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Saturday, 19 January 2013

Wife........Wife........Wife Jokes....................7213

My wife said to me: "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
I said "yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
I went to my solicitor and told him I was looking to get a divorce because my wife hadn't spoken to me in six months, he told me to think it over, "wives like that are hard to get!"
My wife said for her birthday she wanted something that went from 0 to 60 in three and a half seconds - so I bought her a pair of weighing scales!
I asked my wife where she'd like to go for our anniversary and she said "take me somewhere I've never been" - so I showed her into the kitchen!
I once placed an advert in my local paper: "Wife Wanted", I got 82 replies all saying "you can have mine!"
My wife hung up the phone after half an hour chatting, I said, "that was short, you're usually on a couple of hours", she said "it was a wrong number"!
I haven't spoken to my wife for three years - I don't want to interrupt her!"
I saw my wife looking in the mirror, she said "I like to look at my lovely young complexion and attractiveness, do you think that's vanity?" I said, "no, just your imagination!"
I wanted a great night out so I bought my wife three movie tickets - one for her and one each for her parents!
I said to my wife I was going to make her the happiest woman in the world - she said she'd miss me!
I came back from the pub one night and the next morning I realised that men are as good looking as when they went to bed the night before but for some reason women deteriorate overnight!
My wife said it was better for me to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
My wife said we should learn from our mistakes so I don't quite understand why we had more than one child! 
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