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Saturday, 29 December 2012

"How much does it cost to get married?".......157912


एक नई दुल्हन का ससुराल में भव्य स्वागत हुआ। जब वो पहले दिन अपनी ससुराल पहुंची तो परिवार ने उससे दो शब्द कहने का आग्रह किया

दुल्हन ने ये भाषण दिया

मेरे प्रिय परिजनों, मैं इस नए घर में अपने इतने शानदार स्वागत के लिए आप सबकी आभारी हूं, मैं अपनी उपस्थिति से यहां किसी के लिए कोई परेशानी खड़ी नहीं करना चाहती और न मैं ये चाहती हूं कि मेरे यहां रहने की वजह से आपको अपनी आदतें बदलनी पड़े। जो भी पहले जैसे रह रहा था वो वैसे ही रहता रहे।

घर के मुखिया ने कहा, हम आपकी बात समझे नहीं जरा खुलकर समझाए

इस पर दुल्हन बोली, पिताजी मेरे कहने का मतलब ये था कि पहले से घर में जो खाना बना रहा था वो खाना बनाता रहे, जो बर्तन मांझ रहा था वो बर्तन मांझता रहे, जो कपड़े धो रहे थे वो कपड़े धोते रहे और घर की सफाई भी पहले जैसे ही होती रहे। जहां तक मेरा सवाल है मैं आपके बेटे को अपनी मुट्ठी में करके रखूंगी।
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 WIFE(seeing stars)- Btao

wo konc Chiz h jo tum Roz Dekh Skte hopr Tod nhi skte?

HUSBAND- Mai nhi btaunga.

WIFE- Bolo na plz.

HUBY- Tera MUH.. xD
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 Defintion Of Arrange-Marriag­e:

"Bika Hua MaaL Wapis Nahi Hoga" .

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Defintion Of Love-Marriage:-­

"PehLe IstemaL Kre fir Vishwas Kre.!"
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 How a woman calls her husband in first 6 years:

Yr 1. Janu

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Yr 2. O G.

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Yr 3. Aji, sunte ho?

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Yr 4. Arey, O Bunty k pappa

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And

then…..

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Yr 5. Kahan mar gaye?

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Yr 6. Tum aate ho k main aaon?
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 Evolution of man :

Shadi se pehle :hero no. 1
Shadi k baad : coolie no. 1

Shadi se pehle : maine pyar kiya
Shadi k baad : ye maine kya kiya ??

Shadi se pehle : Janeman mat jao
Shadi k baad : jaan mat khao

Shadi se pehle : tum bin raha na jaye
Shadi k baad : tum ko saha na jae
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Grl:jb b me
tumre pas
ati hu to tum
CHSMA
pehnte ho
By:Dr ne kha h jb SRDARD aye
to chsma pehen lena
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 Wife: Maine Suna He K Jannat Me Aadmi Ko Apsra Milti He
To
Aurton Ko kya Milta He?
Husband: Kuch Nahi
Q ki
Bhgwan Sirf Dukhiyon Ki Sunta He
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 'Laughing At Your Own Mistakes, Can Lengthen Your Life."
-Shakespear
"Laughing At ur Wife's Mistakes,Can Shorten ur Life."
-Shakespear's Wife
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 Wife to husband: zara kitchen se machis lana...!
Husband: yahan to koi machis nahi hai... :o
Wife: mujhe pata tha tum to ho he andhay tumhain
milega he nahi is liye me pehle he le aayi thi..
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 If flipkart starts matrimonial services....

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they will become the no. 1 site...

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Know why??

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Coz

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they have the 30 day return policy...:p
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Husband: You will never succeed in making the dog obey you.!

Wife :Nonsense,its only a matter of patience,I had a lot of trouble with you too at first..!
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 Bivi gusse me- dekh lena tumko narak me bhe jagah nahi milegi.
Santa-Aree thik hai
waise bhi mai har jagah tere sath aana bi nhi chahta
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 Husband:agar meri lotery nikal aaye to tu kya karegi...

Patni:mai aadhe paise leke tujse chhod cungi....

Husband:Meri 100 rs ki lotery nikli hai.....
ye le 50 aur Daffa ho ja..
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 Test ur chemisry knowledge: Which weapon can b made with tungston,iodine & iron WIFE. (W+I+Fe)
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 A beautiful slogan behind the car of a married man, "Please do not distub, I am already disturbed.".
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 Wife: where will you take me on our 10th wedding anniversary?
Husband: we will go to African jungles...
Wife: great !!! and what about 25th anniversary?
Husband: i will bring you back.
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Police:
Hame Aap K Ghar Ki Talashi Leni Hy,
Pata Chala Hy K Aap K Ghar Mai Koi Dehshat Gard Hy.
Husband:
Khabar To Pakki Hy,
Per Abhi WOH Maikay Gai Hui Hy....
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 Marriage is a
Workshop...
where
Husband works
&
Wife Shops...
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 Admi jo hamesha hasta rehta h usko "HUS-MUKH" kehte h To sawal ye h k jiska hasna blkul band ho gaya ho usko kya kehte h?
HUS-BAND!
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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

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A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant.

"So," said the counsellor, "you know the consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally."

The wife flared up. "You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must give him half? My money?"

"Yes," said the counsellor. "He gets $2,000. You get $2,000."

"What about my furniture? I paid for that."

"Same thing," answered the counsellor. "Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen."

There was a challenging gleam in the wife's eye. "What about our three children?"

That stumped him. Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then he came up with a Solomonic answer. "Go back and live together until your fourth
child is born. Then you take two children and your husband takes two."

The wife shook her head. "No, I'm sure that wouldn't work out. If I depended on him, I wouldn't have the three I got."

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"Daddy," a little boy asked his father. "How much does it cost to get married?"

"I don't know, son. I'm still paying for it."

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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

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On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Geez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?"

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 Patni- Shaadi K Shuru Me Aap Khana Khud Kam Aur Jyada Muje Khilate The Par Ab Aisa Q Nahi Karte
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Pati- Q Ki,Ab Tumhe Khana Banane Aa Gaya Hai

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Wife : Agar me waqt hoti log meri Qadar karte?
Hsband:Log Tumhe dekh k Dar jate.
Wife: Q?
Hsband : Log Kehte Wo Dekho
Bura Waqt
Aa raha hai.

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A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm the Devil," she responded.

"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."

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Having a wife is a part of living,
But living with wife is called The Art of Living..




 
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