Thursday, 14 March 2013

Love your friends not their sisters.......30013

Francois Fillon, The French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office when his telephone rang. "Hallo, Mr. Fillon," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Slingo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Fillon replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight! Fillon paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Fillon, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Fillon asked. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Fillon sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Fillon, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultralight with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!" Fillon was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand." "Oh me goodness!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Fillon! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Fillon. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Paddy, "We've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's no way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners."
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1. A Foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption : Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD, After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
3. Three FASTEST means of Communication : 1. Tele-Phone 2. Tele-Vision 3. Tell to Woman Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman. Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him. Moral : BE SPECIFIC
6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ? It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest. They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him. Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE. Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.
12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein
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