Friday, 3 May 2013

Jokes..............Engineers special......3........A beautiful girl..............48113

Choice:
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful coed rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want'."

"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit." 

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An engineer dies and is met at the Pearly Gates by St Peter. St Peter ask the engineer his name as he searches for it in the big Book of Life.
St Peter looks up and states, “There’s been a mistake, you’re not due here for another 50 years!” The engineer is distraught and asks what can be done.

St Peter replies, “No problem, this happens more often than you think. Follow me”.

So they walk through the gates and to a room with several bins in it. This is the body parts room. St Peter takes the engineer to the legs bins and states, ” We have all kinds of legs to choose from, but relative to all the good you have done in life so far, you only get $500 worth to play with.”

The engineer sees this as the usual get the most for the least cost exercise so decides to pick carefully and asks, “how much are super strong legs?”

“$10 each” replies St Peter. The engineer is overjoyed and takes two. The next bins are arms, and the engineer buys two super strong arms for $5 each. This is looking good and the engineer is building a great body and dreaming about all the fun he will have when he gets back to earth.

They finally reach the brain bins. The engineer asks “How much are engineers’ brains?” “$5,000 an ounce.” replies St Peter.

“$5,000 an ounce!” exclaims the engineer. “Why so much?” St Peter replies, “Do you know how many engineers it takes to get an ounce of brains?” 

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How many Software Engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, thats a hardware issue.

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Then how many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, it's a maintenance problem. 

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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?" 

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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." and asks the keeper:
"What's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving school children from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

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It happened decades ago, when the rails within railways were not yet welded, but jointed.
In a compartment of a coach of a fast-train were sitting a young lady with her about 5-year old son and an unknown man, who could be an Engineer; as later turned off.
The speed of the express was close to 100km-per-hour, so a sound of "bum-bum-bum..." repeated regularly with a frequency of around 28 Hz.
The child was curious about that sound and asked mum, what caused it.
She just told "It's obvious!"
After ten minutes the boy wanted to know again the origin of the noise.
The lady said "Sit nicely!"; or something like that.

At that moment the man briefly, but gently, explained to the lady, that children deserve to get an adequate reply to any question, they might have; and then turned to the child:

"Look, little boy; we are sitting in an express. What does an express consist of?
-From a locomotive and coaches. Let's put aside the locomotive and rest of coaches. What does our coach consist of?
From wheels and cabins. Let's put aside the cabins and take one wheel.

What is a wheel? -Actually, it is a circle; and what is the area of a circle?
-It equals Ludolf number by square of radius.
Let's put aside the Ludolf number.
What do you get? -A square!
And what does a square do, when riding on a rail?
-Bum-bum-bum...!" 

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An engineer and a mathematician were arguing about which was smarter. They were given a test. A room was found with doors on opposite sides. One person was put at each door. In the center of the room they placed a beautiful girl, scantily clothed. The engineer and mathematician were told that each minute they could go one half the distance to the girl, and the one that got there first could have her. The mathematician thought a minute and said I give up, you can never get there. The engineer said, You are right, but I can get close enough.
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