Friday, 25 January 2013

Jokes on ME (2)..............9113

I was sick at the airport - I was afraid I might have a terminal illness!
I new I was drunk when I was lying on the floor but couldn't hold on!
I live in my own little world but it's nice here, they all know me!
I can handle pain, it doesn't bother me - until it starts to hurt!
I spent the first two years teaching my kids to walk and talk and the next sixteen to sit down and shut up!
I always borrow money from a pessimist because he's never expecting it back!
I paid £100 for a bottle of potion that lets you live forever - so far it's working!
I girl phoned me and said, "come on over there's nobody home", I went over, there was nobody there!
I beggar asked me if I could spare a penny for a cup of tea - I said, "here's tuppence, get me one as well!"
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one. It wasn't doing what I was doing
I went to an army store to buy some camouflage trousers but I couldn't find them
I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: "This could be interesting!"
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving
I told my wife I'd go to the ends of the world for her - she asked me if I'd stay there!
I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in just two minutes
I bought some batteries but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again

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