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Sunday, 23 December 2012

Jokes by The Great OSHO.........154312

Osho – Let us laugh a little…. The silence should not become heavy, it should not have weight. Unless your silence learns to dance it becomes a heavy weight.
A flea rushes into the pub just before closing time, orders three large whiskeys, drinks them straight down, rushes out into the street, leaps high into the air and falls flat on his face.
The flea picks himself up shakily and looks all around, “Damn it,” he says, “someone has moved my dog!”

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Hannibal Hayne is in Doctor Feelgood’s office for his annual checkup.
“You won’t live out the week,” says the doctor, “if you don’t stop running around after women.”
“But Doc, there is nothing the matter with me,” says Hannibal, pounding his chest with his fist, “I am in great physical shape.”
“Yes, I know,” replies Doctor Feelgood, “but one of the women is my wife.”

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Fagin Finkelstein, the lawyer, is engaged to defend a man in court on a rape charge. A huge black woman is testifying that she woke up one morning to discover that she had been raped and that the accused was lying beside her.
“Now, madam, it is very hard to take your story seriously,” sniggers Fagin. “Suppose, for instance, you had woken in the morning and found me lying beside you. What would you think?”
The woman looks Fagin up and down slowly and then remarks, “I would think I had a miscarriage.”

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Pitkin, the absent-minded professor and his family are moving house. Mrs. Pitkin knows how forgetful her husband can be and writes the new address on several pieces of paper, putting one in each pocket of the professor’s clothes.
Somehow during the day Professor Pitkin manages to write notes on each piece of paper and then give them away to his students.
In the evening when he drives to the old house, he remembers that he has moved, but has no idea where to. Then he sees some children playing in the street and walks over to them.
“Hey, little girl,” he calls out, “Can you tell me where the Pitkins have moved to?”
“Sure,” replies the girl. “It is just around the corner and three houses along — Daddy!”

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A rich farmer had been trying desperately to marry off his daughters. One day he met Mulla Nasrudin.
“I have several daughters,” the farmer told the Mulla. ”I would like to see them comfortably fixed. And I will say this, they won’t go to their husbands without a little bit in the bank, either. The youngest one is twenty-three and she will take Rupees 25,000 with her. The next one is thirty-two, and she will take Rupees 50,000 with her. Another is forty-three and she will take Rupees 75,000 with her.”
”That’s interesting,” said Nasrudin. ”I was just wondering if you have one about fifty years old.”
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Mulla Nasrudin was sitting under a tree chatting with a neighbour, when his boy came up the road carrying a chicken.
”Where did you get that chicken?” Nasrudin asked his boy. ”Stole it,” said the boy. Mulla Nasrudin turned to his friend and said proudly, ”THIS IS MY BOY. HE MAY STEAL, BUT HE WON’T LIE.”
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The young lady’s hopes had been high for two years while Mulla Nasrudin remained silent on the question of marriage. Then one evening he said to her, ”I had a most unusual dream last night. I dreamed that I asked to marry you. I wonder what that means.” ”THAT MEANS,” said his girlfriend, ”THAT YOU HAVE MORE SENSE ASLEEP THAN YOU HAVE AWAKE.”
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As usual, Mulla Nasrudin showed up for supper with dirty hands and a dirty face. ”Go wash up,” his wife screamed at him. ”Night after night I tell you. And night after night you always come to the table without washing. Why don’t you ever do it without my shouting at you?”
”WELL,” said the Mulla, ”IT’S ALWAYS WORTH A TRY. WHO KNOWS? YOU MIGHT FORGET ONCE.”
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Mulla Nasrudin stopped the doctor on the street one summer day. ”You remember when you cured my rheumatism ten years ago, Doctor,” asked the Mulla, ”and told me not to get wet?”
”Y-e-s, Yes, I remember,” said the doctor. ”WELL, I JUST WONDERED IF YOU THINK IT’S SAFE FOR ME TO TAKE A BATH YET,” said Mulla Nasrudin.
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