Friday, 3 July 2015

How you will torture the Surgeon in the theater ......

 In the anaesthesia PG exam a question was asked ....
How you will torture the Surgeon in the theater ......
PG wrote in the answer sheet ......arrange male nursing student to assist the Surgeon .
He got full mark ....

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Most women get very irritated seeing a wet towel lying on the bed....



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In Medical Terminology this is called
IRRITABLE TOWEL SYNDROME !!!!!
Cases are to be found in almost all homes...

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"पापा एक छोटा सा get together रखा है स्कूल में"
"छोटा सा से क्या मतलब"
"आप, मैं और प्रिंसिपल"
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बस यही दो मसले, जिंदगीभर ना हल हुए!!!
ना नींद पूरी हुई, ना ख्वाब मुकम्मल हुए!!!
वक़्त ने कहा.....काश थोड़ा और सब्र होता!!!
सब्र ने कहा....काश थोड़ा और वक़्त होता!!!
सुबह सुबह उठना पड़ता है कमाने के लिए साहेब...।।
आराम कमाने निकलता हूँ आराम छोड़कर।।
"हुनर" सड़कों पर तमाशा करता है और "किस्मत" महलों में राज करती है!!
"शिकायते तो बहुत है तुझसे ऐ जिन्दगी,
पर चुप इसलिये हु कि, जो दिया तूने,
वो भी बहुतो को नसीब नहीं होता"...

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Man to Doctor: Doctor, I am frustrated with my life. I want to commit suicide. I can't take it anymore.
Every night my wife goes to a pub
and goes out with anyone who proposes to her!
Dr.: Relax, take a deep breath, calm down & now tell me....
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WHICH PUB?
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इस मंत्र को जितनी बार बोलोगे उतनी
बार धन की
प्रप्ति होगी
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"भगवान के नाम पर दे दे..!! बाबा"

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नफरतों के बाजार में जीने का अलग ही मजा है.!
लोग "रूलाना" नहीं छोडते,
और हम "हसना" नहीं छोडते..!!
"हमने अपने नसीब से ज्यादा अपने दोस्तो पर भरोसा रखा है....
क्युंकि.....
नसीब तो बहुत बार बदला है,
लेकिन मेरे दोस्त अभी भी वही है!"..

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Girish gets a call from his friend,
"Hey Girish I'm sorry about you being declared bankrupt. Heard it's all over in News"
Girish - "अबे, वो Greece है !"
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पति : तुमने पढा ?
आखबार में लिखा है कि  ताजे आँकडों से पता चला है कि 25% Ladies mental disease  के लिए medicine लेती हैं"
पत्नि : "तो इसमें विशेष बात क्या है?
पति: "यह तो बहुत डरावना समाचार है"
पत्नि : "क्यो?"
पति: "इसका मतलब यह हुआ कि 75% महिलाएं बिना दवाइयाँ लिए घूम रही हैं ।
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लाइफ में कोई पार्टनर होना चाहिए,
नहीं तो
"मन की बात"
रेडियो पर करनी पड़ती है।।

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एक औरत का पति ग़ुम हो गया तो वो पुलिस स्टेशन गयी।
औरत: इंस्पेक्टर साहब मेरे पति एक हफ्ते से गायब हैं।
इंस्पेक्टर: उनकी कोई निशानी है?
औरत: जी, ये चुन्नू 6 साल का और ये मुन्नू 4 साल का।
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सच्ची कहानी एक मास्टर साहब दारू पीकर बंदूक लेकर स्कूल आते थे उनकी शिकायत SDI से हुई तो वह स्कूल आ धमके मास्टर साहब एक कमरे में पुवाल डालकर सो रहे थे सहायक अध्यापक पढाई करा रहे थे SDI के पूछने पर उन्होंने गुरु जी के कमरे की तरफ इशारा किया वह गुरु जी की जगाये और कहा कि 19 का पहाड़ा सुनाओ तो गुरु जी ने कहाकि हूजूर आप हमसे बडे अधिकारी है पहले आप 29 का सुना दीजिए SDI सन्न & तब मास्टर साहब ने कहाकि निरीक्षण रजिस्टर पर लिख दीजिए की हमको 29 का पहाड़ा नहीं आता और मास्टर को 19 का।
SDI मास्टर को समझा बुझाकर चुपचाप सरक  लिए । आखिर मास्टर मास्टर होता है

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To All Genius in this group
Now try cracking this one!! A real tough one to crack!! Read carefully, think and reply...
A ______ doctor was ________ to operate on a person as there was ______
 One word (3 different ways) fills all 3 blanks.
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MARY is the proprietor of a bar in Dublin. She realises that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronise her bar – she will go broke.
To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later.
She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around about Mary's 'drink now, pay later' marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Mary's bar.
Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in Dublin — all is starting to look rosy.
By providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands Mary gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages.
Consequently, Mary's gross sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognises that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Mary's borrowing limit.
He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral.
At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make huge commissions, and transform these customer loans into Drinkbonds and Alkibonds. These securities are then bundled and traded on international security markets.
The new investors don't really understand that the securities being sold to them as 'AAA' secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. They have had a 'rating house' certify they are of good quality.
Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation's leading brokerage houses.
One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Mary's bar. He so informs Mary.
Mary then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but, being unemployed alcoholics, they cannot pay back their drinking debts.
Since Mary cannot fulfil her loan obligations she is forced into bankruptcy. So she now is broke.
The bar closes and the 11 employees lose their jobs.
Overnight, Drinkbonds and Alkibonds drop in price by 90%.
The collapsed bond asset value destroys the bank's liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community.
The suppliers of Mary's bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms' pension funds in the various Bond securities. They find they are now faced with having to write-off her bad debt and with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds.
Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations. Her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers.
Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multi-billion euro, no-stringsattached cash infusion from their cronies in government.
The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who have never been in Mary's bar.
Now, do you understand greece economics? 
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पप्पू : डॉ. साहब प्लास्टिक सर्जरी में कितना खर्च आएगा ?
डॉ इंदीवर : 50 हजार.
पप्पू : अगर प्लास्टिक हम दे तो.
डॉ इंदीवर:(गुस्से से) साले पिघला कर चिपका भी लेना !!!