|Mother: "Give me a sentence that starts with an 'I'".|
Little Jonny: "I is the...."
Mother: "Stop! Never put 'is' after an 'I'. Always put 'am' after an 'I'".
Little Jonny: "OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet"!
|A businessman says to his colleague, "I know where we can get a pint, a pie and a hot barmaid that's up for a threesome". Oh I don't know, I'm not sure", says his friend, "whose pies are they?"|
A 90 year old man opened the door to a young stripogram.|
"Would you like some super sex", she asked.
He replied, "I think I'll just have the soup thanks!"
An Irishman wants to buy a green union jack. The shop assistant says, "I'm afriad they only come in red, white and blue."|
"OK then", he says, "I'll have a blue one!"
To check his servant's honesty, his Lordship asked him: "What will you do with a £20 note lying on the floor?
Will you keep it?"|
Servant: "No, of course not your Lordship"
His Lordship felt happy about his servant's honesty, but asked, "What will you do with it?"
Servant: "I will spend it."
A man went it a departmental store and asked, "Do you have any colour TV's"?|
"Yes sir", replied the assistant, do you have anything particular in mind?"
"Yes, a green one!"
A man was about to get married and he wanted to have knowledge on how to handle a women. He went to a bookstore and
asked the salesgirl, "Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of Women?"|
The salesgirl, pointing towards another corner of the shop, said: "yes sir, you'll find it down there - under fiction!"
|A young man, who was in love with a girl and wanted to marry her, went to his dad and asked: "Dad, how much does it cost to get married? His father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying for it."|
Mike to his girlfriend Lisa: "I'm not rich like Craig, I don't have a big house like Craig, I don't have an
expensive fast car like Craig, I'm not as good looking as Craig but honey I love you!"|
Lisa to Mike: "I love you too - now tell me some more about Craig!"