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Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Does love just happen or you have to make it happen?...............31813

बोर्ड की परीक्षा में
हाई स्कूल की कक्षा में
एक भाई साहब
मेज पर चाकू गाड़े
परीक्षा देने में तल्लीन थे ।
निरीक्षक ने देखा
पहले खिसिआया
फिर झल्लाया
अंत में छात्र के समक्ष
करबद्ध हो कर
धीरे से बड़बड़ाया ।
हे आर्य ! हे करूश्रे”ठ
आप कॉपी रूपी रणक्षेत्र में
युद्ध खंजर से क्यूं लड़ रहे हैं ?
कॉपी पर जूझ रहा छात्र
गुरू को कुपित नेत्रों से घूर कर
ज़ोर से चिघांड़ा ।
हे विद्यापति ! हे गुरूवर !
भगवान ने आपको
दो आंखें मुफ्त में दी,
ऊपर से आपने
लालटेन भी लगा ली ।
पर आप ये न समझ पाये
कि मैंने चाकू
प्रश्न पत्र पर क्यूं गाड़ा है ।
हे विद्यानिधि !
आपके पंखे में रेग्युलेटर नहीं है ।
ये तीन पंखों की चिरईया
फुल स्पीड पर फड़फड़ा रही है ।
मेरा प्र’न पत्र
इसकी तीव्र वायु से
उड़ा जा रहा था ।
अतः
मैंने इसकी लाट पर
चाकू गाड़ कर
इसको उड़ने से वंचित कर दिया है ।
और कोई बात नहीं
ये तो मात्र पेपरवेट है ।.......!!!
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Serena and her friend Tina got on the bus. Both around seventeen, Tina was a little too plump for her age. Their journey was long and tedious. They saw a young, fat and dumb looking man sitting awkwardly a few seats ahead and decided to make fun of him. They went near his seat and stood there holding the bar for support. The man, out of sheer courtesy, tried to get up to offer his seat to Tina.

Tina says,“No, no sir, please be seated. Does not look nice when an old man stands up for a young girl to sit.”

The young man retorts, “True and well said, my child. But you see it is not proper for an old man to sit when a pregnant woman stands beside him.”
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Q: Does love just happen or you have to make it happen?

A: If a girl is good looking and going on a bicycle, it just happens. If, on the other hand, she is not beautiful but is driving an expensive luxury car, you have to make it happen.
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Jack:"There is something I can do that nobody else in my school can do. Not even teachers!"

Rob: "What's that?"

Jack: "Read my handwriting"
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 A young elephant and young mouse came across each other for the first time:

Mouse: "What are you?"
Elephant: " I'm an elephant"

Mouse: "Aren't you big"
Elephant: " Yes. What are you?

Mouse: " I'm a mouse"
Elephant: " Aren't you small?"

Mouse: " I, I, I've not been well"
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Mr. and Mrs. Val were visited by a door to door salesman. He tried hard to sell a deep freezer to them and they were reluctant and unconvinced. Finally the salesman said: “If you buy this freezer you will save on food bills enough to pay for the freezer.”

Exasperated, Mrs. Val replied: “It is like this. We are paying for the house on what we are saving on the rent. We are paying for cable TV on what we are saving on movie tickets. Not to mention the damn car for which we are paying on what we save on taxi fares. We cannot afford to save anymore now.”
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Two cabbies, Harry and Dave met after a long time.

"Hey," pointed out Harry, "why did you paint one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"

"Well," answered Dave, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."
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The methods to Grade Final Exams:

1. Dept. of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
2. Dept. of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
3. Dept. of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.
4. Dept. of Religion: Grade is determined by God.
5. Dept. of Philosophy: What is a grade?
6. Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
7. Dept. of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
8. Dept. of Computer Science: Random number generator determines grade.
9. Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).
10. Dept. of Physical Education: Everybody gets an A.
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