Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Black Panties............23813

1 TO 10 .....
FANTASTIC WORDS.
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The most selfish one letter word.
"I"
Avoid it.
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The most satisfying two letter word.
"We"
Use it.
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The most poisonous three letter word.
"Ego"
Kill it.
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The most used four letter word.
"Love"
Value it.
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The most pleasing five letter word.
"Smile"
Keep it
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The fastest spreading six letter word.
"Rumour"
✖✖Ignore it.✖✖
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The hard working seven letter word.
"Success"
Achieve it.
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The most enviable eight letter word.
"Jealousy"
↔↔Distance it.↔↔
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The most powerful nine letter word.
"Knowledge"
Acquire it.
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The most divine ten letter word.
"Friendship"
Maintain it....:)
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Have Fun in life
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Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: £10.00
Lady: And how long have you been
smoking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost £10.00 and you have
3 packs a day which puts your spending
each month at £900. In one year, it would
be
£10,800 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend £10,800 not
accounting for inflation, the past 15 years
puts your spending at £162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't
smoked, that money could have been put
in a step-up interest savings account and
after
accounting for compound interest for the
past 15 years, you could have now bought
a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your fucking Ferrari then?
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एक बार एक छोटी चिड़िया सर्दी में
साउथ पोल
की तरफ उड़ कर जा रही थी , ठंड
इतनी ज्यादा थी की उससे सहन नही हुई
और खून जम जाने
से वो वहीँ एक मैदान में गिर गयी ......
वहां पर एक गाय ने
आकर उसके ऊपर गोबर कर दिया , गोबर के
नीचे दबने के
बाद उस चिड़िया को एहसास हुआ की उसे
दरअसल उस गोबर के ढेर में गर्मी मिल
रही थी , लगातार गर्माहट के
एहसास ने उस छोटी चिड़िया को सुकून से
भर
दिया और उसने गाना गाना शुरू कर
दिया .....
वहां से निकल रही एक बिल्ली ने उस गाने
की आवाज़
सुनी और देखने लगी की ये आवाज़ कहाँ से आ
रही है ,थोड़ी देर बाद उसे एहसास हुआ
की ये आवाज़ गोबर
के ढेर के अंदर से आ रही है , उसने गोबर
का ढेर खोदा और
उस चिड़िया को बाहर निकाला और उसे
खा गयी .....:((
मॉरल - आपके ऊपर गंदगी फेंकने वाला हर
इंसान
आपका दुश्मन नही होता ,और आपको उस
गंदगी में से
बाहर निकलने वाला हर इंसान
आपका दोस्त
नही होता ...! 
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Black Panties


Sherry lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter constantly urges her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Sherry says she'll go out, but doesn't know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it's an immediate hit. They really like one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the mountains.

Their first night there, she undresses as he does. There she stands nude except for a pair of black lacy panties, he in his birthday suit.

Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?"

She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

Obviously, he knows he's not getting lucky that night.

The following night the same scenario. She's standing there with the black panties on, and he is in his birthday suit...except... that he has a black prophylactic over his manhood.

She looks at him and asks, "What's with the...uh...black prophylactic?" 

 He replies, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."    
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A tragic love story:

A pig fell in love with a hen.
One day they kissed each other.

Next day pig died of bird flu & bird died of swine flu.
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"GF: i Love u baby.
BF: (softly) i Love u 2
GF: aise kyn bola?
BF: bas thoda mood sa off tha.
GF: dosto k sth to bade khush rehte ho,mere sth hi drame.
Bf:(pyar se) aisa kch nai jaanu, tabiyat thodi theek nai.
GF: haan abhi dost ph kardega to 2 sec mai tabiyat theek ho jaye gi....
BF: dost kahan se agye, mera mood thoda upset hai bas.
GF: mere sth hi ye sb hota hai, frnds k sath njoy krte ho,badi has k pics click karwate ho. Ya koi aur ladki pasand agyi?
BF: (aur jyada pyar se) arrey, kahan se kahan baat le ja rhi ho?
GF: aj sb clear hoga!
BF: kya clear karna hai jaanu, aisa kya hogya??
GF: (khud confused) jb tm khud clear nai, tmhe kch pata nai to mai kya bolu?
BF: (trying to act smart) tmhe hua kya hai, kis baat pe upset ho. Btao.
GF: tmhri sangati kharab hai!
BF: mere sth to tm ho
GF: ab bohot hogya,ab aur nai
BF: (ful crashed) hua kya hai, ye to bta do
GF: hm ab sth nai reh sakte
BF: ye baat kahan se ayi
GF: i want break up
BF: (kilas kar) hmmmm, ok
GF: (gone crazy) haan, yhi chahte ho tm to, fir tm jo marzi kar sako.
BF: arrey khud ne bola abhi, maine kya galat kaha
GF: itni prob thi to bola kyn nai, mai khud bina bole chali jati tmhri lyf se( biggest joke )
BF: (apne baal pakad kar) mjhe meri galti to bta do
GF: waqt ane pe pata chalegi tmhe apne ap, jb mai chali jaungi..
BF: accha, to mai wait krta hun sahi waqt ka
GF: tm serious kb hoge
BF: ab kya hospital mai admit hojaun serious hone k liye
GF: go to hell
BF: dnt cal me again
AFTER 3 HOURS
GF: tmhe pta hai na mai tmhre bina nai reh sakti jaanu, sorry i love u my baby
BF: (Sab bhool kar) i luv u tooo honey
GF: itna sad kyn sound kara?
READ IT AGAIN FROM TOP, SAME HI HOGA!!!!!
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Santa:- "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."?

Banta:- "Don't be so desi. There's computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.00."???

Santa figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read??
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, Santa began to wonder if this could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try.

He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $ 10.00.
The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and printed out the following analysis:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.?
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti- fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter is getting' screwed by three guys at the same time and has urinary infection. Put her on Antibiotic and keep a track of her outings.
4. Your wife is pregnant . . . twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. And Bastard, If you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better!!
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