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Sunday, 10 February 2013

Latest Jokes................17413

Two bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy stuff, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish.'"
Two men are playing golf.
In front of them are two women who are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.
So one man says to his friend, "I'm gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through."
He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around.
When he gets back his friend asks what happened.
He replies, "One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Why don't you go talk to them?"
So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.
When he gets back, his friend asks, "Now what happened?"
To this he replies, "Small world."
A young man comes home and says: "Dad, just got my driver's license and I'd like to use the family car."
Father replies: "OK son. But first you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make sure the yard is neat and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."
Several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand.
"Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"
Father replies: "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair."
Son says: "But dad, Jesus had long hair."
Father replies: "Yes, son, he did. And he walked everywhere he went!"
One day a girl brings home her boyfriend and tells her father she wants to marry him.
After talking to her for while he tells his daughter she can't do it because he is her half brother.
The following week the daughter brings another boyfriend home but again her father tells her she can't marry him either because he is also her half brother.
The same problem happens again four more times! The girl starts to get really annoyed.
She goes to her mum and says: "Mum, what have you been doing all your life time? Dad has been going around laying every maiden in town and now I can't marry any of the guys I like because they have turned out to be my half brothers!"
Her mum replies: "Don't worry darling, you can marry any one of them you want, he's not your dad!"
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