Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Joke.................................ENT vs gyne!......................81613



This is a short story written by a gynecologist and a very gifted writer….enjoy
this extremely funny story ~


My wife is an ENT Surgeon while I am a
Gynecologist. This can lead to some
complications, as I recently learned to
my anguish. A General
Practitioner called me up and told me
that she is sending a patient of hers for
an abortion. Unknown to me, she had
also referred a female with ear wax for
removal of the wax to my wife.
I duly informed the receptionist to
send the patient right in as she was
expected (and expecting!) As Murphy
lays down the laws of our hospital, it
was but natural that the patient who
wanted the wax removed from her
ear, landed up with me. This is the
conversation that I had with the
patient.
"Please come in. Be seated." I said with
a big smile. I always have a big
smile...when I am going to earn some
money. The patient gave a feeble smile
and sat hesitantly on the edge of the
chair.
"Relax !"
"Doctor, will this hurt a lot?"
"Not at all."
The patient relaxed visibly.
"You know something, Doctor, we tried
removing it at home, but failed!!"
I was shocked.
"Thank God. Trying this at home can
cause serious complications."
"I first tried to remove it by jumping up
and down, but it just wouldn't budge."
I smiled and said, "If it were that easy,
who would need doctors?"
She gave a cute smile and said,"Yeah!
My neighbour tried to remove it with
his finger..but the hole is so small that
he used a hair pin."
"Oh my God!"
"Yes! My mother even tried a
match stick!!"
My blood pressure was shooting
skywards. I just sputtered without
uttering a word.
"Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid
getting this dirt inside me?"
I knew that it was an unwanted
pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too
much. I replied a bit angrily, "There are
tablets which can prevent this
happening. Or you could use
protection at night."
Now it was the patient's turn to be
confused, "You mean to say that it
happens only at night?"
I saw her point. "No! No! I meant
anytime of the day, whenever you are
in the mood, you should use
protection."
She was even more confused, "It
depends on my moods?"
Again I saw her point. "My mistake. You
need not be in any sort of mood. It
just happens."
"My neighbour advised me to go to
one of those chaps who sit by the
roadside!!"
"You mean that pin man?" it was
shocking!!
"Yeah!"
This neighbour of hers seemed to be a
very dangerous man. Besides using
pins, he was sending her to such
quacks. The only safety he knew was
among the pins.
"You were wise not to heed his
advice."
"But I tried his other advice. He told
me to put warm oil inside and wait.
However, that also did not work."
This was getting more and more
bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be
locked up either in a padded cell or a
barred one. "But have you taken your
husband's permission?"
Now the patient looked confused. "Do
I have to take my husband's
permission? Because if you need his
sign, he is working in Dubai. We were
not able to meet for the last one year."
It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a
sly smirk. It was one of 'those' cases.
The pin-wielding neighbor seemed to
me the usual suspect. I reassured her.
"No! No! The husband's sign is not at
all needed."
"However, I did inform him on phone."
Her husband seemed to me a very
broad-minded fellow. I didn't know
whether to congratulate her or to
commiserate with her. So I hastily
turned to other aspects."Its good that
you came a bit early."
"Actually I wanted to come early in the
morning, but I had some other work."
"Oh! I did not mean early today. I
meant that if you had delayed this
removal, it would have started moving.
Then it would have developed a
heartbeat!!!"
The patient was staring at me wide
eyed as if watching a horror movie.
Looking at her face, I decided that she
was not fit to listen to the grotesque
details.
I decided to relieve her a bit. I said,
"You will bleed a bit, but only for a few
days."
By now,the poor patient was
trembling,
"how-H-How much bleeding!!??"
"Ohh, only slightly more than your
menstrual period, and it will continue
only for a week or so!!"
By now the patient was clutching her
hair in her fingers and staring at me
wide-eyed.
I asked her soothingly, "Why don't you
lie down on the examination table?
Remove ur clothes & relax!!"
This was the final straw. She didn't
even wish me goodbye. I saw just a
blur of motion leaving my consulting
room at top speed...!!!

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