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Thursday, 31 January 2013

My wife is like "Terms & conditions" of a Website...............12913

Side effects of alcohol and remedies !!!

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause- Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure: Adjust glass until open end is facing upward.

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom- The floor looks blurry.
Cause : You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill your glass!

4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you!

5. Symptom-You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your empty glass on your ear and trying to drink from it.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself, refill your glass and place it on your mouth.

6. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause : You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very loud and repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job!
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हम दोनों दोस्ती कुछ इस तरह निभाएंगे,
नौकरी नहीं मिली तो बिल्कुल नहीं घबराएंगे,

दोनों मिल कर चाय की दुकान लगाएंगे,
तुम चाय बनाना और हम चाय-चाय चिल्लाएंगे.......................
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An Engineer's wife delivered a baby.

Wifet sends a Sms : Your Cicuit Design came out..

Husband smiles & replies: With 'Antenna' or without 'Antenna'..
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:::::पांच गुप्त सम्मोहन उपाय::::::

1. मोर की कलगी रेश्मी वस्त्र में बांधकर जेब में रखने से सम्मोहन शक्ति बढ़ती है।

2.श्वेत अपामार्ग की जड़ को घिसकर तिलक करने से सम्मोहन शक्ति बढ़ती है।

3.स्त्रियां अपने मस्तक पर आंखों के मध्य एक लाल बिंदी लगाकर उसे देखने का प्रयास करें। यदि कुछ समय बाद बिंदी खुद को दिखने लगे तो समझ लें कि आपमें सम्मोहन शक्ति जागृत हो गई है।

4.गुरुवार को मूल नक्षत्र में केले की जड़ को सिंदूर में मिलाकर पीस कर रोजाना तिलक करने से आकर्षण शक्ति बढ़ती है।
5.गेंदे का फूल, पूजा की थाली में रखकर हल्दी के कुछ छींटे मारें व गंगा जल के साथ पीसकर माथे पर तिलक लगाएं आकर्षण शक्ति बढ़ती है।

नोट: यह बहुत ही गुप्त प्रयोग है, इसे किसी को भी न बताएं और जब इसे प्रयोग करें तो खुद भी करके भूल जायें.
इस विधि का गलत प्रयोग न करें।

स्वार्थ सिद्धि के लिए इसका प्रयोग न करें। अन्यथा व्यक्ति आपसे सम्मोहि तो हो जाएगा परन्तु इसके दुष्परिणाम आपको ही भुगतने होंगें......!!
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A TOP CLASS FLIRTING LINE :)

Grl : I don't like the way u keep staring at me

Boy : AND I like the way u notice me doing that.. ♥ ♥ ♥
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♥ Laws Of Life ♥

1)Law Of Telephone: When You Dial A Wrong Number, You Never Get A Busy Tone.

2)Law Of Mechanical Repair: After Your Hands Become Coated With Grease Your Nose Will Begin To Itch.

3)Law Of The Workshop: Any Tool, When Dropped, Will Roll To The Least Accessible Corner.

4)Law Of The Alibi: If You Tell The Boss You Were Late For Work Because You Had A Flat Tire, The Next Morning You Will Have A Flat Tire.

5)Bath Theorem: When The Body Is Immersed In Water, The Telephone Rings.

6) Law Of Encounters: The Probability Of Meeting Someone You Know Increases When You Are With Someone You Don't Want To Be Seen With.

7) Law Of The Result: When You Try To Prove To Someone That A Machine Won't Work, It Will.

8) Law Of Bio mechanics: The Severity Of The Itch Is Inversely Proportional To The Reach.

9) Theater Rule: People With The Seats At The Furthest From The Aisle Arrive Last.

10) Law Of Coffee: As Soon As You Sit Down For A Cup Of Hot Coffee, Your Boss Will Ask You To Do Something Which Will Last Until The Coffee Is Cold.

11) Law Of Proposal : After U Accept A Proposal You Will Get A Better One :-D
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Super POGO joke ........ ; )
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1 aadmi Dinner Ke Vakt Apne bete Se Gusse Me Bola: Gadhe, KARELA Kha, LAMBA Hoga..!
Kitchen Se Sharmate Hue WIFE Boli: AAP Bhi Khaiye Na.... ;) :D
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A husband's version:

My wife is like "Terms & conditions" of a Website,
I never understand what she says but I always accept.
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Geography of WOMAN-

18-22 yr: She's like AFRICA, half discovered half wild naturally beautiful with fertile deltas

23-30: She's like US, Well developed & open to Trade, specially for rich Investors

31-45: She's like INDIA, Very Hot
Relaxed & Convinced of Her Own Beauty

46-55: She's like FRANCE, Gently Ageing but sensual with appreciation for finer things

56-60: YUGOSLAVIA. Lost the warhaunted by past mistakes
& in need of massive reconstruction

Aftr 61- AFGHANISTAN Everyone knows where it is,
but no one likes to go there.

Geography of MAN:

15- 80 yrs: He is like PAKISTAN,
Ruled By A Dick
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Santa threw his watch off the
balcony of his house on the tenth
floor. He ran downstairs and still
managed to catch it.

How did he
do that?
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Because Santa’s watch is always ten minutes slow. :-D
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Ek Baar Ek Lady Panty Or Bra Kharidne Jati Hai, Woh
Salesman Se Kehti Hai.
Lady: “Mujhe Bra Aur Panty Dikhaiyega”
Salesman: “Ek Minute Madam, Yeh Lijiye Aapke Size Ki
Hi Mene Nikali Hai”
Lady: “Kya Price Hai ?” Salesman: “Dekhiye Bra Aur Panty Ko Mila Ke Aapke
350/- Ho Gaye”
Lady: “Dekho Kuch Kam KroNa”
Salesman: “Dekhiye Maine Bra Mein Apka Dil Rakh
LiyaOr Ab Aap Panty Mein Meri Juban Rakh Lo“...
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Abbas - Let's make Race 2

Mustan - Let's hire big stars who don't even know how to lip sync

Anil Kapoor - I run a popular lounge..I'm friends with big shots..But I'll hire the dumbest of assistants, and I'll also take her along in all the conspiracies that I plan to hatch

Ameesha Patel - I'll give Anil Kapoor enough chances to crack sexually laced jokes...I think my 30 fans (out of total 55) will like it. :/

Deepika Padukone - "Time waste krne k liye time kiske paas hai"...Oh..but i do seem to have time to break into a shitty song first...And i'll speak English dialogues like a wannabe babe from <can't mention here!!>

Saif Ali khan - I make deals worth millions (of Euros, not Dollars or Rupees, bitches), but I stay in a hotel which offers rooms @ less than Rs. 7,000/- per night (I'm not joking, go check popular tours and travels websites)
And yes, "Mai iss race ka sabse purana ghoda hu"..'Coz I was there in Race 1 too...???

Jacqueline Fernandez - This will be my best dialogue delivery ever : "Men are many...but money is money" Seriously?? :/

John Abraham - I can make a mafia big gun toss around 15 BILLION Euros (A third of Bill Gates current net worth!!!) whenever I want to...I want to release my body-building DVD, so I'll make sure that the director adds a scene of a worthless fight scene that adds nothing to the plot... and and...I'll also crack a dialogue at the end that hints at another Race in the making.. (Are you kidding me!!!)

Pritam - Where should I copy my next track from... Oh wait...I'll remix my own music..People liked it 5 years ago, they should like it again..
And I'll get a gimmicky "RACE wala song" added right there in the middle of the movie..for no apparent reason...

Story writer and VFX director - Don't blame us... They spent all of their 87 crores on big stars, luxury fleet, international destinations, making people understand Hindi in Istanbul...do you still expect us to work hard and give them something great?

There you have it...another shitty movie of the year...
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1. Sindhi: Yeh banana kaise diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Sindhi: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chhilka
milega.
Sindhi: Le 40 paise, chilka rakh aur
kela de de.
2. Sindhi on his deathbed.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife: Yes, I'm here
My sons daughters r u all here?
Yes, Papa
Sindhi: To phir bahar wale kamre
ka pankha kyun chal raha hai ???
3. Sindhi 14th floor se neeche gira
Girte waqt usne
apne ghar ki khidki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla ke bola:
MERI ROTI NAHIN PAKANA!
4. Sindhi ne Sheikh ko khoon de ke
uski jaan bachai.
Sheikh ne use MERCEDES gift kar di.
Sheikh ko phir khoon ki zaroorat
padi,
Sindhi ne phir khoon diya.
Ab ki baar Sheikh ne till wale laddu
gift kiye,
Sindhi: (Gusse se): Mercedes kyun
nahin di?
Sheikh: Munna!!! Ab hamare andar
bhi sindhi ka khoon daud raha hai:)
5. Sindhi called a newspaper office
and asked: Mera Chacha mar gaya
hai,
obituary ke kya
charges honge?
Newspaper: Rs.50 per word.
Sindhi: Oh bahut zyaada hain, Achha
likho "Chacha Guzar Gaye"
Newspaper: Sir! It should be
minimum 6 words!
Sindhi: Oh ho! Zara sochne do.....
Achha likho....... ......... .
Chacha Guzar Gaye - Maruti for
Sale ..
6. Sindhi asks a Taxi Driver: CP wale
gurudware jayega kya?
Taxi Driver: Haan ji jaoonga.
Sindhi ne jeb se lunchbox nikala or
kaha:
Wapsi main langar ka khana lete
aana.
7. Sindhi ko bhoot chadh gaya ,
3 din baad bhoot khud ek ojha ke
paas gaya aur bola,
Ojha sahab mujhe bahar nikalo..!
Warna main to bhookha hi mar
jaoonga
8. Titanic Ke Saath Sindhib Bhi Doob
Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost: Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Sindhi: Shukar Hai Maine Return
Ticket Nahin Khareeda..
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