Friday, 10 May 2013

Jokes......................It also helps you to change your wife..............51713

भुल्ल्कड़~~ प्रितेश पाठक "यावर"

मेरे साथ ये मुसीबत हैं,
मुझे भूलने की आदत हैं|

एक दिन...
नहाकर निकला, बड़े मूड में गुनगुना रहा था,
अखबार उठाया और वो गाना भूल गया|

फिर एक दिन...
दूध वाले को पैसे देने थे, कही भूल न जाऊ सोचकर,
५०० का नोट जेब से निकाला, कही रखकर भूल गया|

कुछ दिन बाद...
एक शाम "मोपासा" पढ़ने का मन किया, चाय बनाकर छत पर ले गया,
कहानी पढते पढते पहली चुस्की ली, पता चला शक्कर भूल गया|

फीकी चाय की चुस्की में,
ज़ायके की तो बात न रही,
पर उस शाम गाना याद आया,
"दिल ढूंडता हैं फिर वही..."
"मोपासा" की कहानी में भी,
फिर दिलचस्प एक मोड आया,
मैंने व्याकुल होकर पन्ना पलटा,
तो ५०० का एक नोट आया,
अफ़सोस फीकी चाय का भी,
तब जताना फ़िज़ूल गया,
एक चुस्की जब मीठी लगी, तो याद आया,
शक्कर डाली तो थी, पर हिलाना भूल गया|

कहता हू न...
मेरे साथ ये मुसीबत हैं,
मुझे भूलने की आदत हैं|  
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Marriage Counseling

A husband and wife came for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unloveable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth.

The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down;. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?"

...


The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, Doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other days I play golf."
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The pickle slicer

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for many years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't!" she exclaimed.
"Yes, I did," he replied.
"My God, Bill, what happened?" she asked.
"I got fired," he replied.
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" she demanded.

...

"Oh... she got fired too."
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Film Kaho Naa Pyaar Ki Shooting Chal Rahi Thi Aur Hritik Ko Ek Problem Ho Gayi

Woh Jab Bhi Tatti Karta Toh Noodles Ki Shape Mein Aati Thi

Hritik Bada Preshan Tha Is Baat Se

Woh Ek Piles Ke Doctor Ke Paas Gaya Aur Apni Problem Batayi

Doctor Ne Sab Test Kiye Lekin Tests Mein Bhi Kuch Nahi Aaya

Doctor Ko Bhi Ye Bimari Samajh Mein Nahi Aayi

Toh Doctor Ne Haar Ke Hritik Ko Apne Samne Tatti Karne Ke Liye Kaha

Tatti Karne Ke Baad Jab Hritik Bahar Aaya Toh

Doctor Ne Use Keench Ke Thapad Maara Aur Kaha

“Bhotni Ke Hagte Waqt Teri Jaali Wali Baniyan Tera Baap Upar Karega“
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A Wee Scottish Tale

A golfer is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn
on the St Andrews course in Scotland.

A groundskeeper shouts: 'Dinnae drink tha waater!
Et's foo ae coo's shite an pish!'

The golfer replies: 'My Good fellow, I'm from England.
Could you repeat that for me, in English!?'

The keeper replies: 'I said, use two hands - you'll spill less that way!
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Breaking news:
Ek bacche ne Idea cellular ki advertisement dekh kar apne parents ka mobile
inter-change kar diya.......
Next week they got divorced... .
Now the New punch line :-
"Idea can not only change your life, it also helps you to change your wife...."
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