Sunday, 12 May 2013

Jokes.................. Perfect jokes............. 53013

DATING RITUALS

WHITE WOMEN

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary
position.

IRISH WOMEN

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN

First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti
and meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists
on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the
thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

JEWISH WOMEN

First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head
again.

CHINESE WOMEN

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing
happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing
happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already
realized nothing is going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN

First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real
expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN

First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on
Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father,
his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids,
her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins,
her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in ... and you
live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home
that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio
Grande.

The POINT?

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?
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I Asked Chris Gayle's Son And He Answered...

Beta, Which Standard Are U In?
-SIX ..

And How Far Is Ur School?
- At A Distance Of 10 SIXES From Home. ..

Okay, Tell Me How Much Is A Dozen?
- 2 SIXES ..

How Many Months Are In A Year?
- 2 SIXES ..

How Many Days Are In A Month?
- 5 SIXES :-D
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पप्पू मुशायरे में शायरी पढ रहा था ………….

गौर फरमाइए ..................

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महफिल में हमारे जूते खो गये तो हम घर कैसे जाएँगे ??......
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महफिल में हमारे जूते खो गये तो हम घर कैसे जाएँगे ??......

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सुनने वालों में से किसी ने कहा ..................................
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"अजी आप शायरी तो शुरू कीजिये, इतने मिलेंगे कि आप गिन नहीं पाएँगे "......... 
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नौ सौ चूहे खाकर बिल्ली....,...,.चली । (नये वर्जन में .............................)

कक्षा मेँ मुझे पढाया जा रहा था कि रिक्त स्थान भरो ।(चाहेँ भरते भरते दिमाग रिक्त हो जाये)

नौ सौ चूहे खाकर बिल्ली....,...,.चली ।

अब क्लास मेँ सभी ने इसे पूर्ण किया पर चूँकि अपन शुरु से ही होशियार तो मैने भरा

नौ सौ चूहे खाकर बिल्ली टेढी मेढी चली ।

मास्टर साहब बोले तू पगला गया है क्या नौ सौ चूहे खाकर बिल्ली हज को जाती है ।

मैने कहा देखो मास्टर साहब पहली बात हम हिन्दू है तो बिल्ली हज पर क्योँ भेजेँ ?
भाड मेँ जाये ऐसी धर्मनिरपेक्षता ।
भेजना होगा तो हरिद्वार भेजेँगेँ न अपन।.....:p

और बो तो आप का लिहाज करके इतना चला दिया बिल्ली को वरना नौ सौ चूहे खाकर तो चलना छोड बिल्ली से हिला भी न
जायेँ ।

ये बिल्ली है कोई 10 जनपथ का नेता थोडे न है कि जो कितना भी खाये ,चलते ही जाये ।...... :D
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मेरी और आप सबकी कहानीः-
बेटी :- ' मम्मी, मेरी ब्लू वाली शर्ट कहां है ??
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मम्मीः-" वो अंदर की अलमारी में है.. :))
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बेटी :- 'मम्मी, खाने में क्या है ??
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मम्मी:" दाल, चावल, आलू की सब्जी, रोटी और
दही... :))
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बेटी :- "मम्मी जूते कहां रखे हैं??
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मम्मीः-' बिटिया , तुम्हारे बेड के नीचे:))
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एक दिन
पापा" अरे गुडिया , कभी मुझसे भी कुछ पूछ
लिया कर :-))
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बेटी :- "पापा... मम्मी कहां है ??
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!! आप सबको "माँ दिवस" की शुभकामनाएं ... लेकिन कोई मुझे ये बता सकता है क्या
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ये "सासु माँ दिवस" कब आता है, अपने " रोबर्ट वढेरा" ने पूछा है ।
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Once a bright intelligent young
man went for IAS interview. He
was asked -

Q 1. When did India get
independence?

He answered - The efforts started
long back; but could succeed in
1947.

Q 2. Who were the persons, who
played important role in this fight
for independence?

Answer - There are many people,
who were involved and
contributed in this. If I give a
name, it will be injustice to others.

Q 3. Do you think, corruption is
the greatest enemy of the
country?

Answer - A committee is
investigating in this matter. I can
give a correct reply to this only
after seeing the report.

The interview board was
impressed by his original ideas.
They asked him to wait outside;
but also advised him not to reveal
the questions, as they may ask the
same questions to other
candidates also.

When the young man went out of
the room, Chotu inquired about
the questions asked. The young
man said that he had promised
the interview board not to
disclose the questions.

But, Chotu found a way out."Tell
me the answer you gave"..
The young man, thought it to be
okay, as he was not going back
on his words of"not disclosing
the QUESTIONS"

When Chotu went in for interview,
this is what happened.

Q 1. What's your birth date?

Chotu :- The efforts started long
back, but could succeed in 1947.
Interviewers got confused...they -
asked next question.

Q 2. What is your father's name?

Chotu :- There are many people,
who were involved and
contributed in this. If I give a
name, it will be injustice to others.
The board members were
shocked at the reply..they said.

Q 3. Are you mad?

Chotu :- Answered - A committee
is investigating in this matter. I
can give a correct reply to this
only after seeing the report.
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