Sunday, 12 May 2013

Jokes...........Interview of a married man for the benefit of the unmarried ones..............52713

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the trafic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff. "I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:

SLOW:

SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:

SLOW:

CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good.. Can I put up my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign.."
He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity go the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers.
Did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy."
He hung up the phone. The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."

So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:

NUDIST COLONY

Go slow and watch out for chicks!!
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Father-In-Law : Young man, U’re coming to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage and u’rechewing gum. That’s a sign of disrespect!

Man : Sir, I only chew gum when I drink or smoke. Father-In-Law : You mean u drink & smoke and u’re here to seek my daughter’shand in marriage? Man : Sir I only drink&smoke when i go to the club.
Father-In-Law : U club too? Man : I’m sorry sir, I started clubbing when i came out of prison. Father-In-Law : U’ve also been in prison before? Oh my God! Man : Sorry sir, I went to jail when I killed somebody!!.
Father-In-Law : What!!! U’re a killer??? Man : Sir, It happened out of anger. It was a certain man that didn’t allow me to marry his daughter so i killed him.
Father-In-Law : U are highly welcome my son. U are on the right track. U’re absolutely the right Man for my Daughter.....
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santa k ghar NAVJOT SINGH SIDDHU ki tasvir lagi hui thi
Banta: ye q laga rkhi hai..?
Santa: LAUGHING BUDDHA lene gaya tha dukandar ne kaha yeh LATEST hai..
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Anand:Should I buy tickets for my children ?
Conductor : Yes ! Only if they are above 8 .
Anand : Thank God , I have only 6 children .
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A big city lawyer went duck hunting. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and your not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer replied. "I'm one of the best trial lawyers around, and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything that you own.

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in these parts. We settle small disagreements like this, with the Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up to the city fella. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin, which dropped him to his knees.

His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face.

The lawyer was flat on his belly, when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn't.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up, You can keep the duck!"
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Wrong Number:
"Hello, Fridge hai?
Admi:"Haan hai,
Ap kon??
Caller: Fridge chal raha hai?
Admi:"Haan chal rha hai.
Caller:"To phir pakar lo.. Warna
bhaag jayega"
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Again call...
Callar: fridge hai??
Admi gusse se: nhi hai
caller: kaha tha na maine pakar lo
bhaag
jaega.
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Interview of a married man for the benefit of the unmarried ones

Reporter: So how is your married life?
Mr. Bansal: First of all, “married life” is an oxymoron.

Reporter: But people say marriages are made in heaven?
Mr. Bansal: Only if heaven is full of Chinese people.

Reporter: So yours was an arranged marriage, how was it?
Mr. Bansal: Arrange marriage for a man is like Eid for a goat. They treat him like a prince, feed him with great foods, and dress him with bright colors and then…

Reporter: Hmm, so when did you realize that married life is dangerous?
Mr. Bansal: I knew it from day one, marriage is danger, that’s why the bride always wears RED.

Reporter: I’ve heard that arranged marriages last longer that the love ones? Is it true?
Mr. Bansal: Love marriages, hahaha, mostly it goes like this:
We are made for each other.
We are mad for each other.
We are maid for each other.

Reporter: If it is that bad then how married people pass their time?
Mr. Bansal: They watch a lot of TV. Wife watches “Punar-Vivah” and husband wants it for real.

Reporter: So, why you guys don’t do any fun things, like playing games together?
Mr. Bansal: Yes we do. Me and my wife, we are playing a game called “You to be blamed”, very close game, right now she is leading by 1876 – 1.

Reporter: Okay, tell us, what kind of conversations you guys make while you’re free?
Mr. Bansal: She asks a lot of questions, every wife does, and as we start answering their questions, they start questioning our answers.

Reporter: So any tips you wanna share?
Mr. Bansal: Yep, quite a few:
(A). Don’t waste your energy trying to make her laugh, she’ll treat you like a clown anyway.
(B). Never reply to your wife’s “I love you” text with an OKAY.
(C). Remember, a perfect husband is one who apologies every time his wife makes a mistake.
(D). And yes, take you wife on holidays to different places of the world, that will increase chances of her being lost.
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