Sunday, 27 January 2013

Police jokes............10613

The metropolitan police commissioner has been sacked - he said he was going to act on blue movies!
I was stopped by the police. The officer said, "didn't you see the sign back there sir?"
I said, "which one? Pick your own strawberries!"
I was stopped by the police and the officer said, "blow into this bag please sir".
I said, "what does it do?"
He said, "it's a bag that tells you if you're drunk".
I said, "I've got one of them at home!"
A policeman pulls a guy over and says to the driver: "Sir, do you realise your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" "Thank Goodness for that", the man replied, "I thought I'd gone deaf!"
A man was driving to work when a box fell off the back of a lorry in front of him. The box burst open and spread upholstery tacks all over the road. The man swerved violently but fortunately managed to avoid the tacks and any punctures. Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. "I'm sorry sir," the policeman told the driver, "I am going to have to write you a ticket for that." Amazed, the driver asked "what for?"
The policeman replied, "Tacks evasion."
An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. "Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and we then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves." The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!" The old man says, "I'm crying because I can't remember where I live!"
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes doing in your car?" asks the officer?
"I juggle them in my act." says the driver.
"Oh, yeah? Says the doubtful copper. "Let's see you do it then." The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.
"Wow" says the passer-by. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"
A policeman is driving down the highway when he sees a lorry driver pull over, walk to the side of the lorry with a hammer and bang on the side a few times then drive away. A couple of miles down the road the driver does the same thing, gets out of the lorry, bangs on the side of the lorry a few times then drives away. A few more miles, the same thing. The policeman pulls the lorry over and asks the driver to explain what he's doing. The driver says, "Well, the load limit on this road is ten tons and I’m carrying twelve tons of parakeets, so I’ve got to keep some of them flying around."
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