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Saturday, 6 April 2013

I’d like to be young and beautiful again................................37713

Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."

"That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her u are the only child?"

"She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"

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Did you hear about the successful


bonsai tree grower? 
 

He got so good he ended up



 looking for a house with a smaller


 garden.
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My wife is a strong believer of 
 
Vastu Shastra. Whenever we have 
 
a fight, she lifts a Vastu and uses 
 
it 
 
 as a Shastra.
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One lady to a salesman in a shop: 
 
“I want to select a shirt for my 
 
husband, can you help me?”


Salesman: “Sure madam, it is my 
 
pleasure. What would be the size 
 
of your husband?”


Lady: “Err….. about size, I don’t 
 
know. But yes, his neck fits 
 
perfectly in my hands.”
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A small boy is helping his 


grandfather dig up potatoes. 
 

‘What I want to know,’ he says, ‘is 



why you buried the damn things in


 the first place.’
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 Twitter addict receives phone call from his 


doctor.

The doctor says:

“I have some good news and some bad 


news.”

Twitter addict:

“OK, give me the good news first.”

The doctor says:

“The good news is, you’ve got only 24 more 


hours to live.”

Twitter addict:

“Oh no! If that’s the good news, then what’s 


the bad news?”

The doctor says:

“The bad news is, Twitter is down.”


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Scots boy came home from school and told his 


mother he had been given a part in the school

 play.


"Wonderful," says the mother, "What part is it?"


The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish 


husband!"


The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell 


your teacher you want a speaking part."
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A little old man was escorted into the


 witness box. He was sworn in and asked by 

the lawyer to explain what happened. After

a lengthy discussion of the events leading up

 to the incident he finally got around to the

meat of the case: ‘And then she hit me

 with 

a maple leaf.’


‘A maple leaf? Surely that couldn’t have


caused you any serious injury,’ said the 

lawyer.


‘Are you kidding?’ exclaimed the old man.


 ‘It was the leaf from the centre of our 

dining room table.’
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An old lady is polishing a lamp when a genie

 suddenly appears and offers her three 

wishes.


‘I’d like to be young and beautiful again,’ 


says the old lady. ‘I’d like this cottage to be

 a fine mansion, and I’d like my cat, 

Whiskers, to be a handsome prince.’ The 

genie grants these wishes and the old lady, 

the cottage and Whiskers are all

transformed. The beautiful young woman 

swoons into the handsome prince’s arms 

and he gently whispers in her ear, ‘Now I 

bet you wish you hadn’t taken me to the vet

 for that little operation.’ 
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‘Betting on horses is a funny old 

game,’ says a man to his friend. ‘You

 win one day and lose the next.’ 
 

The friend replies, ‘So why not bet


 every other day?’
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 Judge to the accused: “You have been

 accused of imprisoning, threatening,

 intimidating and treating your wife as 

your slave. Is it true?”


Accused: “Your honor......I,..I......”


Judge: “I don’t want any explanations.


 Just tell me how you achieved this

 feat.”


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