON AND TAKING IT EASY,” shouted Mulla Nasrudin from the back.

12. Mulla Nasrudin sitting in a bar said to a man next to him , “one drink always makes me drunk.”"Really?” asked the stranger, “only one?” “YES,” said the Mulla. “AND IT’S USUALLY THE SIXTH.

13. All the seats in the doctor’s waiting room was taken. Several people were standing. There was no word from the doctor. Finally, Mulla Nasrudin stood up wearily and said, “WELL, I GUESS I WILL JUST GO HOME AND DIE NATURAL DEATH.”

14. Mulla Nasrudin and his neighbour were greeting each other. “Good morning,” said the Mulla. “You are looking fine this morning.” “I am sorry I can’t say the same thing for you,” said the neighbour. “YOU COULD,” said Nasrudin, “IF YOU WERE AS BIG A LIAR AS I AM.

15. Invited to stop for a drink with his friends following the lodge meeting, Mulla Nasrudin said he had to hurry home. “I can’t stop,” he said, “I have got to go home and explain to my wife.”"Explain what?” one of his friends asked. “I DON’T KNOW,” said Nasrudin, “I AM NOT HOME YET.”

16. Mulla Nasrudin was talking with his neighbour over the back fence. “Was not that something,” said the neighbour, “the way Lucy’s stove exploded last night? The explosion blew her and her husband right out of the front door into the street! “”YES, ” said the Mulla. “THAT’S THE FIRST TIME THEY HAVE GONE OUT TOGETHER IN THIRTY YEARS.”

17. “This book,” said the salesman, “will do half your work.” “FINE,” said Mulla Nasrudin. “I WILL TAKE TWO OF THEM.”

18. Mulla Nasrudin used to say: “IF YOU WANT YOUR WIFE TO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, WHISPER IT TO ANOTHER WOMAN IN A LOW VOICE.”

19. A policeman stopped drunk Mulla Nasrudin and said to him, “Do you know who I am?” “I CAN’T SAY THAT I DO,” said Nasrudin, “BUT IF YOU WILL TELL ME WHERE YOU LIVE, I WILL HELP YOU HOME.

20. The young man had kissed his Fiance, Mullah Nasrudin’s daughter, goodnight about a dozen times. They just could not seem to say goodnight. Finally he said, “Love is wonderful. Darling, do we really have to say goodnight?” Mulla Nasrudin’s voice came from deep within the house, “CERTAINLY NOT. STICK AROUND ANOTHER HALF HOUR AND YOU CAN SAY GOOD MORNING.”.

21. The two burglars worked as a team. One stayed outside as a lookout, while the other robbed the house. One night, when the inside man returned, his buddy said, “How much did you get?” “Nothing,” the other said. “This is the house of Mulla Nasrudin.” “khair!” said his buddy. “THEN HOW MUCH DID YOU LOSE?”

22. It seemed that every time Mulla Nasrudin met his lawyer, he had some added legal fees. It worried the Mulla to the point of ulcers. Then one day, he met his lawyer in the post office and said, “NICE DAY, ISN’T IT? AND REMEMBER, I AM TELLING YOU, NOT ASKING YOU, SIR.”

23. Mulla Nasrudin kept begging the noted pianist to play. “Well, all right, since you insist,” he said. “What shall I play?” “ANYTHING YOU LIKE,” said Nasrudin. “IT’S ONLY TO ANNOY THE NEIGHBOURS.

24. Mulla Nasrudin’s wife used to give the Mulla a regular inspection every night when he came home. Every hair she discovered on his coat would be cause for a terrible scene. One evening, when she didn’t find a single hair, she screamed at him, “NOW YOU ARE EVEN RUNNING AFTER BALD-HEADED WOMEN.”

25. “It certainly is hard,” said the sad individual “to love one’s relatives.” “HARD? ” said Nasrudin. “HARD? IT IS PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE!”

26. Mulla Nasrudin, the landlord of a rather rundown rooming house, had led a prospective tenant to a third-floor room with badly spotted wall paper. Nasrudin: “The last man who lived in this room was an inventor he invented some sort of explosive.” Prospect: “Oh, these spots on the walls are chemicals?” Nasrudin: “NO, THE INVENTOR.”

27. Mulla Nasrudin always said: “Oh, well, it might have been worse.” One day an acquaintance stopped him and said, “I dreamed last night that I died, went to hell, and was doomed to everlasting torment.” “Oh, well,” said Nasrudin, “it might have been worse.” “What do you mean, Mulla!” cried the man. “How could it have been worse?” “IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN TRUE,” said Nasrudin.

28. “You have got to have more recreation and relaxation,” said Mulla Nasrudin to the overworked friend. “But I am too busy,” said the friend. “THAT’S SILLY,” replied Nasrudin. “ANTS HAVE THE GREATEST REPUTATION FOR BEING BUSY ALL THE TIME, YET THEY NEVER MISS AN OPPORTUNITY TO ATTEND A PICNIC.”

29. How old are you a man asked, Molla? Forty he replied. But you said that two years ago when I asked.That’s right. I always stand by my word!

30. A young lady went to old Mulla Nasrudin for advice. She said to the Mulla: “Should I marry a fellow who lies to me?” “YES, UNLESS YOU WANT TO REMAIN UNMARRIED FOREVER,” said Nasrudin.

31. “Stand up,” shouted the preacher, “if you want to go to heaven.” Everybody stood up but old Mulla Nasrudin. “Don’t you want to go to heaven, brother?” asked the preacher. “YES, SIR,” said Nasrudin, “BUT I AIN’T GOING WITH NO EXCURSION.”

32. A man went to the funeral of Mulla Nasrudin’s wife. In the funeral home, the Mulla was standing at the end of the casket. The man looked at his friend’s dead wife and said, “Does she not look wonderful!” “WHY NOT? ” asked Nasrudin. “SHE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL ALL WINTER! “

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