Monday, 8 July 2013

Jokes........................As the waitress entered the bar..........................72613

Jawaharlal Nehru proved that a rich man could become the country’s
Prime Minister,

Lal Bahadur Shastri proved that a poor man could become the Prime Minister,

Indira Gandhi proved that a woman could become the Prime Minister,

Morarji Desai proved that an old man could become the Prime Minister,

Rajiv Gandhi proved that a young man could become the Prime Minister,

Deve Gowda proved just about anybody could become the Prime Minister,

I.K. Gujral proved that a gentleman could become the Prime Minister,

Manmohan Singh has proved that India does not need a Prime Minister.
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एक मासूम हिमालय की तराई में भेड़े चरा रहा था तभी वहा से २
टूरिस्ट निकले और लड़के से पुचा
टूरिस्ट-ये भेड़े कितना दूध देती है??
लड़का-कोनसी सफ़ेद वाली या काली वाली??
टूरिस्ट-सफ़ेद वाली.
लड़का-३ लीटर
टूरिस्ट- और काली वाली??
लड़का-ये भी ३ लीटर देती है
टूरिस्ट-ये उन कितना देती है
लड़का-कोनसी सफ़ेद वाली या काली वाली??
टूरिस्ट-सफ़ेद वाली.
लड़का-५ किलो
टूरिस्ट -और काली वाली??
लड़का-वो भी ५ किलो
टूरिस्ट-अबे साले जब ये दूध बराबर देती है ,उन बराबर देती है
तो फिर ये काली भेड़ ,सफ़ेद भेड़ क्या लगा रखा है??
लड़का-जी वो बात ये है की ये सफ़ेद भेड़ मेरे पिताजी की है
टूरिस्ट-और ये काली भेड़??
लड़का-ये भी मेरे पिताजी की ह
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The Dennis community orchestra in Ohio was beleaguered by attendance problems. There were many musicians who remained absent at rehearsals. All players in the orchestra had missed several rehearsals, except for one sincere violin player.

Finally, as the dress rehearsal came to a close, the conductor took a moment to thank Jack, the violinist for his faithful attendance. Jack, humbly responded "It's the least I could do, since I won't be at the final performance."
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On his way home, Bob is taking a shortcut through a graveyard in the middle of the night, when he is alarmed by a continuous tapping sound. As Bob moves closer to the source of the sound, he finds a man sitting by a grave and tapping at a headstone.

Bob notices that the man was adding the letter 'r' at the end of the name that was carved in the stone.

Tom says to the man, "A little late for work like that, isn't it?"

"Right", says the man. "But I don't like it when someone spells my name wrong."
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The Evolution of an Arithmetic Problem

1950:
A lumberjack sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of this price. What is the profit?

1960 (traditional math):
A lumberjack sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of this price, or in other words $80. What is his profit?

1970 (new math):
A lumberjack exchanges a set L of lumber for a set M of money. The cardinality of set M is 100, and each element is worth $1. Make 100 dots representing the elements of set M. The set C is a subset of set M, of cardinality 80. What is the cardinality of the set P of profits, if P is the difference set MC?

1980 (equal opportunity math):
A lumberjack sells a truckload of wood for $100. His or her cost of production is $80, and his or her profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

1990 (outcome based education):
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, a lumber person makes $20. What do you think of his way of making a living? In your group, discuss how the forest birds and squirrels feel, and write an essay about it.

1995 (entrepreneurial math):
By laying off 402 of its lumberjacks, a company improves its stock price from $80 to $100. How much capital gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his stock options at $80? Assume capital gains are no longer taxed, because this encourages investment.

1998 (motivational math):
A logging company exports its wood-finishing jobs to its Indonesian subsidiary and lays off the corresponding half of its US workers (the higher-paid half). It clear-cuts 95% of the forest, leaving the rest for the spotted owl, and lays off all its remaining US workers. It tells the workers that the spotted owl is responsible for the absence of fell-able trees and lobbies Congress for exemption from the Endangered Species Act. Congress instead exempts the company from all federal regulation. What is the ROI (return on investment) of the lobbying?

The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".
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As the waitress entered the bar, the bartender demanded, "Why are you late?"

The waitress explained,"It was terrible. I was crossing the road, when I witnessed a dreadful accident. A guy was hit by a speeding car and he was lying there on the street, with his hands and skull fractured. he was a bloody mess. Thank God I had taken that first-aid course."

The bartender asked, "How did you handle it?"

She replied, "I sat on the ground and put my head between my knees so I would not faint!"
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Dean was out with his car in search of a petrol pump. He saw a pump on the corner of a highway. There was a big board inviting customers: “Come one, come all, special scheme for a tank full of petrol.” 

So Dean drove in and asked the attendant about the scheme and was directed to the manager. The manager said: “See mate, it is like this. You get your tank filled up full and bring the slip to me here in this cabin. I will guess one number between One and seven in my mind. All you have to do is to guess the correct number that is in my mind and if it matches, you go in the back cabin over there and you get free s*x.”

Dean got excited, ran back to his car, got his tank full and returned back to the manager with his slip. "All right” the manager said “I have decided a number between one and seven in my mind, make your guess.” 

Dean said: “Seven.”

The manager said: “Oh sir, you were so close. The number was six. Dean was disappointed but not dejected. He gave another shot after a few days with the same result: “My god, your guess was close enough but not right. I am sorry sir, but no free s*x for you.”

Next day, Dean narrated the story to his friend, Martin over a drink and said: “Marty, the manager is a cheat. If he guessed seven and I say seven, what stops him from saying it was six? He can change the number in his mind anytime he wants to. It’s a scam, I tell you, that's what it is.”

Martin: “Hey wait Dean, that manager is no cheat and there is no scam, I assure you.’

Dean: “How can you be so sure?”

Martin: “My wife went there twice last week and won both times.”
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Aron goes to see his supervisor in the front office.

"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Aron" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Aron, "I knew I could count on you!"


KAMASUTRA video.. SHERLYN CHOPRA as lead role............. 

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