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Saturday, 26 January 2013

Jokes on ME...(3)..............9413

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
I went to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there the guy was locking up. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."
I bought my wife some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different design so my wife would know when to stop unwrapping
I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier - I put them in the same room and let them fight it out
I installed a skylight in my apartment - the people who live above me are furious
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above - so I never have to go upstairs
I hope I'll be on one of the remote Scottish islands when the end of the world comes, because everything happens 30 years after it does in the rest of the civilized world
I went to buy my wife some swimwear as a surprise present. The shop assistant asked if I wanted a bikini for her or an all-in-one, I said better give me a bikini, she'll never get it all in one!
I bought a waterbed for me and the wife, we don't sleep together anymore, we drifted apart
I went to the post office to buy some stamps, the cashier asked me what denomination, I said, "Church of England!"
I reckon Santa Claus is definitely a man - no woman would wear the same outfit year after year
My computer password is 'MickeyMinniePlutoScoobyTomJerryDonaldGoofy' - I was told it had to be at least eight characters long
I took a book back to the library, I said to the librarian, "I didn't like it, it was boring, I didn't understand the plot, it had too many characters and too many numbers."
She said, "hey, here's the guy that took our phone book!"
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