Saturday, 2 March 2013

Jokes........Specialist in women, and other diseases....................25013

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer s tops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!! "

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"


One Liners

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it ... for example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Home computers are the perfect thing for women who don't feel that men provide them with enough frustration!

You might be a redneck if you go to your family reunion to meet women!

A job interviewer asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I said, "Ideally, suspended with pay."

Marry an orphan: You'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Adam bit the apple and, feeling great shame, covered himself with a fig leaf. Eve, too, felt shame and covered herself with a fig leaf. Then she went behind the bush to try on a maple leaf, a sycamore, and an oak.

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Hinglish in India......

In an Ahmedabad Hotel:
It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.

In a Surat hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In the elevator in Hotel Tex Pallazo, Surat: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Baroda hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Jamnagar: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Ahmedabad hotel near Gujarat College: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. Edwards Laundry on Relief Road, Ahmedabad: Drop your trousers here for best results.
In a Bhavnagar hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is rekvested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an Anand laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a heritage hotel at Junagadh: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages. Advertisement for donkey rides (on the famous white asses) in
Rann of Kutch: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In a 5-Star Hotel cocktail lounge in Ahmedabad: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Bharuch hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Not from a hotel, but still worth a mention: In the office of Ahmedabad gynecologist: Specialist in women, and other diseases.
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  Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."
X asked, "Can you explain?"
Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."
Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"
Y said," Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"
X asked, "Then what is your role?"
Y said," My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe , whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".
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